Thursday, May 30, 2013

Buffetting : Desiderata

One thing I'm yearning for now, is to go back to my first semester in vet school, and make it all my might to change my parents'; or mostly my mother's thought.

I would have been a much different person.

cf.desiderata- unbecoming.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Buffetting : Repercussion

So I did something out of the norm today noticed by one of the girl friends today.

Something which might fire back with repercussions, or it might just be something for me to start opening up more about things I've wished to talked about to the girls.

I'm an adult, and action comes with consequences.

No use crying over spilled milk, what I hope is this doesn't change her values on my personalities.

Hey, I'm human too.

What am I talking about exactly?

Nothing big, I hope.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Buffetting : Seriously

Seriously, I thought this semester was going to be the last one I need to be added into different groups influencing different circles

Seriously, I thought it was going to end next sem when I'm going to be a free man free from commitments.

Seriously, I was really looking forward to next semester.


I have been added to 10 different groups overnight because I'm the freaking VP for my university's chinese cultural association!

Somebody SAVE ME!

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Buffetting : Living it

Did I mention how much I love my course and what I'm doing, and about to do?

It's like physics, chemistry, biology, economics and management all synced up into one single course.

I'm a farmer, a veterinarian, economists, and also a manager if I really wish to do so!

I used to love machinery until physics bore me, but I now learn to love it back. Chemistry and lab work has always fascinated me so the research part on the biology have been gunned down. Anatomy and physiology has never been more fun when different animals come into the picture, and a chance to own a dairy farm; it's life.

Time to persevere and get back to assignments!

Friday, May 24, 2013

Buffetting : Focus or Segregate

I've came across 2 different scenarios in 2 different days, leading to my choice and judgment between being focused or segregating my thoughts in different matters.

I'm now holding 3 different portfolios for 3 different organizations, 2 which I will soon step down but one for a long way to go.

One of the previous board exco mentioned that he chose to focus on a single task and make the best out of it.


I wish I could.

But catching up with the best bud made me realized that, if I were to be focused, I really missed out a lot.

I really did missed out, A LOT.

I sometimes can't believe I'd actually lived with that. Did I really take advantage of the whole relationship? And after next semester hits, when Dogathon is finally over and I am no longer attached to the senior batch; will I too take advantage of the empty schedule and not spend time with them anymore?

I think about all these a lot, and they really worry me. I need to seek balance from academics, experiences, relations, health and self-improvement.

I know life is all about juggling these, but I'd just wish I had someone to talk about these, at least someone who is close enough around to understand and see what I'm actually going through.

It's another rant, but to focus or segregate? It's a tough one.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Buffetting : Rant

Probably one of those days when my hormonal levels fluctuate like the roller coaster in Dreamland, Gold Coast.

I'm doing my dream course now so people out there who sees this probably ask me to shut the fuck up if I'd ranted, but I still do want to.

It's not easy to be clamped between 2 different academic years. It's like you have to assume split personalities, and its like going after scheduled trains to keep up relationships between 2 very distinct, very LARGE group of people.

I told myself to keep fun with the previous batch and academics in the new batch, and it worked pretty much. But scars do remain. It's not easy to see people doing things differently than you are, when its like double dose when I take up positions in so many different extra curricular activities, not to mention the pursuit of my Japanese proficiency outside of the university curriculum hours. Doing that reduces the amount of time I get to spend with the fun-batch, but I'm still tied up.

It's really weird. I'm always being tied up. How did it come to the level that I can't untie myself? Or the very fact is that I chose to tie myself up in the first place? Or its the fact that my subconscious tied it all up.

The ex-housemates told me to prepare to get over it, while the Co-director told me to just let it be, and just don't try too hard in fitting in.

I am trying, seriously. But I just can't help it. As cold and steady as I might look, I don't exactly give in when it comes to relationships. Heck, I'm a freaking Leo.

It's like a constant struggle, and I can still never let go the fact that my mom took this away from me. She have given me so much, but she has also equally taken away so much from me. It's like a love-hate relationship. If you'd ask me do I love her, I won't be able to swiftly give an answer because I have to think before I do so. It's like, I can't say it because all the things she gave just balances out with the things the took away. Rationally a mother gives away so much than what she takes, but taking those away in really high times just balance everything out within a snap.

I don't know. I've been so busy with every other stuffs, and all these just come in when a song in the playlist plays.Each song in the playlist meant a period, and something to me, that's the reason I put them into the list in the first place. The song resonates the events took place in that period, and my feelings when they were first known to me.

Things have became what they become, and I'm really in the midst of losing myself soon. I just don't know how to deal with the upcoming academic schedule, and what the time differences will do to me and these 2 batches.

Maybe I'm just the person not belonging in either place. Somehow my life has been programmed to be so. And I'm pretty tired in continuing with this fight. Maybe I should just stay robot.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Buffetting : Apparently

People have been noticing the existence of my blog, noting that they expect constant updates.

People have been noticing the trends of my blog, nothing that I might be posting something and some sort.

People expects me to post about my bad-hair days and my dilemma to rebond my hair or not. Which is truly redundant because I don't want them straight as fluff.

People expects me to be in a constant dilemma in most decisions and waiting them to appear in the blog.

There's loads of apparent.

I'm not sure how'd the direction of this blog would sail from now on. It's a blur as of now, because I kinda refuse to post about SRC matters of Dogathon related as there are other platforms which I am updating about them.

It means indirectly that my life is a blur. I lack a purpose, an aim, and a target.

Something I've lost since I've started to get busy.

Something I've lost since I began to ponder around relationships. Sometimes I'd hope I could just cut them short and live my life. But in our veterinary fraternity, relations beat everything else.

Something I've lost since I've been thinking deep. I shouldn't be thinking too much, but my mind doesn't stay constant.

But I do have had plans for my upcoming term break to chase after my aims. Let's hope these plans would have allowed me to settle down and drive my heart towards something I'd really see myself in the future.

As of now, apparently, I'm lost.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Buffetting : Can't help

I can't help but to notice something about the best bud.

I don't exactly have the guts to nudge him about it, or maybe it just ain't my business.

But I just can't help but to notice.

Despite in the midst of Dogathon, SRC and academics, I still can't help but to notice.

Maybe its because we should actually notice it together. Geez, it might be the first thing that pulled us together as a pair of close mates at the first place.
High school might not be my best memories, but it was with you.

I can't help it, but if it is what I think it is, just know that I'm always happy for you.

Despite what's going on with you-know-what-related matters, over those miles I'm still right here happy for you.

PS: Wish your mom Happy Mother's Day for me too kay? Meet her up during wesak then.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Buffetting : De-pessimisting

I wonder if such word exist.

It's another tidal wave coming right into my face without me knowing it.

I'm pretty sure my cortisol level went up tremendously before I took in a handful of almond milk chocolate to calm myself down.

Let's hope next Monday will be a perfect day for some rescheduling.

Or its a dull semester for me in the next one.


Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Buffetting : Disengage

I'm pretty well known to be vocal in the community I immerse/d in.

If something goes wrong, I usually do not hesitate to sound it and make corrections to it.

After being elected as the student rep, I've experienced several events that trained me to think at least twice, before I post a comment about any issues today.

As for the G-E, I've done a few parts in sounding my opinions in several different postings on the social media, and at some point I gave up in rebutting with people who are being clouded by the mentality of ethnicity inherited from their forefathers.

Me being Chinese is a background, not my nationality. It's like Kelatanese Malay vs Subang Malay likewise Hokkien vs Hakka. In this case, Malay vs Chinese vs Indians. We might have different background but we sit under the wings of Malaysia.

I refuse to hold on to the beliefs of ethnicity and being Chinese.

I'm a Malaysian first, and a Chinese as background. If I were to be sent out to a battlefield for my country with a reasonable stake, I would.

I'm not a keen person to separate things via race, its like apartheid all over. Even as a student rep and I was told to consider more for the "Chinese students".

I though deep down inside, "What necessity is there to do so?"

Probably I've yet to be in situations where ethnic really matter a lot till today, but my course , my faculty itself has shown diversity creates magical moments. And only those who are ill-willed try to categorize people into ethnics and demoralize people. I've met awesome Malays, Indians, Kadazans and even Sri Lankas, and what we need to do its tolerate and embrace difference; share the beauty of it instead of putting all the flaws into a dish and pick on them. When people have a united goal, difference is not a factor in the picture. In fact, we are the same physiologically anyway.

So the father called in to halt me from posting any fraudulent posts in the social media.

I don't do sharing or commenting these days, and I certainly wish not to mingle with politics now. At least not when I'm being scrutinized by the whole university's student body; VC; Deputy VC, and pete knows how many other invisible eyes out there.

Even if I'd stepped down, I wouldn't anyway. I'm just tired. I can voice my opinions, but not in social medias. A right path can be used to channel these thoughts.

As of now, we shall wait for the results or reform after 21 days, and I should totally focus on working out and Dogathon right now.

 PS: Baking was totally fun. Should be going after something lil bit more complex in the next batch.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Buffetting : Home

It's mainstream to not be mainstream, oh to hell for mainstream.

Heated subject: General Elections.

I think I will just pass this, unless you guys really want me to dedicate a post which I can heck relate a whole memoir on this, but let's pass.
Beryl Serdang is having 50% sales! Dark Chocolate (80%) is recommended for a RM22 bundle!

Subang during the election is pretty, quite.

Apart from the fact that cars are being parked across the street to the International school opposite my house being one of the polling stations, the whole area seemed to be so much less bustling.

A Subang I used to know back in the early 2000s.
good ol homemade porridge

A place quite peaceful and less hectic.

A place I missed, just a little. Streets were less congested, despite the fact that the traffic light near my house malfunctioned, streets were really less congested and heck I miss that.

This weekend was pretty much, relaxing. With Test 2 out of the way, and most of the Student Rep duties off my back, the days after Friday literally was a drag.

Not that I'm complaining, but I guess I've somehow forgot the ways to take things in a slower pace. Even Subang seemed to be slow paced for the past 2 days.

The general election seemed to be still at its course, while I blatantly rested at home enjoying my day with only 30 minutes swim today.
its Dim Sum fest in Bt Serdang before heading home

Tomorrow shall be a productive day, with an hour of swim, an hour of Body Combat, an early morning of brownies baking and a late morning session of bitch showering.

To a better tomorrow, for me and our country.