Thursday, March 15, 2012

Buffetting : Another State of Depression

I am a full-fledged attention seeker , and things aren't going well around now.

When I signed up for Monash, I knew people and lives in UPM will go on, even without my presence.

Today there were some posts over Dogathon flying through my eyes in FB.

It is the point of the year where DVMs in UPM are required to prepare for the massive event of the year.

Last year, when I was in the course, it was like a death sentence to me that if I continued I would be taking over, at least one major designation one way or another. Sadly, I left.

And now I see my friends taking over positions, and I feel helplessly left out.

This is still bearable, if I'm equally active here.

Yet, things are different.

Upon the first stay I stood in Monash, I told myself to not participate so actively, like what I thought I had told myself back in UPM; so that the Attachment factor wouldn't stick in.

So I wasn't. I let the youngsters shine.

PS: I'm like the 2nd oldest around. STPMer mar.

I didn't bother being active and loud and all

I didn't run for Course rep.

I didn't actively go know everyone in the course.

I'd just didn't want to have any attachment, which makes leaving easier.

However, there was this sign up form for the various committees in the Medicine programs' society, known as MUMeds( Monash University Meds) , and I left my name here and there, just to try things out.

A few of my friends got the email to participate.

I was checking my monash mail these few days just to see if I was sent as well.

Yea you got the answer right, a No.

I'm not sure how should I react to this. Should I just ignore, and do whatever I want? Just go to the aerobic classes in the gym, and just go through lecture notes and all shit.

I mean, I'm okay with my group mates for tutorials and all, but beyond that, should I even care?

Some how, the emptiness my head is increasing by the day, probably with excess spare time and lack of interest in what I've signed up for.

I lost sense of directions, I'm like in a lost pit now.

Sometimes, I just wish I could give a suicide attempt to just scare my parents off.

But morality bites.

I'm currently in the state of depression, great.


  1. Believe in yourself, that you can and will do your best no matter where life takes you. I guess things happen for a reason.. in the meantime, you just have to take on whatever challenge comes your way.

    After all, Tempus: After all I had went through in my life, I've decided to follow the chyme in my heart, for the wind to bring me where I am suppose to be, relieving from aqua.

    The wind will bring you to where you are supposed to be. Don't give up!
    Reading your blog has been an inspiring journey for me. Thank you.

    1. Thanks for the reminder. I was like a water, allowing my container to form my shape without any of my own willingness. I shall now follow the chyme in my heart to allow the wind to bring me to higher grounds.

      Thanks again for being inspired! You are the 3rd person who has told me this!

  2. There there, optimism will bring you out of ur depression state :)

    1. I sure hope so lo. Now im quite really the depressed... Very scared and paranoid and all