Monday, October 28, 2013

Buffetting : Updates and Being Lost

With limited access to internet while my phone data continuously bickering me about my data limit, I'd save all my listed posts for the holiday next week instead, since its gonna take major data supply on the photos.

I'm finally relieved of my duty as the student rep in my faculty. I've yet to complete one task, which is the vending machine installation, but I'd figure I'd help my junior with that instead.

As for life without responsibilities have been mundane, and grades were just so so, borderline A.

I guess I lost the drive to study without the time constraints? But its not an issue, I aim for an A and practicality anyway, not prizes over prizes.

And more time for my mind to float around, and self talk.

The LDR with T was fine until I have TIME.

It's really bad because I would just hope the messages come through in the day but it would affect T's studies; I can't be expecting messages in the night because there's no wifi around T; add that to raging hormones and extra time, I'm really on a haywire now.

I should probably focus on my studies, but there's only so long I can focus.

We'd promise our presence in each others' graduation; spending time for each other in both countries if possible; I guess I'm just very free right now.

Apart from that, it's like I'm lost in the midst of nowhere now. Before Dogathon ended, I had more excuses and reasons to meet the friends. But now that I'm free, I'm just lost.

I can never stop blaming my parents for taking this away from me, and myself for not being strong enough back then. Thing would be REALLY DIFFERENT if I had persisted.

"You have an eccentric way of taking things in life in the hard way." Lady Boss quoted that.

"You think too much while doing stuffs." Best Bud quoted that.

I thought I've finally found my turf, but one way or another I'm once again lost. I don't connect to them as I used to, and the only thing keeping us together, at least from where I see it, is just the pity I get from them for me trying very hard. Sometimes I'm really tired of keeping this up.

I know friendship is 2 way, and of course friends find time for each other. But it is really tiring. I need to go to the faculty at time to bump into people and ask whether they are interested for lunch; sometimes they ate I have to turn away; they have tests while I don't; they are discussing about class subjects while I awe in despair; I'm not sure if I can keep this up.

Today was test drive of zero commitment, from where I see it, its a pretty lonely life. T can't do much because there's a limit. After the 1 week of mid semester break, I'd figure I should just disconnect completely with the faculty. I should learn doing that, after all these while.

Between balancing Friends, Family, Activities last 2 semesters was fun; but now that activities have taken its departure, its as if the whole balance toppled and crash.

As for other commitments such as the VP of the Cultural Arts society, I've decided to just screw it. Not worth my time and energy, as it wasn't my lot or interest grounds to begin with.

They say music heals soul. I should begin with mine soon.


  1. Take up ur saxophone again! practice infront of me. hahahaha

    1. Yea, I guess its high time! Time to research on classes!

  2. Naww, here's a virtual hug and some positivity for you. Stay strong and maybe this lack of activities turns out to be a blessing in disguise in the near future. ;)

    1. Hug received!!!! I hope so? It's pretty empty inside these days, and I'll talk about why am I hesitant in the next dilemma post hahaha