Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Buffetting : Why

As blessed as my life is, the curse on my life is equally mortifying.

I paid the TDA of the vet fac a visit today, and there was no good news.

I am not eligible to proceed my following semester with my original cohort.

Meaning I will have to join my juniors, the next cohort.

Which I thought it was fine, since I'm going for the course, not just the company.

Yet, things are bound to go haywire.

Do I still kick in with the previous cohort?

Will I be as close to the next cohort compared to the ones I came in with?

How exactly am I suppose to balance the previous cohort with the next?

Apart from academics, we have plenty of co-curricular activities which requires a collective means of effort, i.e. the whole cohort of the year to perform.

These includes the Vet Dinner, Dogathon, Majlis Silaturahim, Vet sports and so on.

Do I go on with the previous or the next?

What about the traditional top-down relation?

I'm like stuck in between.

Again,I will be the odd one out.

This is getting boring. and Frequent.

The whole night alone in the car was nuts. I talked to myself literally outloud.

Why do these happen to me?

Why am I subjected to my family's matters all the time in my life choices?

Why am I restricted to this?

Why is it that a person who is able to choose all courses in the world. being restrained to one course by the family no less?

It's like the family eats into my life everyday.

And its really depressing. Every night I had problem sleeping thinking of this.

Every other moment that I'm not occupied I will be thinking of these.

There are people who wish to live my life? Please, they were born into their lives.

I wasn't, and I had the choice. It's not that I do not have a choice, its because I have to meet the family's expectation.

Family again.

People outside treasure their families, how did I manage to come into hating mine?


Gosh I swear I'm in the verge to end this shit.

I'm so mentally and physically exhausted in keeping up this.

I'm 21, and I'm already having depression.

What's next? Bipolar or split personality?

Oh even better, lose my sanity.



  1. this really does not bode well with u. as long as family has a huge influence on u, there's nothing much that u can do except to brace it till the day u decide to cross the line.

    just......hang on and stay strong for now. i really don't know what else to say. take good care of yourself, dear *hugs*

    1. gosh, i have no idea how and why i grew to dislike the company of a family. I think others will think that I'm taking it for granted? But I'm not!

      haha thanks, a good hug now will mean a lot!

  2. maybe you should stop thinking about it for now and just go with the flow.

    1. but i can't. if i ever wants to return i need to be prepared for everything. lat minute will even make my life even more miserable.

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