Buffetting : Ending 2013

Well, its about what every blogger is going to post about ain't it? 2013 has been sweet, bitter, sour and lotsa spiciness throughout the year. So let's take a flash back on what happened in every month in 2013:

January: Noticing that I'm actually finally back in the saddle of vet school, ending my first semester back again in vet school. It has been a nightmare roller-coaster struggle trying to get back to this saddle; and my first semester has indeed very well been spent. My relationship with the coursemates became so much closer; only to realize this is going to be short-lived. The club trips, Vetsoul trips, as well as our very own Vetcamp, has certainly bonded us in ways beyong imagination.

February: More bonding took place because of all the intense faculty activities which require all of us to stick in together in working for a better reputation of our batch. At some point, I swear the second semester was all about bonding for the whole batch. One incident took toll on me the most was when the 2nd chances got back together; giving me quite an impact. It wasn't a problem before in semester 1, but it became an issue because I had to be extra careful around her now; as we were working very closely as the Co-directors. However, we resolved our issues when I opened up to her about T; which I'm glad I did because that helped clear things between us for better efficiency in working Dogathon.

March: The semester never ended with bonding, pretty much all the events are cramped in one full semester. The vet dinner and vet sport events were crazy simply because our batch was the one organizing it. Every single manpower matters. The dinner turned out to be fantastic while we actually won overall champion for Vet Sport; with a round holder for the Bashir Cup; the cup named after our former dean.

April: April went on with several outings and events also; the last faculty event namely Majlis Silaturahim  which challenges the vet students which creativity and cultural experiences; instead of submerging ourselves in the sea of delocalized medical books all year long. I swore we could have won the Ali Cup; the cup named after the professor initiating the event, but the judging system this year thinks otherwise.

May: Mundane, but stuffs happened too. The most significant event is probably what I'd actually knew about the Best bud, and we talked it out as an adult. I feel like that whole part of best bud life, I totally have missed it out. It has been 4 fucking years he've been there; I didn't bother to ask nor care about that part of his life. It made me feel really bad, because I don't even dare to say I know him well anymore. Things have been going well until today; what I hope is things will get better, for both of us.

June: Filled with practicals. I've been to pig farm, chicken farm, and cattle farm crossing 3 different states throughout the practicals. Ending the 4th semester in UPM was pretty heavy, but it made me realized that; I don't have much time with the previous batch, and there is this need to bond better with the next junior batch. Wake up call much?

July: The practicals ended in a month's time, probably the longest one among my friends because I took 2 weeks of cattle farm practical. What has impacted most in this month was the fact that I might not be looking into the livestock industry as I look at before. I have been awarded the "typical city boy" title, and I would like to honor that; because I simple work best in a city setting. This practical has certainly made me think twice about my career outcome in the livestock industry.

August: Needless to say, it has been the most magical month for me. I'd probably need to set it as a month to be worshiped because of the nature of the month to me. I spent my first birthday overseas, something which I have longed to do since the dawn I set eyes on Japan because I wanted to have my tertiary education outside Malaysia; I failed, but spending it in Chiang Mai on the Queen's birthday was downright awesome. The Chiang Mai conference and trip was definitely enlightening, changing my views on Thailand forever; while I was luck enough to have met T there. It has been the best August ever, and I guess my birthday present, best one ever is to have met T

.

same ol hint, T is in here

September: Stepping back into the university again after the semester break was different; simply because I've finally experienced the life outside of university during a long break for once. Juggling between life with T, trying to sort out everything for Dogathon as well as stepping down as the student rep; not to mention academics, everything was like a roller coaster ride in September. Surviving September 2013, was really a challenge.

October: DogathonTM 2013 is definitely the highlight. An event which our whole batch spent 1 whole year to prepare. The largest dog gathering in Malaysia, no joke man. It was a success, although I swear I was going to break down when it rained like cats and dogs 4am in the morning; the sun manage to shine in at 7am to make the whole Bt Ekspo a blazing oven throughout the day. Luck was really on our side. No regrets in taking up the role as the Co-director;and I couldn't have picked the best team; my whole batchmates DVM 2016.

November: Stepping down from SRC, Relieving role as Co-director and 4 core subjects had made my life a lil dainty, light and lost. The thing that I was given time to do most was, preparing for the transition. Of course I had more time to drool over T, but T wasn't free due to examination constraints. I've also made a bold decision in getting a plane ticket to Chiang Mai on April 2014 for a practical, and to meet T for Songkran. People out there, you know what Songkrans mean to the circle ait?

December: Settling all the matters aside in November, December was the time for me to connect more with my friends, family as well as T. I didn't have much time to get my body into shape because my back is still on treatment, but I certainly have made lots of connections. Seeing that I will have more time in the future semesters with my loose schedules, I should totally reconsider going back home on weekends. It's not like anyone would need me to be around anymore, since everyone is pre-occupied with their loved ones and all.

In a nutshell, 2013 has been a great year.

A year which I have managed to live and transitioned; giving me enough time and preparation to move on to my next phase in life;

A phase without workload to serve others,
A phase with a person matters a lot to me,
A phase which I can focus a lot more on the art and practice,
A phase with more self-discovery and enrichment.

2014, time for the next phase of my life.

How was your 2013?

Buffetting : End of Seasons

It's 29th already, man 2013 was somewhat a roller coaster ride and a lag train in the same time!

I'll do the wrapping up on 31st after my 1st finals paper(sucks to be me, but its the public university) cause that paper is one massive viral infection to be neutralized! It's the immunology talk by the way.

Christmas was much family orientated this year, not much of shopping or partying around shopping malls or what not, just 2 simple dinner in 2 different houses.

1- Dinner with the maternal family on Christmas eve
As the usual Kajang Satay sponsor, I was early, and finished my portion of food up even before the crowd came in. Studied a little before the others pop in when we started our present exchange. It's a little less bustling this year compared to last, probably because of the rain on that night. Whats more, it seemed to be less people this year too, at least from my generation. The words on the party didn't cross well, while a few of the closer cousins are now working and all. The night to some extend was somewhat boring, to the point that I wished I could have stayed in the hostel to study more. Thankfully, the night ended okay, with a vote for the suckiest present given:

Dropped on my family's lap, I've decided to take it and put it in my car instead. I was struggling between putting in the car or my bed; because it reminds me of T( Line is where we interact most anyway); but I'd figure, Brown would be a much better resemblance for T.



With the Penang trip for the SRC bonding, it made my whole week worst:

No work out, no study, lotsa fat gained.

End of seasons, time for war! 

4 courses only, so it's definitely a 4.0 this semester!!

Buffetting : Instagram

So I finally jumped into the bandwagon, only to realize I actually only really follow like that many people. It's really crazy to see how many people actually began to follow you just like that. It was only 24 hours after I've decided to make it public, and I managed to get a tiny 22 followers in total.

But really, is everyone just following for the sake of increasing the number, or do they really wish to follow you?

Hmm, its definitely something to ponder over. I always thought instagram would be my personal space to post pictures pertaining me and T; but I guess now its pretty publicized to make it private?

If you are interested, here's the link:

http://instagram.com/robinntyb

It ain't that coolios, but its just something I can afford to spend time on now.

Back to different sizes and shapes of kidneys!

Buffetting : Solution

I never stopped to amaze myself at different circumstances in life.

A simple task of trying to fix the glutinous rice ball soup(Tang Yuan) made me realize that, I can now solve problems.

It seemed to be really trivial, but I'd figure it would give me some head start and spark on, I am actually stepping into adulthood and responsibility sooner than I thought I was.

This year the festival was different for our family because we didn't make those TY ourselves, but bought from the market instead. The soups were left on the altars from morning till night because dad forgot to inform us, while us being kids didn't really bother.

When dad decided to reheat those soups on the altar, only to realize some of them went a lil stale during the heating; mom almost went berserk on him. It's quite pointless because the berserk wouldn't solve any problem, like those episodes of tantrums before at home or at work.

The fact that I automatically fixed it by changing the soup, chucking the rest of the balls into cold water and making a new sugar solution base to rid the stale smell totally caught me off guard.

I became a solution machine at some point.

Maybe its a skill I pick up being in the university for the past 14 weeks solving others' problems but mine?

It's definitely useful and employer-desired-skill.

But sometimes I'd wish I could develop more skills and visions further than managerial level.

Or maybe I'm really just meant to be someone to be in the health field; fixing elephant's musth maybe?


On the side note, T has been really quiet these days. I mean, I get the test loads ans all, academics over lvoe and I really look up to that. But one text before you sleep wouldn't hurt right?

What happened to the passion, the pictures of events, the constant curiosity we had?

It's just not right to let it fade out like that, and I would really like to preserve this. But, for only one side of the party to preserve it, ain't going to make everything work, yes no?

Man, its only the 4th month, I swear I almost had one of the breakdowns and giving-up episodes last week. The constant gives without being reciprocated and all did tax on my mind, really, but sometimes T didn't really get what I wanted to tell.

I guess love is a double-edged sword; it makes your heart fluff up, and eats you up like a blood-thirsty macrophage at times.

Come on now, let's work harder!

Buffetting : Christmas

So I became Santa for 3 person this year:

1- The name I picked , for me to be the Secret Santa this year
I totally forgot to take a picture of the lanyard I handmade for Bimbo's twin before I gave it to her. Should have taken a picture seeing it was my virgin hand-made knot present. But I totally enjoyed making it. Thanks to Monkey for helping me out and showing me some ropes, literally


2- T

I won T a long-sleeve Uniqlo Heattech shirt in navy; bet the I would melt if it were to be on T's body. Together with a handmade Christmas card, hopefully these could warm T up with the cold weather in Chiang Mai.

3- The cousin's Christmas gathering.
I have no idea what to get yet. The idea is to get something MORE THAN RM100. It's like, omg, really it is so hard to get a unisexual Christmas present these days!

Christmas is definitely one seasonal period with loads of fun. Stepping in university, however cuts it half a little because we are always in Finals or Study week when Christmas hit us. The fun is still there, but I would enjoy more if finals were before not after Christmas.

So how many Christmas gifts have you prepared this year?

Buffetting : Course taken on Sem 5

So the semester 5, or rather my 4th semester in the vet fac is going to end in 2 days. Doesn't feel the same like how I did when I first came back. Now, semester ending feels like its something you do everyday.

This semester has been fun, but I would wrap up the activities in another post. This one, is all about the courses I've taken this semester

1- Veterinary Anatomy 2
Continuity from the veterinary anatomy 1, this semester ranged in much deeper structures; going from heart to skeletal-muscular system which almost had me killed. But, I still enjoyed it because it was really fun

2- Veterinary Physiology 2

Continuity from veterinary physiology 1, the whole course ran along parallel with that of anatomy so as we actually understand both the structure and functions of the system we studied. The course was fun because the lecturers are the best ones around as of now. One of them is actually my idol, seeing how he is literally good in every single shit; at least in the field.

3- Small Ruminant Production

An extension from the ruminant production course, but now focusing more on the management of smaller sized ones such as sheep and goat, their economic importance and significance in our market. Fun, the lecturer was okay, everyone liked him anyway. Used to think of this as a course to fill in those elective credits, but somehow the lecturer did enlighten me in several ways.

4- Immunology

Antibodies to cancer immunity, plus dealing with vaccinations. Stepping into this course signs the entering to clinical years as we need to buckle up with our knowledge towards specific requirement and needs of the field. Certainly not the easiest subject out there to conquer, but still the lecturer is too much fun to not enjoy the course

Addition to that, I took an extracurricular subject:

5- Thai language

Learning this beautiful language is certainly a great adventure. I somehow feel like I do have a flair for languages. I wanted to pick up Japanese again, but the time and classes are just too out of sync. Thai wasn't easy, not as Japanese. The letters are definitely more confusing and crazier. But learning it, knowing that I would be one step closer to T and having more opportunities when AEC steps into the picture; beats everything else.Plus, I have a really cool teacher hahaha.

For academics, this semester sure have been, subtle. Next semester would be hardcore, but I have more time than anyone else; so I shouldn't have problems.

Let's hope next semester would be a great one. April is coming soon!!!!!!

Buffetting : Stepping apart

Holly that better not happen anytime soon between T and Me.

It boiled down into my head when I attended "How Christmas Works?" organized by the IK from the university invited by my Bimbo and Rocky. There were intro of Christmas, sharing of people who approached Christianity, and also caroling, ya know the usual stuffs.

The sharing session was the one which got me thinking the whole night.

The lady speaking was once a miserable kid.
Doesn't speak to the parents, bad relationships with them, depressed all the time, and locked away.
At the verge of giving up life, she met Christianity on the Christmas Eve.
Miracle happened to her when the God "spoke" to her via the bible, with 3 pages she flipped to by random.
Well, that happens.

Let's not talk about how the page got there, but about her change after she approached Christianity.
She got happier, start to speak with the parents, her family more after.
She is no longer oppressed, and is more open and receptive to her social circle.

What bothered me was, I too, developed my spiritual side in Buddhism. But somehow, I feel like I'm so much more drifted from my family. I mean, isn't spiritual guidance supposed to be make us more, closer and tolerant towards the people we care? For me I have been experiencing immense degree of resentment and anger towards my family.

After being through STPM and cultivating my wisdom in practicing Buddhism back then, I feel like I'm no longer as tolerable or "obedient" to my family. I learn to say no, close to rebel when my family put me through episodes I wish not.

The vet-med fiasco was the last straw. I totally shut my doors away from my family.

It's pointless for them to know what I do, what I care, or what I dream of. At least for my mother.

I do not want to tell them, or feel like telling them anything I go through.

My experience directing the largest dog gathering in Malaysia. My mom even asked me "Got so many people meh? What's the point?"
I'm really willing to explain to complete strangers, but to my mom; forget it. I know her too well to know that she wouldn't care.

My experience in the farm practicals. "Yer I can't stand" Not like I can stand working for you in the company like sis did. Can't come into terms in our daily lives, can't imagine one whole day in the office.

My experiences and courses going through in vet school.

My first relationship.


Basically my life. It's like I'm just living off my parents' money right now, and I can't wait to get off the hook. Yes they are family and I really do get it. But right now, after all I have been through, I'm just very much resentful to open up to them. They have really done so much which made me overly shut from them; as family.

Talking so, there are people that I feel like I am totally trying to step away from.

I don't know the reason. This is ridiculous. I know the reasons usually when I step away from a crowd. But now, I totally have no idea. There is no reason to it.

Talking to Ice Queen last night made me realized how angry I am inside towards my family. Those rage, makes me a really miserable person, a bad child.

I'm trying so hard to run away from them, and spending their earnings doing this is just not right.

I guess its the finals' stress? Maybe I should go for a movie after the anatomy practical test next week.

Semester coming to an end means closer to Chinese New Year. Oh gosh, I'm just so not prepared for this right now. I somehow feel like staying in my campus more than going back home emotionally. Going back home, is now just to meet my bed, and my dogs. Miserable.

Buffetting : Lag Phase

Somehow everything in university life now is pretty much a lag.

Election is over; but the aftermath is pretty much still a big pain in the ass.

I've yet to get back to my gym regime, because my waist is just still biting me hard.

Swimming regime has also been a drag for pete knows reason.

Academics also have been a drag, my motivation to draw bones, muscles and chart physiology flows have been down the drain; I wonder why.

love this picture with the girls for the Uniqlo Heattech submission. 

The text between me and T has been really limited and dry, T probably is like SUPER BUSY and I MUST BE UNDERSTANDING AND PATIENT. It's like our relationship has finally meet its terminal lag phase before in plunges or rockets.

There are several matters I need to deal with now. But somehow my laziness brought the procrastination level in my life to a whole new level.

I kinda lost the motivation somewhere, maybe I'm being too comfortable.

I have a lot of Christmas presents to prepare, practical and finals to prepare, vending machines to be brought into the faculty, and definitely a new physique or me and T prolly break up because we both are gaining weight . Just saying.

On the side note, Big Bad Wolf was a downer this year, again. I think I'm the type who will spend on the books that I want, instead of wasting my time in the midst of book maze; but not knowing what I want.

Time to get back on the saddle!

Buffetting : Mission Freedom

Finally the campus election is O-V-E-R.

Man I never felt so free in my life, over responsibilities that is.

A lot of drama, politics and hardwork involved. Staying up till 5.30am in the morning making illegal posters? I think I can call that dude my brother.

Anyhow, time to drop serving and working for others; time to initiate Mission Freedom.

What's exactly MI:Freedom all about?

Freedom to spend more time on thyself
Freedom to spend money without being its slave
Freedom to enjoy life not in the expense of tied to monetary issues.

If MI:Freedom works, I think I can pursue in any field in the veterinary pool I want upon my graduation.

Wildlife with the Elephants?
Marine mammals with the Killer Whales?
Dairy farm with the Cows?
Veterinary Hospital with the Small Animals?
Vaccines with the viruses and bacteria?
Pharmaceuticals with the Livestock?
Translator with the Thais, Chinese and Japanese?
Dining outlet with the Livestock?

or

Just spend the rest of my life adoring T?

I'm more ambitious than the last one LOL.

T did ask me to go over to Thailand for my Masters. Not my first choice, being Japan was my fever and all.

But at the same time, T wasn't sure if Thailand is the place for T's masters either. Imagine if T went to the States while I got accepted in Thailand.

REALLY? Another 4 more years of separation? I can't take THAT much of a LDR.

Planning T's Christmas present is really exciting! Lots of photoshooting involved; but let's hope the greeneries in Ladang 16 do our photoshoot some justice.

Seeing that I'm no longer that busy, I am vacant for paranoia. People around me keeps on telling me that I will definitely fall into the busy abyss again seeing how, well I like to fall into that abyss.

I have only 4 more weeks before the semester ends, with 3 weeks of intensive poultry farm practical; then Chinese New Year.

Getting into shape, learning new instrument, familiarizing with the new language, getting good grades, juggling relationships with 2 different batch mates, looking for a passive income...

Man, I guess I AM still in that abyss!

It's definitely a mixed feeling now. But I'm pretty glad that I am ACTUALLY free. No more phone calls or emails to attend to for once.

Time to be more in love with T, and also making sure its not a one way thing!

Buffetting : End of War Game

The campus election campaign is finally over...

Or is it?

The voting is tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure the rain doesn't stop parties from boosting their winning rates to the max.

I'm definitely not going to take part anymore next year.

One last night.

Buffetting : Take notes

People who are in a relationship probably can relate.

There's so many dates to remember, and so many gifts to prepare for the other one in so many different dates!

It's like one after another, and man I'm going to run out of ideas soon.

Check out the list:

1- Christmas. T doesn't celebrate, never did. I'd figure I would be the first to inspire, despite the fact that I'm a Buddhist. Won the Uniqlo HEATTECH challenge with veterinary reasons, while T being one of the future vets. Navy colored crew neck. Bet T looks super hot in it.

2- Birthday. Like just a month past Christmas! I'd figure handmade birthday cards? Or a personalized lanyard? Or just maybe a handmade wallet of the favorite sport of T, volleyball.

3- Valentine's. Omgosh our first one. MY first one I might add. Chocolates? Probably melted across the sea. The handmade card would probably do the trick now. Was thinking of customized cup; but picture of what? Me? Eww, no.

4- Songkran. Thailand's new year! I guess the present would be me wrapped in my rugged state post-volunteering in the elephant camp next April. Really, that would be enough no?

Zoomed up for 5 months at least, but at least those dates are tracked right?

Buffetting : Transitioning

Side note: It has been quiet these days. Dampening my spirit to post; but I'd figure, this is my space for my disclosure and pleasure. So bite me.

This semester is all about transitioning.

Transitioning from being an overly attached lovey-dovey boyfriend to a much understanding yet knowing when to put in those icing significant half.

Transitioning from being a very busy fella to a completely free person towards the end of the semester to relief every single shit which called volunteer work without materialistic benefits to thyself.

Transitioning from spending more time with the original batch to spending more time with the current batch.

Transitioning from the attention seeking extrovert to a slow hermit-like introvert.

Transitioning from zero exercise for the past few months to slow then intensive periods of exercise.

Quite a number of transitions, but I'm sure there are more to come.

Post exposure of the 4th IVSA Asia conference, I somehow relived my love for another animal; the elephants. I don't mind working with either African or Asian, but since I'm in Malaysia the Asian one would be much more relevant. I should be going for the nearer option of Kuala Gandah, instead I opted for the Elephant Nature Park in Chiang Mai for my brief 1 week practical.

I've always seen myself in the commercial line; the livestock of dairy or the pharmaceutics because of my flair exploitable in these 2 fields.

Yet, somehow I feel like I can go for a wildlife option too.

Provided I have a good siphoning side income to sustain all my needs.

It's definitely going to be different to be making a difference in the field of our country.

But, wasn't veterinary law and jurisprudence in my list to fend for my veterinarian clients?

Transitions.

Buffetting : Plans

You have no idea how crazy being in love can be, and how much you would give just to see that person.

I've bought the tickets to Chiang Mai next April.

By hook or by crook, I need to come up with the fund for the volunteering in Elephant Nature Park; or I will just rot for a week until T finishes the TECC practical on T's side to join me for Songkran.

Even for 2 days, would be suffice; I guess.

Annual target: Earn enough to get plane ticket and traveling expenses to Chiang Mai on semester breaks.

Until T gets to earn and come over to meet me instead.

It's a plan; but I will make it work.

Things have been going better, me being less emotional and all. It's really me if anything goes wrong from now though. Like; stop being such a paranoid already.

Buffetting : Passing Torch

Heart and I finally made our decisions for the next co-directors.

Boy it was a tough call with all the issues and problems circling in the midst of making our moves.

We were tied down so hard by the two major student body organizations, not to mention our personal bond with the presidents of each club either.

Sometimes people don't see what we see, that we have actually agreed on unanimously.

Not even Polar bear, not even Big Sis. We both actually share an experience together, which others don't.

I guess this is it, one of another my relief and relinquish.

Come to think of it, Heart probably have more stress and people to deal with because the people she love most and spend the most time with are the ones in those organizations.

As for me, well, sad to say I'm torn between worlds. Just like I'm torn between Malaysia, originally Japan and now Thailand ; not in the original batch, not in the current, and yet nowhere else to turn to after my relinquishment because of, everything running in my course of life.

My vision back when DogathonTM 2012 ended was just spot on.

T is kinda facing the same thing, probably feeling the same way, but how much can we do for each other with oceans apart?

Now that I'm no longer tied nor bound to any worlds, who's free out there for an outing?

Buffetting : Just peservere

In the midst of test 2 preparation, which I will be doomed with if I don't resume my discoveries on the hind limbs of 5 different species, I managed to talk to Bimbo about, me and T.

Well, the idea is to take things, slow.

Was cautioned to not easily give my heart out, without knowing the person.

True enough, but as of now, I think both me and T assumed that we have found the right person to develop a relationship, regardless how close we are.

It's pretty different from the conventional; 

1- get to know

2- dates to know even more

3- then get to together

Ours is more like;

1- let's get together

2- struggle to know more

3- but let's stay sweet

Hmm, its pretty hard because we've gone past the "let's get to know before getting together" stage down to a pair now. 

The part on uncertainty kills me, because its not how I lived my life up till today. 

Bimbo said the same thing as Best Bud, maybe its not the time to put in too much in this yet, because we have only known other that much.

But on the other hand, my head rings harder; why not put in all I can to make things work? We can't predict but can mold the future. I want to mold this one with T. 

The anesthetics on putting in the magnitude of care and time is pretty hard; to have enough to develop this yet not overtax myself or overdoing it for T only.

However, I've decided to take the April trip to Chiang Mai. I really want to do that, for the both of us. Bimbo mentioned on not to expect T to do as far as coming over to me, which I don't, but I would really want to go all out.

In the name of practicals and knowledge attainment of course.

It's sports day in T's university now, you cannot imagine how different things are between our universities. It make mine seemed, so trivial. It's just inter-college sports. Dinggg.

Anti-climatic.

T keeps on mentioning there's a pre-climax and climax sports day haha! Gosh, it sounded so, erotic with the lack of eloquence. 

I guess I should get back to digestive system and locomotor now.

PS: Has anyone realized how amazingly sexy Tom Hiddleston is in real life? Gravitified down to earth too! His suave, his moves, his attitude. I can't believe the girlfriends said I'm there without his dance moves only.

Buffetting : Not Nice

I'm not that nice, I guess.

The thing is, I'm a very, demanding person I guess? So and so to an extend of a demanding lover.

I guess being a Leo, the attention seeking part is pretty intense.

The attention span of T gets lesser by the day, and I swear I could have suggested us to have a scheduled LIne session daily seeing how, busy we can get.

So and so when I was browsing through the social media, W came into the picture.

I met W too in the conference, and W was my group's facilitator. We had some chats over the tea breaks and we managed to be friends over the social media, seeing how W even turned off the setting to search for the profile.

We sometimes comment on each others' posts, but everything is harmless.

Until today, when the thought of :

"If W really asks, I might even say yes."

I think I'm a bad, very very bad lover. I can't even be loyal to a relationship, well at least that's how I feel.

This article on "Love is for the partner, not you" really bit me, but Pete knows why am I this fickle-minded.

Maybe I need a MAJOR DISTRACTION to keep myself occupied and loyal to T. Gosh, is this the first strike?

Man, I'm freakin out.

Buffetting : T-wooing

Well I guess I have came to a stage in my life, when, well, relationship kicks in.

I was watching Charmed the other day when I see how wooing goes, and I feel like there's this weird lack in wooing interaction between me and T.

Maybe both of us are way too far from each other for the wooing to work.

Somehow I feel like I'm doing most of the wooing.

T is busy, while I'm pretty free this semester. But what happens in the following semesters? When I step into clinical years. Will we juggle more? Or as always we wait till there and then for things to settle themselves?

I'm still hoping on T to take more initiative though. The wooing, well, didn't happen much. Maybe because I'm easily satisfied by little things, especially just T's self-pictures. 1 can just make my day; or maybe T is just not free or creative enough.

I only start getting a little picky, like now. When I'm free and thinking logically. Maybe I should not do so to reduce the tendency of me being so picky.

But wooing strategies. Hmm, its definitely an art. Trying to know T more is pretty hard because of our different background, and the distance. So far I've only had hand-drawn wishes. At least that I can do. There are plans for Christmas presents, birthday presents, new year presents etc; but its not like an active thing.

Maybe I should custom-make one volleyball since T is a super fan.

Or custom-made goggles.

Or maybe its because I'm not earning yet.

Any wooing strategies to share?

Buffetting : Updates and Being Lost

With limited access to internet while my phone data continuously bickering me about my data limit, I'd save all my listed posts for the holiday next week instead, since its gonna take major data supply on the photos.

I'm finally relieved of my duty as the student rep in my faculty. I've yet to complete one task, which is the vending machine installation, but I'd figure I'd help my junior with that instead.

As for life without responsibilities have been mundane, and grades were just so so, borderline A.

I guess I lost the drive to study without the time constraints? But its not an issue, I aim for an A and practicality anyway, not prizes over prizes.

And more time for my mind to float around, and self talk.

The LDR with T was fine until I have TIME.

It's really bad because I would just hope the messages come through in the day but it would affect T's studies; I can't be expecting messages in the night because there's no wifi around T; add that to raging hormones and extra time, I'm really on a haywire now.

I should probably focus on my studies, but there's only so long I can focus.

We'd promise our presence in each others' graduation; spending time for each other in both countries if possible; I guess I'm just very free right now.

Apart from that, it's like I'm lost in the midst of nowhere now. Before Dogathon ended, I had more excuses and reasons to meet the friends. But now that I'm free, I'm just lost.

I can never stop blaming my parents for taking this away from me, and myself for not being strong enough back then. Thing would be REALLY DIFFERENT if I had persisted.

"You have an eccentric way of taking things in life in the hard way." Lady Boss quoted that.

"You think too much while doing stuffs." Best Bud quoted that.

I thought I've finally found my turf, but one way or another I'm once again lost. I don't connect to them as I used to, and the only thing keeping us together, at least from where I see it, is just the pity I get from them for me trying very hard. Sometimes I'm really tired of keeping this up.

I know friendship is 2 way, and of course friends find time for each other. But it is really tiring. I need to go to the faculty at time to bump into people and ask whether they are interested for lunch; sometimes they ate I have to turn away; they have tests while I don't; they are discussing about class subjects while I awe in despair; I'm not sure if I can keep this up.

Today was test drive of zero commitment, from where I see it, its a pretty lonely life. T can't do much because there's a limit. After the 1 week of mid semester break, I'd figure I should just disconnect completely with the faculty. I should learn doing that, after all these while.

Between balancing Friends, Family, Activities last 2 semesters was fun; but now that activities have taken its departure, its as if the whole balance toppled and crash.

As for other commitments such as the VP of the Cultural Arts society, I've decided to just screw it. Not worth my time and energy, as it wasn't my lot or interest grounds to begin with.

They say music heals soul. I should begin with mine soon.

Buffetting : Apparently 2

Well, apparently seemed to be the perfect word to use here, apparently.

Apparently, my blog is again under the scrutiny of, my course mates.

Not that I'm complaining because I do appreciate the crowd, but there are well, some matters which I didn't exactly wanted to expose to the other faculty members BEFORE.

Apparently, I told another 3 more girls about T, and they took well.

It's kind of a blessing, as the people around me are understanding enough. The matter now is, should I tell more? It's pretty scary because words travel faster from the mouth compared to the texts.

Apparently, I exposed T without me know in one of the post; and the dudes who went to the conference with me knew about T now.

I felt like the biggest ASS in the world for doing that; well for not covering up properly at least. Who knows, like some might even just google up the real name just to find out. Not that the people around me are THAT obsessed of my relationship, but tea.

Apparently, the calling to go to Thailand on next April was pretty right.

T will be having the practical in one of the conservation center around; and I can join that practical! I mean, I can be joining, but I still have yet to obtain approval from my lecturer as well as the doctor in charge. Crossing my fingers really hard. In that case, finishing my practical and THEN Songkran with T would be just, perfect.

Provided I meet all the requirements. Or all these excitement would be all for nothing.

Apparently, finally, I don't give a damn anymore if anyone in the faculty finds out and wish to expose.

It's not like I can control their mouth, or their desire to tell the whole wide world about my predicament, or rather my blessing. I'm not longer any public figure such as the Student Council Rep, the Director for events, the Active associate. Na daa. I'm finally free, and I should be enjoying my life from now on.

Life has been a drag lately because of my screwed up joints. I wanna get back on my active lifestyle in sports and combat to shed those belly. Or I won't be able to enjoy Songkran. Nyahahahaha.

Short term aim: Song Kran and wildlife practical.


On the side note, we finally talked a little on this paranoia I had. I was being a little inconsiderate because I was expecting T to be spending more time with me. But little do I remember, that being a vet student is unexceptionally busy at the first place.

When T said "I will arrange my time" I felt like I'm the suckiest person ever. Like really, I could have done more than that to make T utter such words. If this relationship should be anything, it should be anything BUT burden to the both of us.

It was just me, and well, seeing semester is beginning again for T, I guess I should be a little more patient and definitely more understanding,  with the spendable time. That's the least I can do, I think.

Hypersensitivity and Cytotoxic lymphocytes here I come!

Buffetting : Rush

The Airasia sales, is really making me very tempted.

It's only RM500 through and back Chiang Mai next April, and its during my mid semester break, AND Songkran festival!

The call is VERY STRONG. But I have yet to make my move.

I wanted to discuss with T about, whether should I go, or should I let it go.

But T seemed to be, busy with the rabies camp, so to speak.

It's adrenaline rush, hormonal rush, sugar rush, Pete knows.

When logic and heartbeat meets, its definitely World War Omega.

Logically speaking, its only like a week? And what am I going to do on the days before Song Kran?

Song Kran starts at 12th, when my break begins from 3rd to 13th April.

1 and a half day?

Hmm, logically speaking, its not that fun.

I wonder if T really hopes I can make it, or T would just say, its fine, we can do this next time.

Would that mean that T ain't that eager?

On the side note, I was talking with the girls about my profile picture lately.

Apparently I'm being really close to, well to put it simple everyone.

Intimacy seemed to be like not an issue to me while dealing with others, be it guy or girl.

Putting my arms over others' shoulders, holding hands, nudging them with my shoulder, basically any non-erotic body contact with anyone; wouldn't be an issue.

So and so the girls said my profile picture would be a real issue since, well, intimacy can facilitate jealousy. The girls seriously think that my intimacy with others might cause an issue between me and T, even more when T actually knows how I deal with people in my daily life basis.

But, it is who I am, and I get close to people easily. Trying to be evasive, well only works when I decide to do so, or when I feel like there's a need to stay away.

Or else, everyone would be my next family.

So the dilemma of the day:
1- Should I get those plane tickets, give T a surprise, or just let it go?
2- Should I stay dainty and hyper, being close to everyone, or begin to keep my distance, especially pictures?

Hmm... for dilemma 2, its gonna be really hard because its just not me to do so.

Buffetting : Course Night 2013

The theme this year was "Gangster and Nerd"

Something which I had a lot of problem trying to get an outfit for. I've been gangster all the way since, forever for my size and pattern.

Prior to the dinner I managed to drop by KLCC for promo stroll in my Fred outfit in promoting DogathonTM 2013.

Which I found my look after I took a round in Uniqlo.

As a school boy hahaha. Somehow I kinda dig this look. The whole outfit would have been better,

If I had a better looking pants to go with it.

So as like how previous year's course nights go, performances over one after another. This is the first year, my 3rd, which I finally do not have to do anything anymore in the night; being the OC, checking this and that bla bla bla.

Good thing definitely, so I can enjoy the night, the performance and definitely the food.

Can you spot the nerdiest one among all? Apparently he is also the smartest one among all trolololol

Well, I have to say I DID enjoy the night, but like all narcissists, my batch's one definitely tops it all.

The night's main intention is to celebrate the final years, and welcoming the first. So the presentations revolved really around them the most. 

The 3rd and 4th years, well are predominantly just there to support the 2nd years, and celebrate the final years respectively.

I had limited close to zero interaction with the first years, since my junior is not around. So I shall let the pictures to do the talking then:

sisters forever?

bros for life?

direct buddies!

With the couple from Curse of Dogathon

Last but not least, a finale:

I'm still wondering which year is my final course night year? Year 5 or Year 6? Should I be the emo kid skipping either year? Or should I just be the suave Tempus attending both, allowing the juniors to know my legend?

Hmm, skeptical.