Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Buffetting : Right in the Middle

I was in the shower the other day, and I had these thoughts lingering in my mind.

It was about a post my friend posted on FB about my leave of absence in UPM.

I was somehow, blessed or cursed, 2 chances of experiencing, AND being enrolled in 2 different medical programs

And of course every readers know they are Veterinary Medicine, and *human* Medicine.

Recalling one of the memories I shared with my room mate in UPM, in which his first choice was also, Medicine for the local university. Yet, he got this 7th choice, veterinary medicine.

He couldn't pursue medicine due to various reasons, mostly his family background and he had to resolve to what he was being offered.

However, he did say that if he could have pursued medicine, he would have stick to it.

And there came the other friend who posted on FB. It's a she this time, and it was her life time dream to be enrolled in a vet school.

Actually, she was the reason I'd given vet school a try at the first place, because they did mention how hard it was to get into one.

She was upset when she found out I've gotten the admission into the vet program in UPM.

She wasn't offered because her CGPA wasn't suffice, but of course my roommate didn't meet the requirement for medicine program either.

So I was, and still am in the dilemma.

My roommate would have died to be in my shoes, taking the medical program, even more in the so-to-speak "best" private medicine university in the country.

My FB friend, would have died to be in my shoes, taking the vet program, in the best(cause there's UMK offering vet also) vet university in the country.

Sometimes I'd just wish I quit both schools and take up some bizarre course like linguistics or something.

Perhaps law?

Or probably just German or Korean.

Latin or French? Or Spanish?

OR I should probably make up my mind to choose either vet or med.

But one thing is for sure, I'm definitely not enjoying the last bit of my med school experience.

The company, maybe, but I'm definitely keeping a distance. Other than that, everything seemed to be like a chore to me.

I'm like a dead body loathing the corners of my university.

At least that is how I feel for now.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Buffetting : Google-d

At least I know how people might track me in the Google-o-sphere

But then again, ain't it super dangerous to be exposed so?

Should I privatize my blog? Or I should just probably ignore.

Minutes and assignments again~

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Buffetting : Icluded

And here I thought I wasn't suppose to form any attachment towards my current university.

Apparently I got selected as a committee member for one of the division I signed up for in the course.

Yikes, I was really trying to be one of the underlings instead of those working like hog up there.

What's worse, I've actually volunteered to take up the secretary job(hoping to be one of the future sexataries, but Pete knows when will that happen). The job is like pre-during and post event intensive. Which means I'm going to die taking this position.

Great, now I've allegedly made a connection and attachment.

Oh well, lets experience this first. We'll see how things go.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Buffetting : Conflicts

I'm not even sure if its an argument, or it was just a small disagreement.

The first so called "fight" took place finally in our group today.

Conflict happens all the time, its just how we deal with it.

Today, we were supposed to have a debate over a freakishly biased motion, and I was in the opposition team.

Well, it was lot-drawing, so everything was fair and square in terms of lots.

Yet, in terms of favorable, the whole theme was totally redundant to be debate about, because the motion is exactly what we are learning in the current course, and what we need to uphold.

But the conflict wasn't between me and my mates, cause they rocked.

It was with one of the government mates, first speaker.

I would just put O there, its much more disclosed this way.

O was determined to win the debate, though there wasn't any implication after the debate that they won.

But of course they would have won, the whole motion favored, and was extremely biased.

Anyhow, the determination was to the point that he wasn't even willing to be in the same room with us, the opposition team to discuss his points with his mates.

Apparently everyone else in his team wanted to stay with us, except for him. At least from where I see it.

I wasn't even one bit worried that our group's points would be "eaves-dropped" by their group, let alone will I do it.

But I guess O had the "typical Chinese syndrome" in O real hard, thought I wouldn't tell what race O is.

The thing is, we are a group, what we should do is just help each other out instead of turning our backs, even if its a debate.

Who knows, we might put up with a very interesting debate in-prompt-Tu if we had discussed a lil.

Oh well, conflicts in life.

PS: My group mates were really confident that I might leave the program soon, which I do intend. It's weird that people say "Don't leave" when you tell them you are leaving.

But doesn't it bogs you on how true it is?

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Buffetting : That's too Bad

It is, I was really rooting for those two.

Apparently, a possible life-mate material of two university mates of mine decided to hold their relationship to the next step.

I wouldn't put it as a "shock". After all, I've seen worse.

But still, it is really waste. They were going so well with each other, but in the end it didn't turn out too well. I was actually planning to volunteer myself as their future children's god-father.

Guess I was speaking too fast?

Then again, anything can happen. Who knows they might have a divorce after?

Then again, its another alternate reality.

I would say both of the parties are really good husband and wife material, even for other individuals. They both shared similar warmth and consideration which I don't see in other people, so I really thought things would have worked out.

Sadly, the girl fell for another guy, which I think he was from the high school days. Let's hope this guy would be as good, even better than my university mate.

Yet, what I was really happy was, he chose to confide in my instead of anyone else in the course.

Thanks, I'd really appreciate this trust you have in me.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Buffetting : Another State of Depression

I am a full-fledged attention seeker , and things aren't going well around now.

When I signed up for Monash, I knew people and lives in UPM will go on, even without my presence.

Today there were some posts over Dogathon flying through my eyes in FB.

It is the point of the year where DVMs in UPM are required to prepare for the massive event of the year.

Last year, when I was in the course, it was like a death sentence to me that if I continued I would be taking over, at least one major designation one way or another. Sadly, I left.

And now I see my friends taking over positions, and I feel helplessly left out.

This is still bearable, if I'm equally active here.

Yet, things are different.

Upon the first stay I stood in Monash, I told myself to not participate so actively, like what I thought I had told myself back in UPM; so that the Attachment factor wouldn't stick in.

So I wasn't. I let the youngsters shine.

PS: I'm like the 2nd oldest around. STPMer mar.

I didn't bother being active and loud and all

I didn't run for Course rep.

I didn't actively go know everyone in the course.

I'd just didn't want to have any attachment, which makes leaving easier.

However, there was this sign up form for the various committees in the Medicine programs' society, known as MUMeds( Monash University Meds) , and I left my name here and there, just to try things out.

A few of my friends got the email to participate.

I was checking my monash mail these few days just to see if I was sent as well.

Yea you got the answer right, a No.

I'm not sure how should I react to this. Should I just ignore, and do whatever I want? Just go to the aerobic classes in the gym, and just go through lecture notes and all shit.

I mean, I'm okay with my group mates for tutorials and all, but beyond that, should I even care?

Some how, the emptiness my head is increasing by the day, probably with excess spare time and lack of interest in what I've signed up for.

I lost sense of directions, I'm like in a lost pit now.

Sometimes, I just wish I could give a suicide attempt to just scare my parents off.

But morality bites.

I'm currently in the state of depression, great.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Buffetting : Choices

It just sparked to me how fickle minded and easily swayed I am in life.

Today we were discussing over a grammar topic of happy choices and hard choices, in our Japanese class.

We had plenty of happy choices, some included:

1) Selecting destinations for traveling

2) Selecting cars

3) Selecting lovers(wthell right?)

4) Selecting food

Stuffs like that. Some even have no problem in making much selections in their lives.

Some hard choices raised were:

1) Selecting house chores

2) Selecting names for children

3) Selecting jobs

4) Selecting dinner venues

And stuffs like that.

As for my answer, I just blurted that I'm bad in making choices, being I just can't make definite choices.

I make choices, and I look back.

Guess I'm a perfectionist in making choices.

I just wish things would be better if I could do both.

Then this reminds me of what we were discussing in Ethics class for our Medicine course.

There's 2 patients in the refuge camp. One being prime minister and has urinary tract infection, and another baby with gastrointestinal tract infection.

Who will you save the last dosage of antibiotic for?

Some said for the most important people of the country, some said a younger life.

I was asking if we could just separate the dosage, and wait for further assistance for more dosage and replenish them later.

But life is never perfect. Doing that will cause the bacteria in the body to be much more tolerant to the antibiotic.

Not good for the patient.

So seriously, I guess I suck in making choice, and I like to make sure both parties are okay.

But, life is all about harsh choices ain't it? You already have to choose over Play Station and Mandarin Language even when you were 10.


Friday, March 9, 2012

Buffetting : Gift

Sometimes we do get people telling us things like,

"I think you will become a good *fill in the blank*"

And we go like, yea thanks for the compliment.

But when people fill in those blanks for us, how many instances are there in which we'd actually really wish to be those blanks?

Upon enrollment into the medicine program, although it was just the first semester I've been receiving multiple comments from people that I will make a good doctor, well at least a human one.

Reason being : Just their vibes.

Do I really have the human doctor look?

What about my lecturer look? My group mates actually enjoy me teaching them Biochemistry over the current lecturer. So, I will be a good lecturer too, not?

And what about my affinity for animals? I'm pretty good with livestock, while during my practicals I was also given comment that I'm natural with animals. Don't I make a good veterinarian too?

Today we had a party of disabled guests in our tutorial on sociology of medicine, and we had:

1- Christopher who'd attained a disorder which I forgotten, but it caused him his mental ability, and some extend his movement ability.

2- William who'd got the William's syndrome, where the elasticity of some of the body's tissue is impaired, costing his respiratory and speaking abilities, and he is very susceptible to flu.

3- Wai Kit who had autism, and he wasn't aware of his surrounding, but still able to provide an adequate intensity of communication with people. However, he wasn't good enough in delivering, and it cost his job opportunity as sales assistant in Giant.

4- Ms Pathma, who lost her leg during her university days in 1975, due to an accident in the campus with a bus. For a person who is 57, she certainly looked no more than 40. She stays young at heart, to stay young outside. Heck she goes to pubs in her wheelchair!

5- Mr Faruq, who got his movement impaired when he was infected by a bacteria/virus during his research days in 2010, where his myeline sheath of the neurons were degenerated by the infection, resulting him with a lesser ability to move.

I had the most interaction with Ms Pathma and William. Ms P was nice enough and full of energy to talk about her experiences, to cope with life and even getting a special car and all. She also did tell me to go for what I want instead of my parents' because I will live the life, not them. Well, I'd keep that in view for now.

William on another hand made me thinking. For a 24, he certainly acted more like a 16, when he still calls his mother Mommy. For a person who was labeled as DISABLED, he didn't look any different from any 16 yrs old out there.

Except he had some problems pronouncing words, due to the muscle elasticity problems. William is also extra social active, due to his chromosomal disorder at Xmosome 7. He tends to be much more interactive, at point to the extreme; in another words an opposite of autism.

He enjoys waving to people, telling people his name, and also HUGGING people.

I was one of his favorite hugging targets in the hall today. He literally hugged me all the chance he have.

Probably because I have excess adipose tissue. Which made me wonder if I should keep them or shed them.

Shed them, I will still be huggable after on if I'm already huggable now.

OR because I am a natural? Hmm.... Should I continue with medicine then since I'm good with people? What about animals?

One funny thing happened was; William massaged me on back when I was chatting with Ms P, and he uttered;

"You're fat ar"

I was like, haha wtheck? And I just said YEA, probably that made me so huggable to you right? XD

Meeting these people, interacting with 2 of them and being someone who people find comfort in, isn't this what I had always wanted to be?

So isn't medicine a profession which allow me to do so?

But, I get closer to nature, AND solitary if I picked up veterinary medicine. That's something which I also wish to venture, before I get old and unable to move around.

Can't I be as comforting as being a human doctor, as a veterinarian?

Should we embrace our gifts, and venture into something we might not be good at but we love doing it?

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Buffetting : Moving on.

Today was really all about moving on. IT was the day when STPM 2011's results was released, and judgment day for pretty much all STPMers 2011, who were all my juniors.

I went to the 6th Form school during the 3 hours break from lectures and tutorials, and boy I love that school.

The whole place gave me the similar feeling of what I did when I stepped into UPM, homy.

Monash and Taylors never did give me any of these. Well, at least not yet for Monash.

Anyways, I went on to chat with a few teachers on how I'm doing, the dilemma and the choices.

Heck, my medicine mentor teacher was like so hardcore against me changing, probably because she'd really saw me as a human doc since I was in 6th form.

Anyhow, I felt kinda guilty when I told her I'd like veterinary medicine more now. She was all the way with me in 6th form when I was long and blur, keeping tipping on which university to target and apply for.

Well, I got into Monash, one school which ALL, I mean ALL her daughters got into. Her 1st and 2nd daughter both graduated from Monash Sunway and are working in Australia now.

She'd say she can actually pull some strings in Oz for me if I'd really wanna practice there.

Talk about making use of CONNECTIONS.

Lets go back to the juniors. I had only 10 minutes with them, cause tutorial was at 1, and the HM was in only like 12.20. Seriously, be a lil more earlier next time lady.

We had 10 top scorers, meaning all of them have had a CGPA of 3.5 and above.

Sadly, people whom I was close to didn't manage to be in the list.

The science streamers wasn't really doing well, the best they've got was 3As and 1B+, while ours managed to nab 2As, 2A-s.

And one of my close junior didn't do that well at all. He's gotten A-, B+,B- and a D+.

With one extra D+, its going to be tough for him to enroll in ANY school at all, because of the universities, private ones no less have minimal requirement of C+ at least.

And he was pondering between pharmacy and medicine.

this is going to be H-A-R-D.

He's a great dude, good charisma and all, very devoted to the Dharma. But I guess luck didn't work its way around his studies.

This is going to be so hard, because without a good results at pre-u level, one can only go so far in course application. I wonder how tough is it going to be for him in his next coming months.

That was one move, another is my Japanese alter ego.

I passed the last Advance 7 with a 90%, though I totally should have done better in my comprehension.

Now I'm in Advance 8. After passing my JLPT N2, I'm more determined to pass N1 now.

However, I did consider stopping my normal class due to the fact that I'm in med school now, and what's worst an extra load might not be an exactly great Idea.

Yet, an extra curricular session will do good in de-stressing and also my CV addition.

But, see how many "buts and all" I've been using, my current class teacher will be quitting her job in 3 weeks' time.

This was due to the fact that she is now Married, she needs to have more time with her spouse, who napped her all the way to Selayang.

And the fact that she need to cook and all at night, which contradicts the night classes in ICLS, she had to quit.

I really liked her though, but she had to move on. We were actually on a race to see who actually stops first, us students; or her.

In the end it was her.

Oh well.

People move on, now its people whom we are close to now.

Now to move on to sleep.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Buffetting : Step by step

So I was like ranting over how Biochemistry was so lame and the urgency to pick it up wasn't that intense.

Apparently everyone told me, its just the 1st semester, take it easy.

Yeah, I better do or I might seriously end up doing medicine.

Today we finally met up with our Study Buddies in yr 2, where all the crazy people already manifested into psychos.

Our 4 buddies were okay, at least we had a balance of 2 lively ones, and 2 not so. It's a great mix, cause someone will pull us back.

And heck we've got the best 2nd yrian in our group man, how cool is that.

Surprisingly, STPMer. Oh yea, we rock like that.

However, lets not get too into it. Veterinary medicine awaits.

Then it was time to meet up a long unmet friend for months, cause he was busy, I was busy, and this and that. I thought we had chemistry, but as a matter of fact we do, and I got totally bro-zoned.

Thank goodness I found out his affection towards one of the 2nd yr girl in UPM who is also in K17 residential, before anything else could happen.

What could happen anyway right?

Caught up here and there, and we do have similar views for some topics.

Future job prospect crisis, vet over med, passion over mission from parents, same ol same ol.

Talking to him made me realize how I'd actually missed UPM so much.

My company, my course, my university, heck my residential room.

But I still have 10 weeks determining period.

Come on Binn/Robinn/Yong Bin/Tempus, its time to know your definites.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Buffetting : Relevance

Well, lets hope I have time to post for the next 10 weeks of my life like this everyday.

Shit, I missed combat again.

Anyway, its just so weird in lecture today.

Almost half of the class was so lost when the lecturer was talking about TCA/Krebs/Citric acid cycle.

For a person who have learned it in STPM, then again in Biochemistry course, and now again; I'd able to rewrite everything down to the last details.

The SAM coursemates of mine were hoping so dearly that what they need to know is of the minimum, and the freaking lecturer said YES.

Oh Em Gee, are you kidding me??!!! I'd actually had nightmares of these cycles running in my brain and you are telling I need NOT memo them in MED SCHOOL?


Ok then, guess I should relax and all and screw all the biochem classes. I did it in UPM once, I can do better in Monash.

Ugh, or should I screw my grades seeing I wouldn't want to be in here the next sem anyway?

Alright, chillin to the grillin. Be OPEN MINDED.

I've told myself multiple million of times over past month.

So its like irrelevant for me to keep those cycles in my head now. Or should I just to stand out more?


I need a purpose in life.

Tmr, its combat day!

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Buffetting : JLPT N2


Its kinda late to post this cause I got the results like, days ago.

But FYI readers, I've finally known to pass my JLPT N2!!!

Yay! It's like the 2nd level of the 5 tiered hierarchy, and I only have one more level to go for the top level, N1.

Then I can finally get to professional level 1, and entry to Japanese companies~

As for the scores,

I should I have done better if I weren't that busy during the prep course period. However, A and B should be good enough. Though I wanted strings of As hehehe

Just for the reference:
Look at N2

Now, I need to work towards N1 one!

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Buffetting : The Actual Reason

I was pretty much surprised myself, till I'd actually found out the actual reason I did not wish to take up medicine just lately.

I do not want to associate myself with my old life.

Old life meaning staying in Subang Jaya, meeting the same ol people whom I just need to throw a pebble in the air and I hit someone I know.

What's more, the driver's duty, the never ending phone calls from the family to perform tasks, last bu not least the bitter memories Subang Jaya had scarred me with.

I was talking to one of my girl friends from UPM yesterday while she asked me ,"How're things going in Monash?"

The answers I got was," Well, it's just like my old life. Old life meaning what I usually do in my old home. Same company, same faces, same venues, same experience."

"While UPM gave a new life, one I was looking for ever since I knew Subang was not the place, at least not the ONLY place which I'm contained to. That's why I loved it so much there. It gave me, a NEW life."

That took me long to realize. I need not travel to Japan for a new life, nor to Singapore for that matter.

20 kilometers away from home, was vivid enough to give a new life, torn away from those scars which I was left with.

That took me, really long to realize.