Buffetting : Stepping apart

Holly that better not happen anytime soon between T and Me.

It boiled down into my head when I attended "How Christmas Works?" organized by the IK from the university invited by my Bimbo and Rocky. There were intro of Christmas, sharing of people who approached Christianity, and also caroling, ya know the usual stuffs.

The sharing session was the one which got me thinking the whole night.

The lady speaking was once a miserable kid.
Doesn't speak to the parents, bad relationships with them, depressed all the time, and locked away.
At the verge of giving up life, she met Christianity on the Christmas Eve.
Miracle happened to her when the God "spoke" to her via the bible, with 3 pages she flipped to by random.
Well, that happens.

Let's not talk about how the page got there, but about her change after she approached Christianity.
She got happier, start to speak with the parents, her family more after.
She is no longer oppressed, and is more open and receptive to her social circle.

What bothered me was, I too, developed my spiritual side in Buddhism. But somehow, I feel like I'm so much more drifted from my family. I mean, isn't spiritual guidance supposed to be make us more, closer and tolerant towards the people we care? For me I have been experiencing immense degree of resentment and anger towards my family.

After being through STPM and cultivating my wisdom in practicing Buddhism back then, I feel like I'm no longer as tolerable or "obedient" to my family. I learn to say no, close to rebel when my family put me through episodes I wish not.

The vet-med fiasco was the last straw. I totally shut my doors away from my family.

It's pointless for them to know what I do, what I care, or what I dream of. At least for my mother.

I do not want to tell them, or feel like telling them anything I go through.

My experience directing the largest dog gathering in Malaysia. My mom even asked me "Got so many people meh? What's the point?"
I'm really willing to explain to complete strangers, but to my mom; forget it. I know her too well to know that she wouldn't care.

My experience in the farm practicals. "Yer I can't stand" Not like I can stand working for you in the company like sis did. Can't come into terms in our daily lives, can't imagine one whole day in the office.

My experiences and courses going through in vet school.

My first relationship.


Basically my life. It's like I'm just living off my parents' money right now, and I can't wait to get off the hook. Yes they are family and I really do get it. But right now, after all I have been through, I'm just very much resentful to open up to them. They have really done so much which made me overly shut from them; as family.

Talking so, there are people that I feel like I am totally trying to step away from.

I don't know the reason. This is ridiculous. I know the reasons usually when I step away from a crowd. But now, I totally have no idea. There is no reason to it.

Talking to Ice Queen last night made me realized how angry I am inside towards my family. Those rage, makes me a really miserable person, a bad child.

I'm trying so hard to run away from them, and spending their earnings doing this is just not right.

I guess its the finals' stress? Maybe I should go for a movie after the anatomy practical test next week.

Semester coming to an end means closer to Chinese New Year. Oh gosh, I'm just so not prepared for this right now. I somehow feel like staying in my campus more than going back home emotionally. Going back home, is now just to meet my bed, and my dogs. Miserable.