Buffetting : Haunted

By the past that is.

Are you proud of your past?

Were you happy living it?

Did you wish you'd ever had a chance, to re-live it again?

Think hard.

I have been haunted by my past recently at multiple occasions. And I don't like it.

I don't like my past not because of who I was, but who I was WITH, how I lived it.

I think everything was okay till I reached the stage of adulthood, in which I needed to take charge in almost all the of the things around.

That is also when I realized how cruel the world is, and how the slightest mistake can make huge impacts in my life.

As trivial as it sounds now, it meant the whole world to me. At least, the whole 4 years of devotion that is.

The last 2 years in high school was dreadful. I was lost, I didn't know what to live with.

Being an all time maid in the house, trying to juggle twelve subjects and multiple positions in the school, not to mention a feud with a fellow prefect colleague which totally tore me down.

The word was dreadful.

Thank goodness I've decided to pick up Japanese, which I'd say I did fairly well by passing the international language tests for two years now. Final level to go.

Honestly, Japanese was the only thing held me strong back then, now that I've realized. It was my dream, my hope, and my back up shoulder.

Even when I feel super down the same song plays over and over again, and I will recall those words over and over again.

走れ、風より速く；目指せ、空より遠く。新しい自分になれるさあ。

Run faster than the wind, Look further than the sky, and be a new you.

These words pick me up everyday, and they worked me up till today. Thank you.

Hence, my fast pace of moving on. I do not wish to live in the past.

My company tends to tell me how they missed the past, because of the things they went through. They enjoy those times, savor and cherish them.

Little do they know, what I have went through those times ain't as sweet as them. They might have some problems along the way, what I had was problems all the way.

I guess I was a good actor, still is till today.

And so when people tend to tag me in old photos, I just untag myself.

It's so redundant. Reminiscing? You do it, I don't need the extra dosage of migraine.

I'm a bitter person?

You bet I am.