Monday, October 28, 2013

Buffetting : Updates and Being Lost

With limited access to internet while my phone data continuously bickering me about my data limit, I'd save all my listed posts for the holiday next week instead, since its gonna take major data supply on the photos.

I'm finally relieved of my duty as the student rep in my faculty. I've yet to complete one task, which is the vending machine installation, but I'd figure I'd help my junior with that instead.

As for life without responsibilities have been mundane, and grades were just so so, borderline A.

I guess I lost the drive to study without the time constraints? But its not an issue, I aim for an A and practicality anyway, not prizes over prizes.

And more time for my mind to float around, and self talk.

The LDR with T was fine until I have TIME.

It's really bad because I would just hope the messages come through in the day but it would affect T's studies; I can't be expecting messages in the night because there's no wifi around T; add that to raging hormones and extra time, I'm really on a haywire now.

I should probably focus on my studies, but there's only so long I can focus.

We'd promise our presence in each others' graduation; spending time for each other in both countries if possible; I guess I'm just very free right now.

Apart from that, it's like I'm lost in the midst of nowhere now. Before Dogathon ended, I had more excuses and reasons to meet the friends. But now that I'm free, I'm just lost.

I can never stop blaming my parents for taking this away from me, and myself for not being strong enough back then. Thing would be REALLY DIFFERENT if I had persisted.

"You have an eccentric way of taking things in life in the hard way." Lady Boss quoted that.

"You think too much while doing stuffs." Best Bud quoted that.

I thought I've finally found my turf, but one way or another I'm once again lost. I don't connect to them as I used to, and the only thing keeping us together, at least from where I see it, is just the pity I get from them for me trying very hard. Sometimes I'm really tired of keeping this up.

I know friendship is 2 way, and of course friends find time for each other. But it is really tiring. I need to go to the faculty at time to bump into people and ask whether they are interested for lunch; sometimes they ate I have to turn away; they have tests while I don't; they are discussing about class subjects while I awe in despair; I'm not sure if I can keep this up.

Today was test drive of zero commitment, from where I see it, its a pretty lonely life. T can't do much because there's a limit. After the 1 week of mid semester break, I'd figure I should just disconnect completely with the faculty. I should learn doing that, after all these while.

Between balancing Friends, Family, Activities last 2 semesters was fun; but now that activities have taken its departure, its as if the whole balance toppled and crash.

As for other commitments such as the VP of the Cultural Arts society, I've decided to just screw it. Not worth my time and energy, as it wasn't my lot or interest grounds to begin with.

They say music heals soul. I should begin with mine soon.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Buffetting : Apparently 2

Well, apparently seemed to be the perfect word to use here, apparently.

Apparently, my blog is again under the scrutiny of, my course mates.

Not that I'm complaining because I do appreciate the crowd, but there are well, some matters which I didn't exactly wanted to expose to the other faculty members BEFORE.

Apparently, I told another 3 more girls about T, and they took well.

It's kind of a blessing, as the people around me are understanding enough. The matter now is, should I tell more? It's pretty scary because words travel faster from the mouth compared to the texts.

Apparently, I exposed T without me know in one of the post; and the dudes who went to the conference with me knew about T now.

I felt like the biggest ASS in the world for doing that; well for not covering up properly at least. Who knows, like some might even just google up the real name just to find out. Not that the people around me are THAT obsessed of my relationship, but tea.

Apparently, the calling to go to Thailand on next April was pretty right.

T will be having the practical in one of the conservation center around; and I can join that practical! I mean, I can be joining, but I still have yet to obtain approval from my lecturer as well as the doctor in charge. Crossing my fingers really hard. In that case, finishing my practical and THEN Songkran with T would be just, perfect.

Provided I meet all the requirements. Or all these excitement would be all for nothing.

Apparently, finally, I don't give a damn anymore if anyone in the faculty finds out and wish to expose.

It's not like I can control their mouth, or their desire to tell the whole wide world about my predicament, or rather my blessing. I'm not longer any public figure such as the Student Council Rep, the Director for events, the Active associate. Na daa. I'm finally free, and I should be enjoying my life from now on.

Life has been a drag lately because of my screwed up joints. I wanna get back on my active lifestyle in sports and combat to shed those belly. Or I won't be able to enjoy Songkran. Nyahahahaha.

Short term aim: Song Kran and wildlife practical.

On the side note, we finally talked a little on this paranoia I had. I was being a little inconsiderate because I was expecting T to be spending more time with me. But little do I remember, that being a vet student is unexceptionally busy at the first place.

When T said "I will arrange my time" I felt like I'm the suckiest person ever. Like really, I could have done more than that to make T utter such words. If this relationship should be anything, it should be anything BUT burden to the both of us.

It was just me, and well, seeing semester is beginning again for T, I guess I should be a little more patient and definitely more understanding,  with the spendable time. That's the least I can do, I think.

Hypersensitivity and Cytotoxic lymphocytes here I come!

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Buffetting : Rush

The Airasia sales, is really making me very tempted.

It's only RM500 through and back Chiang Mai next April, and its during my mid semester break, AND Songkran festival!

The call is VERY STRONG. But I have yet to make my move.

I wanted to discuss with T about, whether should I go, or should I let it go.

But T seemed to be, busy with the rabies camp, so to speak.

It's adrenaline rush, hormonal rush, sugar rush, Pete knows.

When logic and heartbeat meets, its definitely World War Omega.

Logically speaking, its only like a week? And what am I going to do on the days before Song Kran?

Song Kran starts at 12th, when my break begins from 3rd to 13th April.

1 and a half day?

Hmm, logically speaking, its not that fun.

I wonder if T really hopes I can make it, or T would just say, its fine, we can do this next time.

Would that mean that T ain't that eager?

On the side note, I was talking with the girls about my profile picture lately.

Apparently I'm being really close to, well to put it simple everyone.

Intimacy seemed to be like not an issue to me while dealing with others, be it guy or girl.

Putting my arms over others' shoulders, holding hands, nudging them with my shoulder, basically any non-erotic body contact with anyone; wouldn't be an issue.

So and so the girls said my profile picture would be a real issue since, well, intimacy can facilitate jealousy. The girls seriously think that my intimacy with others might cause an issue between me and T, even more when T actually knows how I deal with people in my daily life basis.

But, it is who I am, and I get close to people easily. Trying to be evasive, well only works when I decide to do so, or when I feel like there's a need to stay away.

Or else, everyone would be my next family.

So the dilemma of the day:
1- Should I get those plane tickets, give T a surprise, or just let it go?
2- Should I stay dainty and hyper, being close to everyone, or begin to keep my distance, especially pictures?

Hmm... for dilemma 2, its gonna be really hard because its just not me to do so.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Buffetting : Course Night 2013

The theme this year was "Gangster and Nerd"

Something which I had a lot of problem trying to get an outfit for. I've been gangster all the way since, forever for my size and pattern.

Prior to the dinner I managed to drop by KLCC for promo stroll in my Fred outfit in promoting DogathonTM 2013.

Which I found my look after I took a round in Uniqlo.

As a school boy hahaha. Somehow I kinda dig this look. The whole outfit would have been better,

If I had a better looking pants to go with it.

So as like how previous year's course nights go, performances over one after another. This is the first year, my 3rd, which I finally do not have to do anything anymore in the night; being the OC, checking this and that bla bla bla.

Good thing definitely, so I can enjoy the night, the performance and definitely the food.

Can you spot the nerdiest one among all? Apparently he is also the smartest one among all trolololol

Well, I have to say I DID enjoy the night, but like all narcissists, my batch's one definitely tops it all.

The night's main intention is to celebrate the final years, and welcoming the first. So the presentations revolved really around them the most. 

The 3rd and 4th years, well are predominantly just there to support the 2nd years, and celebrate the final years respectively.

I had limited close to zero interaction with the first years, since my junior is not around. So I shall let the pictures to do the talking then:

sisters forever?

bros for life?

direct buddies!

With the couple from Curse of Dogathon

Last but not least, a finale:

I'm still wondering which year is my final course night year? Year 5 or Year 6? Should I be the emo kid skipping either year? Or should I just be the suave Tempus attending both, allowing the juniors to know my legend?

Hmm, skeptical.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Buffetting : Future and Promises

So finally the girls knew who T is. Some surprised, some took it well.

It became real casual talking about T, and since the nature of our relationship is based merely on trust and mutual respect, it became really abstract without the physical contact part in a relationship.

What I am facing now is, security. T is not a fan of the future, all the time. On the other hand, I need assurance of the future, at least a direction where I know I'm heading.

Big Sis mentioned that she's the type going on:

"Take one step at a time. T didn't give promises because things might change in the future."

On the other hand, we used the 2nd chance's as example, and quoted:

"Polar bear went all out, going for a 2nd time to get together with Heart. There's got to be some credit for him, and its so unfair to say that this relationship is not given a direction of going far as to getting to the marital stage."
just little things we share over LINE to spice up our conversations

It's like a dilemma.

On one hand, we don't make promises because we might not be able to take on the variables in our environment. On the other, we all wish to have some sort of assurance, or direction on where we are heading now after.

Side note, T and I are planning to go further. If we have the chance, any at all; our graduation pictures should include both of us.

One in 2016, where I'd probably will be having my clinical practicals in one of the vet universities in T's place; one in 2017, where I'd host T while having T in my graduation pictures.

I wonder how my family would react to as T coming over just to be in my pictures. Will the cat be out of the bag?

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Buffetting : Multitasking

A junior mentioned that I'm pretty much everywhere in the faculty, doing multiple tasks at once.

But somebody out there might beg to differ when I'm not being able to book a venue for a stupid talk due to my stupid identity as a VC in the cultural club.

Anyway, 1st runner up for my very first sports event of the year. Intercollege squash competition

I had to hit the painkillers to play today, for my first game totally thrashed my lower back on Tuesday, talk about pre-marital make out disorder. Kinda worried since this has persisted for a long time, it some how WILL influence, one way or another of the, well intimate part of my life.

Hopefully tomorrow's test I can score with flying colors.

Speaking of which, I wonder T would do the same; staying up for me while I study till late night 2am like what I did for T.

Well, I'm pretty much a bad boy for making T to suffer; on the other hand there's a call saying "T should totally be with me man!"

Back to cardiac output!

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Buffetting : Emptiness

Being busy for the largest event I took up in my life for the past 12 months, the abrupt let go seemed so anti-climatic. Probably because we have yet to settle some issues, monetary or management wise with everyone else's tests going on in week 5.

I guess I was being insensitive to one of the girls. I was really prepared to tell them about T, how we met, how this relationship is really going.

So and so when I texted the reply was she has no mood for it. I baffled, almost to the extent of screwing this whole shit, until she replied again that she had to prepare for a test on Thursday.

Guilt wreck kicked in because I put her into a position to not being able to study at first as she held great responsibility in the event. I'm pretty much a douche to say my relationship is more important than her grades.

I'm sorry, I should have been more sensitive than that. It's a good thing I managed to contain my emotions, while my back pain causing me to a trip to the hospital totally made me to distracted to throw any tantrums at all.

Update on the whole event of Dogathon on next post, if I have decent net connection at home.