Tuesday, April 28, 2009

KZB on: What have I been doing?

Its officially a month since I have been studying in Taylors, including the 1 week holidays of moral studies and also another week of holiday, rotting at home and enjoying the joys of an unemployed loser*roll eyes*

Anyway, its only just today that I found out on the first time of my life, I was FREAKIN' intimidated.

A hall full of High SPM Achievers, Subang Jaya TUC is like the "geek-magnet" man. I don't mean the students are geeks, but honestly, they are all freakin' smart.

My class alone dominated half of the March Intake 11A1s and 10A1s award, and I got stuck in the 7A1s to 10As category.
My class lar~
I was like, *shit* this place suck man... Why are they all so smart??????

But, the ceremony proceeded as these whirls in my tiny head.

I have to say, it was freakin' boring inside the hall, as they just call up names RANDOMLY to go up the stage for the award... Gosh this is so stupid man... But they have to accomodate THAT many students, and well I can't help to admit the excellency of their strategy.

Right in the hall, it was like FEEDING time...

Feed what?

Feed my eyes lar~~~~

Mini skirts to Smart-suits, gosh this place is not only the geek-magnet, its also the stud-magnet.
Too bad none of them caught my eyes, just a few who looked really familiar, and well, they don't seemed to recognize me because of my "transformation".

Yes Hannah, its time to brag about Binn...

Me, Yen Li and Hannah~+Xian jia at the back~

Funny though I didn't expect much claps when I walked down the red carpet(yeah they had one...) as my name was called. But the hall was like *CLAPSSSSS*

I freakin' turned towards the crowd and gave them a weird stare as I walked towards Dato Hassan for my cert.

Haha, guess my connection IS wide.
Carmen with a C, a.k.a Miss CHAN~~~

I had friends from KL who attended the ceremony too, and boy it was great to meet them there.

And by the end of the ceremony, as PM10 who have their own blog, Xenon Flashes and Carl Zeiss lenses is a must. We made a snappy group picture(not that snappy when eng kee kept her camera...) while I asked a dude to help me to take the picture using my phone.. And I stress on, he is a leng chai~~nyak nyak~~ wonder he remembers me~

After was cam-whoring all the way till we enter maths class for some briefing, and after was is left with history lar~~~~

NUS, should I just keep my ambitions low? I mean, I'm like the freakin' sloth from the north-east village and I don't really wanna study THAT hard to meet the criteria to enter NUS. From where Felicity had sounded, it doesn't sound good... AT ALL...

And I'm freakin hoping for a scholarship, when I freakin can't even study for my MORAL now... What about the other core subjects???

I AM A SLOTHH~~~~~~~~~

Meeting the requirements is a pain, and now I'm hoping for a scholarship???? I think I'm going to stick to one club... which is ANIME CLUB!!!! Taylors Anime Fair is COMING SOON!!!!

Or should I start a club? TBC sounds old school, but it just mean what it is suppose to, Taylors Blog-O Club... Nyak nyak... Soo ambitious~~~

What are we gonna do in the club anyway????

Akira,Kok Hoong,Fan,Cheok Tun, Jee Can and MEEEE

And here, I owe a deep apology for Akira by putting such harsh words about him on my *post*
and yes, hannah is right on the power of words, and that particular post was just a target to cast my rage and stress on. But it still doesn't mean that I can get away with it, and also my thoughts of him.

But I know time is essence, because no one gets close in just 30 days, we have another 13 months to go, and I believe by the end of our course, everything would be different.

Swithering Away,

Sunday, April 26, 2009

KZB on: Flashbacks and NewFlashes

Told you Yong Bin knows best when and where to take a photo~ (camera man material whey~)

Yesterday was heck of a day..

Meeting up old faces, and seeing how they have became, I'd say,


WE still joke around like little kids.

WE still love teasing our friends and their rumour-mates.

WE still snap pictures when ever we had the chance.

But one thing is for sure, WE are still talking to each other.

There is when everyone wants to play with NOtes~

Sometimes, honestly most of the time, when time passes, everything will change.

The one you talked to the most few months ago became the person you are treating the coldest.
The one you had shared most of the thing no longer wants to share it.

And that is how time actually dilutes these bonds.

Its like chemistry, literally speaking.

From strong hydrogen bonds, they broke up and formed into the temporary induced bonds.
And these bonds, can be further broken up easily, with only a small flick.

Yet, I'm glad I had also few others to share my thoughts with. They may not be as patient or as understanding, but they sure are there for us.

Anyways, back to the main topic.

Yes the Merit Awards Ceremony. It is held every year around this period, when the "brains" of the school will be presented with awards for their achievements and hardwork.

And this year, 64 of us were invited for the SPM awards, and glad to say, my class took up more than half of the participants in the hall.

Why? Because of the streaming policy we had in our school since we end our PMR.

Anyway, picture speaks the best.
PS: My brother got 1st in his class, guess the male genes in our family is more studious huh?

IMAN!!!! Everybody loves Iman lar~~~

Hannah I stress again, you ain't fat and you ARE PRETTY!!!!!!

though a little out of topic, I'm quite shocked with how people track me down for my blog.....
Guess my name for my blog and what I did is THAT different till the internet only recognizes one fella huh?

Anyway, thats for today, New Flashes, my A-levels nightmare~~~

PS2: I'm thinking of starting a B-log club in Taylors, wonder if it would work?

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

KZB on: Big Time LOSER~~~

Peeps, there is a Hari Kecemerlangan coming up this Saturday~

I was really eager to participate this event~

Until 5 minutes ago, when I discovered a devastating news from my friend, who coincidently is the Best All Rounder Student of the year, 2008.


Well, I was aiming for his position last year, that is why.

I think some how the God is really playing with my feelings and emotion.

Why does HE have to be always taking away all my hopes?

Seriously! It happened, COINCIDENTLY, last year , or rather in 2007 that he held my dream position as the Vice-Head Prefect.

And today, he is holding my dream position as the Best All Rounder Student...

Gosh I just hate to see this happening.

Yes i get the part which,

"Owh its you good friend who won you! So you get to be happy for him even you lost!"

stated but I don't think i can stand the blow for TWICE.

What is worse, THE SAME GUY.

MY life, is really going in circles....

Maybe I made the same mistake over and over?

Ignore the left one....
OR God just having fun picking on my dreams?

I worked soooo hard.

Sports, I got to States and Secretary.
Society, I got a President.
Uniform Body, I got Asst. Quartermaster.
Special Body, I got Disciplinary Officer.
PRS, I got a Exco Committee.

5 Freaking clubs to juggle, and I still freakin' stayed in the first class(which i have no idea why) to compete for top ten....

And this is what I get....

Honestly, I have no idea what I did to deserve this....

I do my work, I have worked so hard, just to see it flying right between my eyes....

I get the,

"Life is like that. You just have to accept how it is..."

But this is not the case!

I know it is not the case.

True he is smarter and all but,
He even looks good from side view~>.<

I worked 5 times more than normal people do.

I had to deal with my club.
I had to deal with my sports.
I had to deal with my prefect duties.
I had to deal with my academics.
I had to deal with my Japanese studies.
I had to deal with my dog.

And all these, POOOOF...

Nothing gives back...

Yeah, again i get the,

"You gain experience! The award means nothing! All you need is your heart!"

but, I think being materialistic is what made us human and,

I was too nice in the past to give everything away just like that. I want to be recognized. I want all my hard work to pay...

Guess I'm still a loser in the end.

Isn't he the sweetest looking guy???!!!!

No i don't hate him. I just hate myself for being so not capable to compete with others.

It's just that, sometimes the alter ego takes place and starting typing the crap like the above...

He is nice, sweet,smart, good-looking, HOT(with six-packs and all) and best of all, understanding.

Ain't he the perfect guy for women?

Hahaha yes he is...

What I'm trying to say is, maybe I was over confident with all my co-curiculum works. Maybe I don't deserve to have the award even from the beginning. It was meant for him.

He is the perfect candidate.

And I?

Nothing but a piece small fry...

Might as well stick to my Nanny duties... Long hours and no pay...

Swithering Away,

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

KZB on: Annoying bitches

I looked into his eyes.

The only word that can fit into the image is:

You effin RETARD!!!!!

Ugh how can someone be this annoying!!!!!

I'm a sloth, I admit. But at least when I was selected to be someone, I try my best to do it, and at least play my role as the leader to complete the Freakin' assignment!

Seriously, I have no idea how an intelligent student, can be so stubborn and slothy to NOT complete 3 freakin pages worth of crap in 5 days!!!

Maybe the smart asses aint that brilliant anyway...

"You care but I don't care; I don't care but you care" OmyFGourd How dare he say that?!!!

That effin transgender!!!!

!st he says im gay, now he is trying to be ignorant? What the hell is matter with him???!!!!

Goh I had never HATED a guy this much!!! Bitches maybe but not guys!

UGh nvm he is kinda the "bitch" category since he is a freaking SISSSY!!!!!!

You know who you are alright and if you are reading my blog, HAH this serves you right man! I mean half man half woman!

Fuck this shit man!!! 16A1s, my foot lar!!!! Ignorant i can say!

wanna know how he looks like?

Fuck this bitch...

I am angry and fuming now, judgement clouded... so even if you don't like it, i can only say,


Saturday, April 18, 2009

KZB on:Never judge a book by its cover

I wasn't one of the cynical audiences, definitely. I can't say I am never cynical, but I gave chance to the lady. She doesn't look silly, she was really cute! At least better looking than my class rep, I practically can't believe he can be a 16As scorer, seeing that how he looked.

But that is beside the point, this is what I'm talking about.

I knew something significant about this woman when I checked up on youtube. Seriously, I didn't know anything about her but the first sight, she have this special spark in her eyes. No I'm not in love with her, but she seemed to glow , A LOT.

"I dreamed a dream" from Les Miserables, Ms Susan Boyle made herself popular instantly when she sent her voice vibrating in the hall.

British Got Talent recorded every moment of her singing and sent it on air.

2,593,440 views on youtube through this link and you will know exactly how I feel.

Honestly, this brings me back on how world is getting cynical nowadays. Not giving chances to anyone when they don't look as capable as they do. But sometimes, looks do portray someone.
For example, this girl in the crowd. I bet she got thrown with rotten eggs and banana skins when she stepped into the streets. Bet she needed a plastic surgery.

But, I don't think its fair to blame her because, most of us do have the reaction that she had.

Case 1:
I rolled my eyes when I saw my class rep the first day but upon discovering his 16A1s, i think I need to roll back.

Case 2:
I rolled my eyes when I saw an amateur squash player but upon discovering he is a pro table tennis player, I rolled back again.

Case 3:
My cousin rolled his eyes when he first saw my friend's laugh but upon discovering he is the best malaysian squash player under18, he choked in his shandy.

Cynical, this is how world spins around today. People seldom present up to how they are capable of, yet, this is how we test and know someone else's sincerity. Like how restaurants have to serve every customer stepped into in the house.

Well, I know its a lil slow of me but, just wanna blog on something we go through everyday.

Swithering Away,

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

KZB on: Have you gotten lasered on your head?

Hey peeps, guess plenty didn't know but I went for a minor operation for my head this morning~

I've been wondering... Can I really become a doctor when I am the regular guest for the doctors in clinics and hospitals?Owh well.... all the more reason to be one, to reduce my frequent visits to the white place, but be the host there....

Back to my operation... I can't say it was long, just a 45 minutes, and first off, he numbed my head.

I've got to say, Dr Ranjit is really good with his stuffs, and when I see him its like, this doctor is sooo trustable....

And after the anesthating, he lasered off my head.

Yes, lasered offf. Remember my post on human barbeque when I went for the JPA attachment, seeing and smelling the smell from other's body and form you own body is totally different..

I can really feel the heat even my head was numb, and it was eating me up man....

Bzzzzt... and the smell and smoke comes puffing from your own head, literally, it was a living nightmare...

Frustration magnified 100 times when you are, AWAKE!!!!

Okay, that was for 15 minutes, next was slicing and dicing...

There was a cease which i mentioned before, and it is really bothering my life so I decided to get the doctor to remove it from my head...

And thank goodness the numbster worked properly this time, and the whole process was awared, but not felt.. You will get what i mean when u get numbed but conscious of your own operation...

The sliced, and plucked, and then stitched.

Honestly, the stitching part was quite painful, when he poked the stitch into my skin, i can really feel it.

Worse, the other part of my skull's skin which by the way, not numbed got affected and was, hurting...

But, it ended fast, with the doc's professional treatment, I feel great now, without having a bulge up on my head...

Total cost= rm300 + rm40 of medicine

okay for a clinic, better than SJMC which eats up my whole operation cost here only for consultation. And have you guys heard about SJMC's rape case in the operation theatre from CCTV? I think i saw the picture censored somewhere in the web... Just google it lar~~~

or go to this site at your own risk, because i say it is quite the 18Sx thingies, and since most of the readers are 19 by this year, doesn't harm to know them.. Just don't indulge la...

You are trying to know it, not enjoy it, just like me seeing all the vulgar pictures of the decieved in JPA attachment~

Thats about it, and so long~

Swithering Away,

KZB on:100th on My Transformation

Okay peeps, i know my losing weight progress is not as significant as Robb's, but honestly, I didn't expect my change would be that much by only being consistent diet and exercising for 3 months.

Yes, by the end of 2007, most of the people around me still knew that the me was this:

Yes believe it or not, I have been a this living nightmare since I stepped into my schooling life from primary to secondary live.

I was categorized as the "Fat", "Obese" and "Fugly(Freakin Ugly)" category automatically by plenty of parties, don't wanna mention any here. But this doesn't stop me from making friends because of my friendly and chatty nature.

Until I came to senses that I started to like someone, for this matter it would be a girl during standard 5. Yeah, I was still fat,obese and fulgy then, and the whole class knew about it thanks to some backstabber who "announced" it to the whole class after out little "gang secret confession".

And the girl didn't budge, because she understood that our relationship were pure, naive friendship, and I really respected that because that is how a relationship suppose to start.

Until a day when I accidentally heard a conversation between she and another friend of hers, (a girl also). It is a little vague by now, but i still remember the one thing one of them mentioned:

"He is so fat and ugly! I don't think anyone would want to be with him, even he is in secondary school!"

And that I when I gave up, Forever.

When I stepped into secondary school, I kinda got a crush into a few girls since form 1 or 2, but deep down inside, I knew a relationship will NEVER happen.

I mean come on, who would want a huge, giant jelly to stand beside her when she goes for shopping or what ever reasons when she need her boyfriend to be around??? Go figure~

I know about the crappy "inner side" comes first, looks the second.

Face the facts, this would never happen, because I dare say mysef, I am judging the same way as other humans would.

So, I gave up in getting into a relationship, with a girl that is.

And time passes as my heart closes towards any relations, I never take my chances even there was.

To me, I respect the girl as a friend, I can share secrets and listen out, but honestly to have a really special bond with her, ie: her boyfriend, I don't think I can bare with it.

I know even I asked, the answer would be :NO

So why bother asking, when you know you definitely be rejected?

Until it comes to the holidays in 2007, my form 4 year.

When Herbalife came into my life, it all had changed...

I took the diet programme and consistently went for exercise, and before I knew it, I became this:

I lost freaking 25 KG in 3 month's time , thanks to this product my parents had introduced to me. They had tried plenty, from some soy thingy to London's diet, but this, Herbalife had made a great impact in my life.

from 2007

See the difference? Haha when I stepped into my school the first day, the replies I got was:

"Omg Bin!!! What did you do? Anaeroxia ar???"

"Yong Bin!!!! You slim down a lot already!!! What happen to you??!!!!"

"Your parents starve you everyday or something is it???!!!"

All I answered was, i think I'm still fat..

And honestly, I didn't realise the HUGE difference until my friends were like pointing out all the signs and sizes I had. From my prefect's blazer to my pants to my face and to my tummy.

And this year, is when everyone started to ask the same question, almost everyone:

"eh.. I bet you got girl friend now right?"

"when can I meet your girl whey...."

"arh... I know you and the "XXX" are togther ar...."

And all I replied was NO.

to 2008

I do not and not going to have any , not until I'm really ready or so to speak, be sure of it.

The normal girls which are normally seen walking with me would be Jessica Tee, Yuet Yin, Yuee Jhian and some other girls but honestly, they are really good friends that I have.

Freankly speaking, I have no idea how easily I can get close to girls.

Seriously, I'm not being over-confident or boasting(yes hannah, I'm trying to counter your statement) but I tends to , I don't know, know a girl so quickly that they were willing to spill their secrets. And I kept them, at least all of them.

Sometimes, the guys around me hate me so much, yet they love, because I am so close with the girls they like. And here I'm still single.

Even the girls sometimes ask me:"Eh, have you been into a relationship before?"

No. The same answer repeats. I know I would be rejected, so why bother asking?

SLSE(Super Low Self Esteem), yes I am having this syndrome, especially when I am dealing with relationships. Even after I had changed from ugly pig to at least close to a mighty stag,(metaphorically), I didn't get into a relationship.

I know, that after all the years of confining myself, I could never, (maybe not never), HARDLY, be together with a girl. And this really gives me a migrane on my sexual orientation.

I had crush on a girl, few years back. But now, I don't dare to. In fact, I think I had a crush on a guy!(Omgosh... Ya I know what you are thinking...) I might be a gay...

But I'm not betting on it, at least not yet because I'm still having a hard time differentiating the term "like" and "admiration" , so I wouldn't make any conclusions yet, as I can be swayed , either way, depends on my status...

Well, maybe until I find a girl that can make me go breatheless, I should just lay low and study... or check out something else...

My boyfriend!!!! Haha my brother la.... We don't look alike, do we?

Losing my weight down to 80kg!!!! (im still 90 now~~~~T-T)

Swithering Away,

Saturday, April 11, 2009

KZB on:Why Asians rocked Europians

Peeps, this is after watching several movies the Westerners dubbed the Asian's version of animations and creations....

The easiest comparison will be the conversion of Japanese Super Sentai to Power Rangers.

No doubt those who were born in the 20th century has been living their childhood with Power Rangers, and not to forget the super cool Power Rangers : The Movie.
The best series ever..

Yes,Saban did a great job up till year 2000. But when we stepped into the new millineum, Ho hou... That is when the Asian revelation rocks the earth man~~

For example, the 2008 Power Rangers :JungleFury by Disney, they are nothing but a piece of cheesy child's play.. There is no originality, nor any creativity...
From a cool show of Japanese sentai,

To a no sense of fashion's screen play...

Shade morphers???? Wthe hell???!!!!

And now,we have the Dragon Ball Evolution,which I don't think I need any further explanations, as I had already posted about it....

From a super cool show~

to a sucking piece of crap like this...

so its so clear that us asian rock more than westerners right?

this guy speaks my point man...

and now, I present to you some Asian made videos, which proves my point, that Asian Dubbing rocks over Westerners dubbing..

ryan higa rocks over westerners lar~~~ Asians Forever!!!!!!

All credits go to ryan higa, you can go to his link through this , their videos rock big time!!!

Swithering away,

KZB on: Forever Core

Even though I had tasted loneliness since ever, I thoroughly felt my 5 years of bitterness in my secondary school, when I stepped into the school grounds today to pickup my invitation slip for my Hari Kecemerlangan.(will continue about that later,let me finish my point 1st~)

Remember whenever you missed a lesson or class, you will automatically go to the person who is sitting right next to you for the homework or or sorts?

Or when you have any functions or activities at all, that you can rely on the person who is sitting next to you in class?

Obviously, most of you had one.

Sadly speaking,for the whole 5 years in my secondary school, I never failed to leave my seat beside me empty. Even till today,in my college, I'm still sitting alone, in the corner of the class.

Pathetic isn't it? Funny that I had only realised today, when I see myself driving alone down the road.

I can say, I never had a best friend. I have a bunch of great, good friends, but I never had a best one. Where I really had shared all my secrets, all my memories,all my devotion.

Yes, I devotes my life to my friends, but the ones which I will do at all cost, I truly had none.

When I cried in the lonely nights, I had no one to turn to.
When I was down and sad, I had no one to turn to.
When I was confused and stressed up, I had no on to turn to.
When I was in the greatest turning point in my life, I had no one to turn to.

Who is a friend?

Or rather;

What is a friend?

I envy those who had a mate, for everything they do.

From studies to sports,
From shopping to hobbies,
From camps to travels.

Frankly speaking,I'm really tired of my own life, and I hate it a lot.

Everything that I had done was never right, or up to expectations.

I have no idea why,my life is really screwed up...

Friend, when are you going to show yourself before me?

Swithering Away,

Thursday, April 9, 2009

KZB on: Killer Assignments

I survived!!!!!

Finally, I got to an end with my freaking LAN assignment on Taoism... Sadly I was the leader and since I was, I had to settle most of the stuffs submitted by the group including animating the slides and getting the whole power point interesting... And I slept at 2 for 2 days.... Goodness and that contributes heck lot to my lipid count and stress count...

Anyway, today's discussion in the Lecture Theatre 2 was fine, everyone did a great job, especially Akira!!! I can tell that he was literally enjoying himself up at the stage doing "his" stuffs...

I think people recorded his whole performances and it was a huge shot because of his, i'd rather put the word "originality" of performance.

Well, every have their style and even though I had a great laugh back then, I have to admit Akira have his style, same goes to the whole group of Power Rangers!!!(my team's name, don't bother asking)
From left: Shui Hui, Joyce,Hannah,Linthini,Chia Jing, Rebekah
Down: ME, Akira, Jee Can, Yong Teng

Notice the colour and our shirts' colour? It is suppose to be our colour coding for out Ranger's colours HAHAHHAHAHA

I hereby thank my team mates, Joyce, Linthini, Shu Hui, Chia Jing, Rebekah, Hannah, Jee Can, Yong Teng and Akira(really made the whole hall laughed) for doing a great job in preparing the slides and showing a good presentation as a team. You guys were great and Go Go Power RANGERS!!!!!!

I have to say, I was a terrible team leader for this assignment due to the lack of morality I had shown for my group, and my incompetence in preparing the slide, and also the most important video. Everyone was expecting for the great video(though they haven't seen it but they were expecting...) but the hall's PC is just as screwed up as mine at home so... too bad eh? Guess my luck ain't going well since I set foot in Taylors...

Which brings back to the series of misfortune had landed on me since I joined Taylors. I got hurt, my car got scratched, the sickness never stopped, the lost of my penn drive and yes, the claims that i'm a gay...(well not a misfortune but wth~)

I'm losing my confidence in pursueing my college now... If I ever survived 2009, its really sadhu sadhu sadhu to Buddha...

Swithering Away,

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

KZB on:Characteristics of Gay

Peeps, I'm not exactly pissed off, just quite shock of the statements of my classmates today...

wanna know what?

they asked whether if im a gay...

SAY WHAT????!!!!

Yeah, that's right... due to several coincidences and happenings lately, I'm considered as GAY in my class.... WTH~~~~

But but but... there are reasons for them! I can't blame them, maybe they had a life time of cultural shock due to their "unfamiliar" culture in Subang Jaya, so I've gotta give them chance right?

Fine, so they asked if I were a gay, but I insisted on the reasons of them saying that I'm one, because so far I have not done anything, so-to-speak Gayish?

And they claimed, more likely, Jee Can claimed that the few actions i did in the hall this two days made him terrified of me... same goes to Akira...

1) I talk like a gay.
2) My actions made me gay.
3) I have seductive gay stares.
4) I have been getting hugs from boys,real hardcore.
5) I have a gay facial expression.

Honestly, I didn't know I have all the traits above in me... Seriously!!!!

I mean, maybe when I talk I chat like a girl lar... 49% feminine 51% masculine what you expect???

But my actions like a gay? Hello!!! Akira look into the mirror man!!!! I think you suits into the Gay category more !!!! But never mind i shall keep my cool...

Next up, seductive gay stares?? That is something really new~ If i have that strong of stares don't you think I would be walking around wrapped up in a guy's arm now? Ding Dong~~~

Facial expression of a gay.... Whoa I was really lost when Jee Can told me.. I mean, I can barely know how my facial expressions were like without a mirror, and my friends survived mine for 5 years??? How am I suppose to change my facial expressions man???

And the guys hugging me thing, well we ARE close alright? I mean we do all kinds of stuffs together , but not what you think they are lar~~~~

Frankly speaking, I think this would be the severe case of cultural shock, as i think it is more "conservative" in the other states? Worse in Perak but this is very subjective though so no harm done to anyone here...

But my point is, i don't think the points above concludes that I'm a gay, cause its too vague, overly vague and I respect you guys and I never laid my hands on you before, I'm not going to even if I'm a gay, alright so just chill out~

And this leads to a real dilema in me, because
if I becomes a Gay if I get too close with guys,
And I becomes a Sissy if I get too close with girls,
So where am I suppose to stand?

Fine if that is the way it have to be, I think I will stand by it alright? If you guys like it that way...

Honestly I'm still confused with my sexual orientation, but I will not tolerate any parties who tries to decide for me, but myself. This is my story, my chapter, and I will write it with my own hands. I can't say that I'm gay now, but I don't deny the fact that I maybe one, because the moon never stays round forever does it? Its ok, next post will be related to it anyway~

Swithering Away,

Saturday, April 4, 2009

KZB on: Consequence of Golden Silence

Okay peeps this is for my one and only friend... You know who you are and this post is completely dedicated for you...

Remember when we were in primary schools and the teachers had always complained we were a nuisance in causing Chaos Region in the class? And the English teachers, most of the time will go," Don't you know that silence is gold?"

And we were like, we are smart enough to know that there ain't any gold popping outta our body by keeping ourselves okay? And we continued the havoc.

And there was when i found out that the pronoun, was the exact translation from a chinese idiom, namely "chen mo shi jin" or Silence is Gold. It is the best when we keep silent when stuffs getting over-drived and let the whole situation calm down.

That was what I precisely did today, when I headed for a movie in Sunway Pyramid. Honestly, I never felt this BORED in watching a movie before... even with the real boring scenes during my normal screening, I would at least complain, or whine about the nonsense.

Today, I was totally uninterested. Even with all the banging and honking(we watched The Fast and Furious 4) , I slept... I FREAKIN' SLEPT!!!!! Wth~~~~ But that wasn't the point... something else was bothering me...

And our eyes crossed more like a dozen of times today, yet I was doing best in avoiding the direct contact. I wanted to keep quiet, and it seems as if you were okay with it. So, I kept quiet and stroded off.

Why am I avoiding you?

No I'm not mad or upset.

Most, or actually, All may see it as if I was jealous or envy because he finally got himself another soul.
It is as if I was mad at him.
It is as if I was upset.

But it wasn't.

I told myself this:

IF a person wanted to tell me something, he or she would have done it, without me needing to nudge them.
IF a person really need that amount of space, I will not intrude him or her..
IF a person wants to have life, apart from the original, I will support him or her.
IF a person is happy, I will be the first to be happy for him or her.

I know how this works. I never ever question your judgement. You have your reasons for your ways and I am no one, NOBODY to stop you.

But know this, I'm a human too. I have my limits, and I need my time-outs.

It is my fault that I never gave chance for you to tell;

it is also my fault that we end up like how it is now.

Avoiding a conversation in a group will not be a bright idea for now, as I'm really dealing with a huge lump of everthing lately.. My dog, my education, my family,my career and my life.

It is just such a crucial time for me to adjust right now and I can't take any more impacts..

Worse, I'm all alone.

I really wanted to talk, but you seemed so quiet, not willing to spill anything. Guess you didn't want to talk anyway...

I'm sorry, but you can always have it your way, your call.

I'm borned to walk the long and lone path anyway....

I need a break... I'm really tired now......

So much for keeping a golden silence...

Swithering Away,

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

KZB on: Laughing My Arse off in JPA Panel 5~

Thanks for tuning in peeps~

1st of April, namely April's Fool though I can't say I got fooled by anyone yet today but wth~~ they should have a holiday for it seeing people enjoys them soooo much around~

Back to main title... JPA interview... I can only say it was a BLAST in the Panel 14. I mean, the interviewers were great, my 5-team- girls were great and boy, I was doing great on my chair!!!

People had always told us that JPA is this, JPA is that and all the yacky yadaa~~But honestly, compared to interviews I had in the past, this was more like a conversation with adults with their respective fields... They were relaxed, friendly and most importantly, they know us. It is so hideaous that job interviews are ran by people who doesn't want to take us into their companies but that would be the next chapter of my life~

As for now, the chapter of tertieary study is being written now, and the interviewers, surprisingly NONE of them were anyone from JPA, instead they were Doctors and Engineer talking to us in the Panel Room!And this is the first year they put the proffesionals in the rooms!!! And they were sooo nice, Hallelujah~~~ oops sorry to the Christians~
My group of beauties~~~ Lucky Lelaki Jati~~~

So, details!

First Session, explain on you, your family and why the profession and why overseas~

So, I was a little jumpy in the intro, bad but when I stepped into why doctor, that is when the fun starts!!! I mean I totally rocked the whole room! My answer was somehow out of the blues and what was good, my answer was unique!

Others, (all girls) were saying that doctor is noble, is challenging, is interesting, they can handle it but not telling the panels how and why they can handle it... But my answer was perculiar~

Honestly, I'm not the super genius type like the ones who came for this interview. But for me, being a doctor, it is not only about memorizing and knowing all the knowledge in the medical world, but it is the empathy that I have which will form the very bridge between me and the patients.
Empathy is something that I know I had in me ever since I had started to get proactive in human relations and I can literally feel what the patients feel when I was in the hospital! And I know the patients are depending on us, to pull them back to their original state and start living normal again!And it is sad to know that there are doctors who don't care about what their patients because their patients are the one suffering !

Panel Dr. Shah:
That is what young doctors nowadays think on their jobs. And this is the mind set we would love to have from our candidates

****Bing Bong~****

Which Hospital did you go?

Owh its somewhere near, Hospital Putrajaya... And it is like paradise in the Operation Theatre!

Panel Dr Ooi:
Owh you know that HPTJ is not the best place to know about a doc's job right? Did anyone discourage you in the process of the attachment? Did they tell you that if you are finding your money you do not step in to a doctor's field?

To me, it is very common to be in every field to have a very little gold in their first bucket so I don't see the point of chasing after that huge lump of gold now. We accepted the goverment's money, the people's taxes to further our studies and the least we could do is to serve them! The next buckets of gold will come later on in the later stages of our lives and that is after we deserve our money, not after 7 years of studies only, the experiences will enrich our pay.

Panel Dr Ooi:
This is the mind set that we are searching exactly in young people today. If you keep up the mindset in your way, you will soar as an excellent doctor in our society and obtain you rightful recognition.

****Bing Bong 2****~~~

And boy, that was SATISFYING~~~ I couldn't believe what adrenaline had did to my speech~

And we continued with Organ Donation which all of us had really unique ideas and views towards the issue~

IT is only till today that I know that Muslims cant donate their organs after they passed away but one thing is quite contradicting is , you can't donate your organs when you are dead so practically you are donating when you are "alive" so its not exactly against your religion now does it?

But we concluded that we will need to respect the ideology of others and well technically, they can donate if the Muslims realised they are donating it but it is forbidden to take something out of your body when you don;t know it... So... see what i mean yea?

So, we did a bang up job in supporting each other's idea and we were more like a team, instead of competitors, so its like we are trying to get everyone into the scholarship list hahaha~~~

After that was another session, in BM... And shit I screwed up due to the 3 months non-BM period and hail all rusting~ I wanted to use some peribahasa , TAPI, I was panicking to think of the word "concentration" in BM which is (tumpuan) here, so i don't bother already then~~~

So after that, we were done and WALAH!!!!! Nice, Sweet , Simple and Damn I love my interviewers!!!! What is the best thing about having Binn around?? We get to snap pictures!!!! And took 2 pictures, and the kakak who issued us into the Panels requested for us to take picture of her too!!! And blue toothed her summore~ Hahahahah~~~~
Kak Niza~~ Hope to see her again when i got my scholarship~

And this is a JPA Scholar~~Fail him only lar~~~ And the funy thing is, they asked us to stress on our "LAHs" when we were overseas as ambassadors coz that is a Malaysian culture~ Take that man!

So thats the end of it~ But I went to Hannah but she wasn't done yet~ So i talked to her about it~ And I was like greeting , literally everyone in every corners!!! Haha Coz I knew lotsa friends from the JPA attachment plus some of my face recognition skills, my friend-making fiesta is like Rock-On-Fiesto~~~
OOooh~~~ Restaurant View~~~ But not the food lar

Im surprised by my ability to cope with people too, and that concludes my JPA interview today~ Lazy wanna add in all the extras lar look at the pictures for share~
Another Picture for youuuu~~~

Today, I get to know more of my class mates in PM10 again~ New friends in the list~

Andrew~ Kinda cute guy
Joyce~ The cute guy's girl
Darren~ Funny Indian guy
Chia rong~ Smart ass Cina
Ji Can~ Super good drawer
Akira~Funkay Class Rep

Well, more of their names will appear soon~

Now, go crashing into sea of Mathematics HW
Last Laugh: RM 3.00 for this in Putrajaya International Convention Centre's Restaurant~ Talk about Subsidizing man~~~~

Swithering Away,