Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Buffetting : Prior Commencement

I can't believe the day is coming, though its like strings still attached because of the tutoring duties I have with my younger sis. And Dang I forgot 31st was a public holiday and my sis will still be loaming free at home, and I shouldn't have been back to the residential college.

But hey, I'd figure its probably high time to spend some time for myself.

So the university will commence the classes by the 10th, and I'm supposed be back on the 9th to pack up and all, but thanks to the screwed-up system I'm still a roomless student.

Anyway, prolly a stupid glitch, hopefully everything goes well after I pay the fees.

I've no idea when did I portray the disliking of the family.

Fine I do yell and throw tantrums when things don't go as I planned them to, and occasionally state that the whole family stinks.

I dislike the fact that I have to live THEIR lives, literally.

On the clock drivers duty is like the forever issue.

Heck it have been THE issue.

I lived my whole 20 years old life in 2011 sending the 2 younger siblings DILIGENTLY I would add to attend all their tuition, activities, schools and what not.

Even my friend said that I'm too tied down, because I  have to constantly remind myself what day today is, and who to fetch, what time where, and who's next. I think I was close to lifeless.

And that was when I was LIFELESS.

Now that I have a life, can't I live mine? Like seriously, I need to complain. I have a life to live too you know?

I probably could have speculated how my parents' responds would be:

"It's another year then your younger brother will have his license. Can't you just HELP OUT?"

If I don't live my life now, when shall I? And when till I have a family and I need to fetch kids in and out again then I shall get a life? No, that's not how things are done, not to me at the very least, not after what I've done.

 And so does making all these claims make me a person who dislikes his family?


I don't know, I tried calming down, meditating, trying to be more focused on the issue than the emotions.

But it comes down to the same conclusion, why should I be bothered?

First off, no one else in the family was bothered to pick up the job, and they only decide to pick someone else because either they feel like it, or because they are around the corner, or else, I have to make the move from home.

2nd of all, it is not my problem at the first place! I only needed 3 trips to tuition back in 2008. I'd figure my younger brother who is in his 5th form could to the same without me getting beaten up because I wasn't responsible enough, or because I was too scary and being a bitch. Why shall I endure problems, he should have been undergo training like I did? Because times are different now? Because I needed to be trained?

Please, this is so the proof of favoring right? I was always been the "to-be-complained" anyway.

Last of all, no one really cares about my welfare anyway. I'm assumed to have time, to have this and that, to be available because of all the shit the whole family put me through at the first place!

GEEZ Now I start to feel like I dislike them! Really, am I that of a narrow-minded prick?

Gosh I'm at the verge of hating myself now.

Seriously, why do I have these thoughts all the time? It's like a whine arse whines and whines over the same issue forever.

Screw this shit. I don't know. It's like a rat race. I don't know. I probably shouldn't be bothered or anything. Having family members have its perks, but as of now, with my current mental state, they are more of a burden, a strain, and a freaking reasons for me to run away from the premise.

Have I talked to them before? Geez, after all those screaming and yelling, you still don't get me?

I wonder how things are going to be when the younger siblings get their licenses. If I were to ask them a favor in the future, will they be showing me faces like I do now?

Wait, I put my life on hold for a freaking year. If I managed to get them to put a year on hold for me, fine, yell at me.

Until then, I really need to get a life. It's another 2 more weeks and I'm out of this pile of shit! And by my first semester break comes, I can tell those siblings to screw themselves because they'd probably finish all their tuition classes because PMR ended and SPM have started.

I'm sure I've made myself a douchebag with this post, but screw it.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Buffetting : HR Clinic Practical Day 3 and thereafter

Somehow most of my practicals never went more than 3 days of record in my reports I've made. I wonder what is the problem. I should keep that in mind for the rest of the practicals I attend in my vet school years.

I finished up the daily routine of dog walking, kennel and cattery husbandry within a short half and hour, because there wasn't many dogs boarding since we sent them home, and the cattery was an easy job as always due to the nature of the cats boarding there.

Christine and I were assigned to prepare the sedatives for the upcoming surgeries scheduled for the rest of the day, and since I've known pretty much how the preparation for the drips should be done, and I was sure of the preparation requirement, Christine decided that I should know how to assemble the sedatives for the in house vet surgeon.

The normal sedatives used and practiced in the clinic were the same for most procedures which includes:
1- Zoletil, an agonist which impair the receptors in the body, so as the neuromuscular system lowers its affinities,relaxes muscles and render the patient in drowziness and immobility. Similar to that of tranquilizer.
2- Atropine, a competitive antagonist which competes with the receptors in the body, which causes the parasympathetic nervous system to reduce the rate of activities such as glands, gut movement and etc. In this case, the lowering of salivation and branchial secretion is crucial for procedures which requires intubation for anesthesia.
3- Antibiotics, normally Amoxylin with or without clavulanic acid. Antibiotics are administered prior to surgeries to prevent post-procedural infections.The difference between the presence of the acid depends on the strength of the bacteria the surgeon suspects to infiltrate the patient. The acid overcomes resistance in bacteria that secrete β-lactamase, which otherwise inactivates most penicillins, hence reduces the tendency of bacterial tachycardia.

Sedatives are introduced into the patient's body via intravenously, hence injecting via the 3 way cock is very much efficient and easy after the patient have been set up for dripping. So far, the veterinary surgeon in charge have yet to inject the sedatives via the veins without the catheter attached.

On that day itself, a Miniature Pincher, aka MinPin was sent in because it was mauled by a larger dog at home at its posterior region around the anal. The only thing we could do was to clean the would and remove necrotic tissues so as bacterias wouldn't make way into the patient's body and cause sever inflammation. The scarred region was heavily exposed, and was directly below the anal opening. The vet had to stitch the scar opening up to prevent the faeces from leaking into the scar and cause complications.

The owners were pretty fond of the MinPin, treating her almost like their family member. It's an admirable spirit, whereby not most human are able to relate so closely to another species like how the owners of the patient in the clinic. Somehow I wish I am able to be here to preserve the bond.

Later on, we had another recurring patient who comes in weekly for her treatment. Apparently, this Asian tabby have problems defecating, hence requiring manual assistance in coaxing the feces for expel. The method used was by injecting distilled water and 6% dextrose solution in order to soften the feces retained in the bowel of the feline patient, and manually expelled by the contraction of bowel by the massage of the veterinary surgeon. The process was quite long as the feces retained was a week's worth. Later on was just wrapping up and documenting the procedure.

The veterinary surgeons in house were quite a delightful duo.

Dr VJ is quite the joker, but he gets stern when we are required to know stuffs, basic ones such as the biochemistry, anatomy and physiology of the animals. The husbandry comes in with practice,practice and more practice. Though working with Dr VJ was quite fun, he managed to captivate me with his admirable professionalism as well as enthusiasm towards the vet profession. He always repeat the sense of dutifulness he have and the one I should develop as a practicing veterinarian towards the circle and field. He claims that the public paid for our education hence we should always think to serve them first. That includes allowing practical students like me to participate and learn from such clinical orientation so as we can be a competent veterinarian in the future. Dr VJ was also a very multiple-perspective viewing practitioner. He motivates us to think critically and differentially towards a situation or problem so as we can solve them with a different way, while noticing the details yet able to figure out the big picture, which I think was somehow very crucial when it comes to a profession dealing with lives.

"Dare to speak, to ask, and to be different. If you ask, you will be stupid for one moment. If you keep silent, you remain stupid forever."-- - Dr Vijayendran.

Dr. Prem is somewhat stern even on the first day. However, it came to me that she was stern because she wanted to make sure I do not slack, which I didn't as well as the hefty work load remained from the week before duty to the short in manpower the clinic was facing. Later on the week, I'd realized Dr Prem was similarly warm as Dr VJ once we have enough time to work together. It wasn't as exciting as learning with Dr VJ with Dr Prem because obviously Dr VJ was so much more experienced as well as including his endless stories, but working with Dr Prem allowed me to practice what Dr VJ has taught, as well as learning techniques in husbandry in a very orientated manner. Dr Prem made sure I know what I was doing, and she never hesitated to ask me to try again if I failed. She has also deemed as a concrete foundation builder, making sure I know my basics in the medicine as well as husbandry in the art, as she has only graduated 2 years ago, she clearly can use me as a gauge to constantly put her existing knowledge to use, yet allowing me to gain the knowledge I need. Dr Prem was acting more like a senior than a mentor, as we can still relate closely to the faculty since our gap is not as large as to Dr VJ, and it was very comfortable learning with her.

"I was so jealous when I saw first years handling animals already. I'd wish I could in mine, while I only held the horse's hooves once only in 3rd year."--- Dr Premnita.

Clearly, Dr Prem has a strong passion for the art.

Seri, the vet assistant as well as admin in the clinic was also a great mentor. She was quite the hyper type, constantly going very high pitched, but it was fun working with her. The thing about Seri is she never stopped me from asking questions. Unlike previous experiences in other workplace of different field, Seri insisted for me to ask her if I had any questions or doubts at all, because every single detail counts. From the dosage of drugs to the preparation of gauze, any difference made can be deadly to the patients. Witty and bright, Seri did provide me a great platform to learn more about the art, as well as the operation in a standard veterinary clinic.

Well, that pretty much sums up my practical in the veterinary clinic. It was a great experience, but I do resent the fact that I did not diligently record all procedures and surgeries we had every day.

Until the next practical then. Oh wait, I have my Zoo Taiping practical report to complete.

Dang my procrastination.

Buffetting : Loss of Youth, the B way

With respect to the posts the Best Bud and the K-Bud , somehow I feel like I'm at the point of my life in which loss of youth seemed so prominent.
2006. gosh that was long. Look at best bud looking like his mom.

First of the body. Heck, with knees cracking, sprained ankle and the cranky back, I can hardly get into any physical activities for the pass whole month. The max I went was probably push ups and crunches which don't strain too much on my lower part of my body. The treatment center's physiotherapist commented that I have great muscle bulk as assets, but those muscles are far too stiff and up-tight, just like their owner. I lack flexibility mental wise or physical wise. Let's hope the therapy goes well and I can get back into action as I step into vet school.
2008 during our retirement as prefects. Somehow we are related, somehow.

Next up, my dreams. As kid I had multiple dreams. When I stepped into Secondary 4, I'd revamp because of the politics my remnants of high school were introduced into my life for the first time. That was also when I thought being a medical doctor was everything. Until I graduate from Secondary, when I'd realized I might not be heading towards the direction I thought I have always wanted. True enough I was already half-way through in my mastery of the Japanese language, however is working as a medical doctor in Japan what I truly wanted? There was so much more the world could offer and I've yet to see the least of it. Upon quitting the A levels program and entering 6th Form, I was certain I'm no good because I have yet to be able to think maturely for myself. The gloom during the lower 6th was probably the darkest, and it was as if I'm right in the abyss of doom, because I made stupid choices which caused myself my education. That was also when I stopped dreaming and told myself to get REAL. I was determined to get my own means of finance for my future education, and repeatedly finding out possible career outcomes so that I wouldn't screw up the 2nd time after my Pre-U education hiatus. I guess the bitterness really started to manifest in this period.

Leaving the private institution to a public, from public to private then to public again, you are damn right if I'm freaking lost. Although I know medicine is no longer my cup of tea, while veterinary medicine has deemed me my first true love, how far I could go with my love was still, unpredicted. You see, I have always planned outcomes, I see the outcomes then I execute. I have always thought I would end up as a MO, then probably go for psychiatry or OB/GYN. It was up till this period that again I'm in the abyss of uncertainty, which I despise most.

So what else has proven I'd actually lost my youth?
another 2008. I'd realized I have not many alone shots.

1) Heck my bitterness. I was usually the nice person who says everything will be fine in high school. But today I SNIPE. Literally. I get real with people, especially those who are already in their teens. It's important for people to know to wish to live a dream and to get to live a dream is totally different. While diligence make up to 50% of it, karma, chances and opportunity which sums up to the 50% of probability matters a lot too. Even my posts seemed to be so much more different than the 2009 posts. It's as if I have a split personality.

2) Ditto to Best Bud, I write in full. Some how its more appropriate to practice typing and writing in full, so as when we actually need to express, we don't fumble and end up embarrassing or de-value ourselves.

3) Another ditto, I have a work email now. It was to make sure people don't actually say out the email and it sounded riDonkulous(copy right JessLopez). At least putting in your name in a decent term makes you sound like you are serious in getting the application/job/interview/scholarship and what not. Though funny emails might reflect how much fun you are, it might make you sound real childish. Oh wait, another sign for the loss of youth.
2008. Pre-SPM/graduation. You need a childish gang to be childish. even K-bud's in.

4) I sleep less. Somehow work has made its way into my life and its taking over. I used to have naps even after 6 to 8hours of sleep, but growing up and holding immense responsibilities took sleep away from me quite in a hefty amount. Of course I still take 6 hours of sleep during examination periods, just to make sure I don't blank out while taking my finals That's why I need to be consistent.

5) My comic/manga.magazine to books purchase ratio has dropped tremendously over the pass 3 years. I used to get like 5 in a month, while now I only get like 1 in 3 months. Likewise, my book purchases which includes encyclopedia, dictionaries, fictionally, biography, text-related have taken over a huge portion of my shelves, and having more space for them mean evicting the no longer read magazines. No longer fans of fancy drawings maybe? Naah, I still indulge in hours of Power Rangers, Digimon and Sailor Moon.

6) Less doodle. I used to doodle, a lot. It's like all over my 2ndary school text books. Today, I draw diagrams, charts, body parts, labels to remind myself the stuffs that I've learned. There's no more fantasy, no more creativity, no more drama*roll eyes* fine, maybe real life ones over doodled ones. So yes, its definitely a sign to me.

Putting that aside, I've somehow gotten myself a new dream. Well, who knows if its going to be shattered again while I venture into vet school, currently the new aim is to get a huge lot of land, then get a dairy farm running. I am going to make Malaysia the first tropical country to produce the best dairy products ever, and considering taking down Baskin Robbins with my coursemate, forming Malaysia's Boey-Robinn's.
2010. Sending Best bud away was definitely not easy. Say, we kinda have each others' feature in this shot. Look how nerdy were you!

And probably get another land on the far top end of the dairy farm to set up a meditation retreat. At least I know where to go when I need to practice mindfulness.

As of now, my dreams are pretty, old.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Buffetting: Type

Do you know what type of person you are, especially in work terms?

I find myself a much more of the explaining type.

Being a nerd have its perks at times, like when everyone goes blank about something in lecture or a certain procedure and you got everything.

That's when you can flaunt your skills.

However, in the verge of indulgence in fame,glory and satisfaction of academic adores by the crowd explaining the whole process or lecture again, I can to understand the similar topic 3 times more.

I knew since Lower 6 that I learn better by explaining concepts to others, that's why I've always welcomed questions and tutoring requests provided its in my league of comprehension. But I sometimes also enjoy spending 5 hours understanding one concept, except for mathematical ones because they never made sense to me.

Yet, I found out that I learn best by teaching when I started the private tuition for the Form 5 student last year. You see, the teachers from school never really thought me some concepts even after I have left 6th form, especially form maths. Probably because I already do not require such concepts in 6th form, but tutoring the form 5 and reliving the mathematical concepts again actually made me understand the whole concept so much more compared to the me back in 4th or 5th form.

I know, contradictory statement of not enjoying mathematical concepts with the lines before.

But some how I enjoyed teaching. Especially when the crowd finally understands. There are some who never seemed to get it in their head, but all that matters if they'd actually ask more. The student I had last year was down right lazy, and he could have done more if he put in more effort.
I'm sure my sis beg to differ.

Teaching my younger sis mathematics now again refreshes my skills in delivering. I used to be very rigid and stick to my way of teaching. But I knew it will never work, so I started to relate.

Relating is such an important skill to pick up because some deliverers never seemed to consider doing it. It's like relating a badminton match to a statistics question  made much more sense to my sis rather than number of books each student read.

So as so when I dropped by my brother's physic's tuition teacher's place to help her out with the Japan invitation card. It seems that she too agrees that I'm much more of a deliverer than a doer, though I can do both. She'd even suggested that I become a diplomat, because of the affinity I have for different languages.

I'd wish I could have done more things that I have interest and to be good in.

I wish I could pick up industrial chemistry or organic viticulure chemistry so I can study more on wine.

I wish I could pick up more languages or a degree in Linguistics so I can know more about languages, so as so I can even pursue a career in interpretation or more.

But there's so much we can do in our life. As of now, embarking a new journey on the veterinary medicine is a complete new path, one which I've once dreamed but never too far.

I should probably start dreaming again, one thing I kept on repeating to myself.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Buffetting :Table Manners

So the family decided to hit over to the chicken rice restaurant we used to for lunch with all the other lunch spots in the area have been nailed.

It only struck me when I saw a man bringing his teenage daughter strolling into the lot, and the girl immediately slid out her tab and started touch-screening away.

I was somewhat infuriated about it.

Personally I don't like it when people put up with texting, playing games or what other activities which involves another party except me, the one whom the opposite person is sitting with on the table.

Like hello? What the hell am I? A brick or wall?

This is when I feel like we need to treat people if we wish people treat the same way as I do.

When I had to make calls or texts to other people, I make them snappy because I feel so damn bad and awkward for the opposite party to stare into the air and wait for me to end my calls or activities. It's very rude to put people up into that disposition, when we clearly wanted to hang out together for over a meal or something else.

Am I being too stern for the new era? Or the people should start learning not to let the technologies take over their manners?

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Buffetting : Extremities

I got this from the people around me all the time, my family, my close friends, heck my counselor.

I tend to live in extremities, while I clearly can live on with a moderate mode.

Yet, sometimes its these little things which I insist, persist, and get stubborn with that makes me a person, a workforce and a pushy one in things I get engaged with.

So today I've made a move to get on with life.

Looking at the previous post, or posts, elaborating my life around these people, it just jolted in my head suddenly on how fragile "friendship" can get.

What makes the puzzle stay in one piece is the effort parties play in order to keep the whole thing perfect.

I put in quite an amount of effort to keep up with Best Bud, making sure we get updates or whine to each other when time comes.

I lived my past 7 lives with Monkey, some how we are just meant to be friends. He might have his differences, and him letting go off stuffs easily, but we somehow still do make a connection.

It was a 3 or 4 musketeers thingy we had back in high school because of the prefectorial board and what not which kept us quite close. The 4th member was Saac, who got quite close towards the end of Secondary 4 because of him joining the board too.

And the others came into picture quite vaguely I would put it. I thought everyone in the group had the connection because of me. Later on I found out it wasn't me at all.

So much for being the glue putting everything together.

Anyways, it was better to know that fact. It proves that there wasn't any connection left anymore.

During the 21st birthday event, Monkey came up and asked why weren't they there. I sniped, why should I be bothered to invite them, when they clearly did not invite me?

Be nice? Sorry, I've lived beyond that.

So I've decided to rid them off my social network account instead. I see no point in keeping in touch, nor did they ever tried keeping anyway.

Plus, I'm kind of sure my life beyond today will not have them around.

Best bud, I'm cool with you keeping in touch with them, its your right, your calling. Monkey did the same and I still bombard him all the time and we enjoy it.

As for the rest, screw them all. Remember the text we used to send to each other towards the end of Secondary 5, Best bud?

"No matter how long time have passed and even when we don't contact each other anymore; I just wish that one day when we walk down the streets, and when you see me, you would point up and say 'I know that guy, he's my friend!''

I promise you, you and Monkey will stay. No matter what. I think I've passed the naive teens and stepped long enough in the bitter twenties to be able to identify who matters.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Buffetting : HR Clinc Practical Day 2

The 2nd day was pretty much similar in the morning working around the clinic. I was a lil late so the dogs were all walked by Christine.

However, before we proceeded Dr Prem kinda sounded us a lil because of the condition we left the kennels the night before. Cristine had to leave 5pm sharp everyday so she kinda left everything else to me. But me being the first year and first day in the practical, I wouldn't know what and how to handle things around.

Apparently there are a few thing we missed:
1- The kennels checked out the night before were unattended. The fur were laying around, and was cleaned appropriately.
2- The Basset Hound was left without any water for one whole night. For a dog of its age and size(around 20kg) we can easily thirst the poor dog to death. Although the dog was the type who barks a lot, we still need to take precaution and check on it if it needs anything.

Clinical husbandry:
 1- While force feeding, animals should be lifted by their necks up high, and massaged their necks to ease the food forced down their throat. 
2- Restraining of animals should be done using the dominant hand, pulling the animals closer to the restrainer's body so as the animal wouldn't struggle profusely.
3-Reduce the rate of sedation as minimum as possible, and only when its absolutely required. Ie: Abnormally aggressive animals.
4- While sedation takes place, veins of animals should be located as soon as possible to speed up every clinical aspects subsequently.
5- For blood sent to labs for analysis, in HR's case Gribbles, there are 3 tabs, 1 red, 1 yellow, 1 grey, Red for plain, Yellow for gel and Grey for Fluoride Oxalate, each for blood biochemistry test. 
6- Preparation of gauze: In normal clinic setting, the purchase of ready made gauze is not feasible due to economical purposes. A packet of ready made gauze of 60 costs RM10, while a roll of 10m gauze which can make up to 3000 gauze only costs RM5. A vast difference, and since there are times which gauze can be made manually by the staffs in the clinic, the latter is much preferable. The typical gauze making process is as follow:
a) Cut the gauze to one palm's width, preferably of normal palm size instead of extremities.
b) Fold the top and bottom of the gauze at the horizon to the enter to make a rectangle.
c) Fold the sides inwards to form a book-shaped cotton.
d) Fold the cotton again into half.

Surgical Husbandry:
1- Folding of surgical gowns: Gowns are the most important wear in the surgical theater, in which full sterility protects the animals being operated from the bacteria or viruses available from the scrubs of the surgeon. In order to allow the surgeon to unfold the gown with minimal contact prior to the surgical procedure, proper folding ways are being practiced by the vet assistants to prepare the surgical gowns.
a) Fold the gown from left to right symmetrically.
b) Fold the sleeves to form a parallelogram. 
c) Fold the gown zig-zagly to form a square, so as the gown unfolds with just a flick by holding the strings on the chest area of the gown.
d) Keep lace on top of folded gown.
e) Wrap the folded gown in a green square linen tightly, sticking with the autocated tape with bands.
f) Fold the square linen inside out with a zig-zag, so as the underneath of the linen can be held by surgery assistants to unfold the linen to expose the gown without contaminating the upper surface.
g) When the tape on the linen is banded with dark black bands, it means the linen is sufficiently sterilized. Otherwise with light bands, vice versa.

2- Ectopic pregnancy: Pregnancy occuring outside of the uterus ie intestine, stomach etc
3- Hypertrophic-cardiomyopathy: Thickened cardiac muscles in the left ventrical wall of the heart.
4- End arteries found around animals' ears are best areas to extract blood in order to trace certain parasites via PBF(Peripheral Blood Film). 
5- To prepare PBF slides:
a) Drop blood taken on the slide, thence use the cover slip to form a 30 degrees angle.
b) Slide the slit away from the blood stain to form a bullet-shaped blood spread.
c) Stain the slit with H & E(hemotoxylin and eosin) to form a purple stained slide.
d) Dry then observe.
e) Keep slide away from disturbance which might cause errors in readings.

6- Pancrease can be found in a U-shaped region rounded by the small intestine in every animals.
7- While shaving animals with razors, have short cuts instead of long lengthy drags to improve the efficiency.

We had a few spays today, actually a lot of spays. But spays are really normal cases. It happens everyday. Today an exciting one was the male dog castration. It was a German Shepard mix. I said it was a mix because it didn't have ALL traits of one, and its build was a lil different.Nevertheless, equally huge. 25kg that was, and carrying this boy up the staircase into the theater was no joke. The interesting ones would be clinical appointments where the doctor actually allows me to sit in and observe how he deals with the clients.

Dr VJ is a really passionate vet, its in his blood. He gives thoughts which allows the owners to think in different perspectives and angles so as they are able to make choices best for their animals under their roofs. He too, encourages me to ask questions all, even if it makes you stupid.

Why? Because it might make you stupid on one that very moment, but smart for the rest of your life. Otherwise, you remain stupid forever.

The clients are very comfortable around Dr VJ, as he talks to them in a friendly manner. Unlike previous vets whom I had experiences with. The ones I dealt with were quite cold and practically just there for the money as well as solving the immediate problem. Dr VJ takes time to go through all aspects so he can reduce as many mistakes and details which are left out as possible in treating the animals.

The day ended with a round of walk with the dogs, as well as stained dog's blood on my T-shirt. However, it was indeed a great day.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Buffetting : Adulthood

I would like to digress, Best Bud I really forgot what day is your birthday! I shall jump for being such an ignorant arse, but I remember celebrating it before once when we were back in 2ndary school. It was 7th of September right? Look I even have a picture with the date to prove it:

Look who had to wake up in the morning to see a cake in the pajamas?!

Anyway back to the present.

The passed week has been one hectic, torturous and not to mention mentally taxing period.

Sequel of the previous post, stepping into adulthood is never easy.

Having everything planned out from A to Z with minimal guidance, support and resources in a week can be detrimental to the mind.

Everyone would have loved it if someone else could have planned their 21st birthday for them, instead of themselves. But I remembered someone telling me that its good enough to be able to celebrate it, some don't even do.

I sucked it up, but as compared to my previous family members who have done it before, mine pretty much was more down to earth and so much less the "vogiu" so-to-speak.The cousins did in hotels, KL tower spinning restaurant, Japanese gourmet, and I think I was the first to throw one in my own house. My aunt was saying how budget restricting I was doing this, but the mom said its better to have it in the house, seeing how empty the entre-port harbor our house used to be is getting this year.

With all the feud and cold war, its gotta be quite impossible to throw parties and have guests over ain't it?

Nevertheless, the Depression in my house has gone, and well I've also decided to just open up again after all these while and made the effort to invite those lost souls again back to my mind.

I thought I was just going to have a depressing 21st with just the family and a few friends, but something told me otherwise, and glad I did because it made me realized I do have people whom actually cared to re-connect, other than those who just sweep things down the carpet, which reminds me of housekeeping of the social media friend list.

When I created the event page I had a hard time tracking down names I would want to plot. I had a few in mind whom I've confirmed them in the list. First was Petite, followed by Fye because they always, ALWAYS invite me out. Every single outing without fail. These are the people you know who actually do think about you for outings and be bothered to make calls and texts to get you into the circle. Hence, their invitation.
Petite's the one in front of me, and Fye's the dark guy on my left.

Yet, Petite and Fye connect people, a lot. I might as well invite the usual gang, minus the ones whom I not wish to have them appear.

Sidetrack again, I got to Paradigm with Queen on the 7th to celebrate her 21st and we talked a lot. 

Gosh loved the food and concept there, anyone wants to go for a session there, do tell! I wanna go too!

Anyway, so we talked on how we'd actually made it this far, and it came to a part when she asked me whom I do not wish to have in the event I will be holding. 

Its such a shame, and a pain to admit that I do not wish to have the ones who promised everything as a group to be there. They have made themselves quite unworthy of my feelings and devotion for them. It was a cumulative effect, with the different wavelength and all, but Monkey's 19th Birthday sparked it all. I was done trying to be nice to them. 

So when Monkey turned up on the event day asking for them, I told him I did not invite them. I mean, they had this celebration for another August baby without me knowing the thing existed, should I be bothered? And Monkey told me that they are having this thing on September and he was asking me to join them. I told him no, or as of now just considered me not going. Seriously what the hell? They don't deserve genuine friendships like Monkey devotes, they take advantage of it.

Monkey wasn't particularly offended in any sense of his 19th birthday fiasco, and it was only me, even Queen said that.

"You differentiate Love and Hate very distinctly. Very."-- Queen

Monkey probably forgot about the incident and forgiven them instantly because that's the best quality he have, yet his weakness too. But I'm different. I take friendship into a whole different level in relationships, so much different from familial ones. Once you betray me, don't you think tricks are going to work, especially after all these years not dropping me any texts, phone calls, or even a hi in Facebook. Forget it.
Hence, the slashing of the S-gang. Best bud should know, though I wonder if he is still actively engaging with them.

And so the usual gang from the high school was there, the people I could connect.

Next up was the people I still wish to connect, the ones from my University Prep-School. They were the ones I grew up with, the ones I truly have matured with. Knowing the fact that we were the "rejects" and surviving 1.5 year of hardship, living the best out of it and stand up to the society telling them off we are so much better than you are, just had me submerged in a very intense sense of belonging.

Not to mention 2 of the best top listed favorite teachers from the prep school too! They were nothing less than an inspiration to me. I would have called the ex-chem tuition teacher, but I guess the crowd was different.

Subsequently, the crowd which I called upon latest and in last minute, the ones from my university, near my house. The ones from the public couldn't make it, because most of them are from the outer areas of Selangor, in which asking them to come by a night from Sarawak, Penang or Johor is just ridiculous. And since the ones in the private are already starting their lectures, they just hollered. With the craziest group in the commencing year of 2012 med school of Monash, these Jessies and Jaggers cast a whole heck of thundering laughs and noise during the event. It was nice to have them around, familiar faces and their tricks of course, but it was nice to have them around.

So the crowd was high school,prep school, med school and 2 of vet school, plus relatives and family friends. The number totaled up to a big 7, so I literally had to attend to everyone without spending more than 10 minutes in each crowd. The event ended abruptly after 9pm because it was Monday the next day, but I was glad it did because I didn't have to stick up for too long to keep ALL of them accompanied.

The last ones to go were, the high school people because they were the ones closest to the house, experience or distance wise. Catching up was fun, everyone were glad they actually made it because most of them never had the time to make time to hang out, some are even leaving for their studies soon.

Hence, the hectic crowd control. The relatives were easy, the friends were tough. It was the most important element of the event, because without a crowd, there's no event ait?

Next up food. Gosh it was a nightmare getting the food settled all by myself for 70 person. Catering services are pretty much a very risky gamble, especially when you have not been using the same one for the past, I don't know, ten years? Had a bad experience with KampungKu from the Crocodile farm back our area, so I had to get all the caterers to send in their menu and make a best bet.

Settled down with Swiss Gardens, because I liked their menu and also because the lady in charge was pretty persistent and efficient in calling me back to follow up, considering my busy schedule. Heck I was talking about changing the Yong Tau Foo to Nam Yu Fried Chicken in the phone with her while I was carrying 37 flowswitches up to the office of our customer. That bad.

" The one from Cheras? The last time I used them their fried rice went stale even before we started."---Mom

Newsflash, bad one. I almost passed out when she said that. Options were out, 2 days before the event and numbers of guests yet to confirm. The last thing I need was this. Not to mention the elder Sis who kept on bugging me that my 21st have no LOK LOK Car. What's that?

swapped from

Ello? I doubt the crowd ca finish the catered food, and we still have a 3kg cake no less and now a lok-lok car? Oh that was not the end of it,she even pestered that the menu was BORING.

How exciting can a Chinese-Malay catering buffer service be compared to Japanese fusion gourmet? Pardon me I'm at a budget here, time and financial wise, and I know no Japanese chef who can drop by, so let go before I blow.

Nevertheless, managed to settle it the morning before the event swiftly, thank goodness. The food was good, though I only managed to try them out today, the day after the event because I was too busy walking around I was surviving on Soya Bean and nuggets only the whole night before everyone left.
not the most glamorous, but I guess this should do the trick. not like press release or some sort.

Last but not least, the cake. Heck the cake was the trickiest, but I managed to nail it no less. The idea was to get the cake shop to carve a "2-1" as the cake shape. But I have to order 2kg minimum for the word 1, and 3kg minimum for the word 2. Hello, 5 kg of cake after a catering? No way, the crowd may not cry I will because I will only be eating cake for the next whole week. 

I cracked my head for 30 minutes for a design, and I ended up choosing something really close to me, the Keyblade. I wanted to look for really cool ones, even thought of the Ten Powers from Rave; but the creativity of a pastry chef can be that limited, I stick to most basic concept of the Keyblade, the Kingdom Key. Headed over to the RT Cake house to have a chat with the chef on laying down the basic designs of the cake, making slight changes here and there so as she may be able to get the shape of the cake with her best confidence. And it turned out to be quite amazing! Even for my pesky elder Sis who bugs on every single detail to admit the cake looks ok, it was indeed okay. For a design dropped by 2 days before the cake delivery, and a concept came up in 30 minutes, it was totally fine. 

Heck, the chef even said she didn't sleep on the night before because she was busy making final touches for the cake.
And the presents. They are technically being classified a few different categories:
2-Men Grooming
Well, conventional presents would be Ang Pao aka Cash Pockets.
It's easy and simple because the receiver can just buy the things that they want to instead of being disappointed to the gifts which are given that they don't like. Fair enough. 
 1- Food
Its pretty much the same food, chocolate. The difference is just the brand and the quality. Of course I love all chocolate. Heck its enough for me to survive for all my stress period in Vet School for a semester! Guess I wouldn't need my Garette's popcorn ait? 
2- Men Grooming
Somehow I find it a lil weird, because the presents might represent me not being "groomed' enough around them? The primary tuition teacher, being all sophisticated and all gave me this:
Heck, I never used one before. 
And the ladies from the Monash crowd gave me these:
They smell so manly, I wonder if I should put them to good use or not. I'm not the manliest man around though.
3- Acessories
Well the older generations got me the accessories actually. One of the jap classmates who had the same birthday as I do gave me this:

It was really sweet of her to do so! Very blingish, but I have no idea where to use it on. Maybe on the carkeys.

The aunts and mom got together and bought me a ring and a necklace with the golden key on it. Well, I won't post clear pictures of it, since I've already wore them in the pictures.

And the cousins trio got me a polo set of wallet, pen and belt. Just nice for a guy don't ya think?

4- Clothing
Quite simple too, to get clothes for guys. But it sucks when that guy is me, because I'm freaking huge. I've got jerseys, Ts, and Polos. Things which I can wear most of the time, I guess its a good gift?
loved this tie. super groovy.

 Which I do appreciate highly too. You see, people tend to not get books unless you really know the person well enough on the genres and authors of the books the receiver likes. But I'm a very random reader, so any books will do. But books on economics,politics or cars, ugh, not yet.
So it was a haul but I loved one most:
Oh this girl is such a babe! She was like the Booze Queen. She knows spots in PJ with best booze and cocktails and she enjoys making them. I can totally imagine a bar in her house, seeing she's from KDU and all, gotta be quite rich eh? But I really loved this the most. I used to talk about wine with her and she knows a loooooooooooooooot. 
Probably will keep her contact to get some drink with her next time when we have lives outside of academic school. Can see that I would love it to have her around bars drinking.
So that was the day I stepped into adulthood. Was hectic, was crazy, was tiring. Quite surprised I managed to pull it through, even though it was a very small scale event. Heck, I can't believe I used to thrash the school's event like a rocker with my comrades, and international big shots too. 
Responsibility calls. 
It takes 21 years to make my mom undergo one hardship of me going against her will.
I wonder when would the next time be? Sometime, there's always a little whisper in my heart, asking for a rapid relinquish so I wouldn't need to put her through another torment, one which goes against her will for sure.
But life's a suffering. Is it okay for me to choose to avoid it?

Friday, August 3, 2012

Buffeting : Do you ever feel?

Do you ever feel, that it's as if you have no one in the world around you?

Somehow today I felt that once again. And feeling that, all the negative thoughts and passed scars come screaming into the head.

It was over the 21st birthday again.

"There's only one 21st for everyone"--- Dad

"Yea, and I don't understand why mine is going to turned out as a screwed up one."

"It's so weird that you actually have no friends in mind to invite! I thought you had the MOST friends"- Mom

Not until I've decided to retract.

Not until my family have to tie me down every single time.

Not until I'm being subjected to someone else something.

Not until I've learned to become bitter.

 If the best bud were to be here, just him and Monkey will do good. Not more than that. Of course I would love to have Queen and Bunny around, but Monkey and Queen have issues, so yea.

It's not like I don't have any friends at all, its just that I don't have any who cares or connect anymore. It's just different after all these while.

I had Jess the husband, and gosh it have been far too long since I spoke to her. It's weird that our relationship status turned out to be marital, when we clearly are siblings. Maybe its time to ring her up for her 21st too.

But right now, I have no one I'd actually can talk this to about. The best bud is busy, its kinda selfish to bother him with something as trivial as this, of course this is because of the self-centeredness in me making the whole thing seemed big. So its unfair to him in this sense.

Do you ever feel that the year is just not your year?

When I was in my even digit years, they were disastrous.

2008, I had never felt so betrayed and so alone for the first time in my life. It was as if living through hell everyday knowing there's something someone can't tell you because they just can't. No one was around to support, everyone was telling this that you do is just wrong, and staying put was, a miracle to keep it to the end.

2010, I had the worst academic drills ever. Not that I didn't enjoy the glory and outcome behind those work, but taking SAT, STPM, EJU, JLPT, MEXT examination in the same year was different. I was on alert mood towards the dawn of STPM, with the buzzing cousin sleeping beside me and the family not being able to understand the immense pressure I was dealing with the load back then was horrendous. I got myself high BP, Overweight, Bad Temper and Neurotics in my ledgers, and what they do is worsen by the year. I can barely remember me being in such a authoritative and sub-zero back in 2008.

2012, I had the worst roller coaster ride of my life. Now. I had to go on cold war and revolution mode to actually make life changing decisions. Was blamed hard by the mom because of my stubbornness and guts to 'rebel', the other siblings are doing the same as well. I was in my worst sub-zero condition in my life, every single thing pisses me off. My snipes kill people, and I'm now known as the temper over tempus under my roof, even the mother is subject to this. I have no idea how I got so dejected with the family. It's as if everything they ask me to do became an exploit on me. I know I shouldn't be feeling like this but shouldn't I? As of I'm back from UPM I'm on full time drivers duty, again without fail. Every single empty slots will be filled with younger siblings' tuition slots, and I'm subjected to their pick ups thro and fro. When questioned the elder sis, the only answer is " You should do. I don't care." So the question now is, Why should I? I don't get credit, I get screwed up every single time someone else decides to feel like fetching and I make an extra trip, the siblings just made it as "its your job" to fetch them without actually reminding me that I need to. I don't understand how a "favor" turns out to be the "exploit". The mom was talking with the aunt the other day about asking a favor to pick up the aunt's children if she turns out to be in admitted in the hospital, and the aunt was saying its fine if I sit the session out.

I was expected the answer to be "even the aunt can see it" Look. For the aunt. it is a favor, it sticks until she gets out of the hospital. For mine, its not a favor, its a freaking ROUTINE. One which actually costs MINE, and every single time I have something they have to ask why the routine still exists. It's as if I live for the family.

I really have no idea how the whole family actually see this problem. It's always the same words, "they are your siblings just try to be nice."

I've been NICE since the dawn I get my license. That's 3 years already, I became competent because of all the driver duties, thank you or screw you?

People die to go back home to the family.

I die to get out of the freaking premise away from the family.

Is it because of me being too selfish? Please tell me because I'm dying everyday living through this crap. I'm dying to get into the university away from all these. I'm dying to just freaking leave.

Yenyl asked me to observe. As for now I really am observing my pathetic life living everyone else' but mine.

How come a plan to decide for a 21st birthday always ends up telling myself what a fucked up wreck I am?

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Buffetting : Odaiba Memorial

Most people from the social media network thought I was being a Japan fanatic, posting about Odaiba and all.

Yet, lil do they know, I'm a Digimon fanatic instead.

Odaiba Memorial was set on the 1st of August, in which in the year of 1999 in the same date, Digimon Adventures was released, as well as the date which the main characters, Digidestined was brought to the Digital World, one which runs parallel to the human world of which the digital components made up a universe.
courtesy of muku scout.

This was the series, with such vivid and distinct traits and concept which brought my love towards Japan when I was younger. Of course, growing up I'd realized I was drawn over much more than just Digimon alone. There was Pokemon, Sailor Moon ,Dragon Ball  the culture, the people, and the technologies as well.

Why Odaiba? It was the place which Digimon was based on in Japan, where the protagonists grew up, advanced the plot, and the place which the series ended with a sequel.
courtesy of muku scout.
And it is so meaningful that the team used Odaiba, because of the nature of the satellite city of Tokyo being one of the most bustling technological area back then.

The concept of the digital universe, the character development, and the reasoning behind the formation of the whole component was remarkably sculpted by the producers.

Everything started, on the summer of 1991.

Happy 13th Odaiba Memorial to all Digimon Fans out there, and to the characters who lived in the series, you will always be a part of me, reminding me of my growth.