Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Buffetting : That Dirty Little Chinese Secret 3

又是用华文讲废话的时间咯~

我,觉得我越来越可悲了。

怎么说呢?

很莫名地,发觉本身到了那儿都是被剩下来的。

还记得中学期间上马来文课时,其中一个我常记下的谚语:

Bagai melukut di tepi gantang.

没想到,被记下的这个谚语,就代表了我的一生。

就今天,我又深深地在感受到这份孤独。

虽然我的确是表明我会迟到,但我并没想像到,我是个如此容易被遗忘的一分子。

一个电话,通知我场地换了,也并不难吧?

毕竟,我在伙伴;不,该不算是伙伴了吧。

我在同学之间,也不过是一个多出来的一分罢了。

我们,现在也应该称为萍水相逢,经此而已。

没法子了,我大概已经并不擅长交友了吧。

真的好希望拿日本的奖学金真的可以到手。

到那时候,一切应该会改变吧。


可悲啊,斌仔。

啊?斌仔么?我的乳名。

现在已经不能做“仔”了吧?都那么大块了。

对不起ho,有时候,一些东西用了华文写得比较有味道。

还是贴定心水,独自走这条路贝~

7 comments:

  1. 有时候人比较自私,可能没有顾虑到你的感受吧。

    人都会这样的...不要认为是因为自己很不好还是什么。

    (sorry, not here to judge.)

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  2. @del: its okay, I'm open to anything right now. Well, I don't know man seriously. It's like they'd totally forgotten about me or something. What ever, I'm totally being cynical towards the term "friendship" now.

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  3. 我懂你的处境。也会有这种状况发生咯。。。

    也没办法,我们又不能轻易改变别人, 只能自求多福,找到一群可以容纳我们的一族。

    支持你!XD

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  4. @vin:也对。问题所在是我那善于离队的怪癖。当到了某种感情尺度,就算已经找到了一个属于一族的圈子,内心还是有种莫名的恐惧。
    我到底在为谁而活?

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  5. 其实说真的,我不曾觉得你是个孤独的人。
    若然你真的觉得身边的人都不在乎你,那或许是你自己的心里,潜意识地不接受他们的关怀吧。

    事实上,你说“我那善于离队的怪癖”,也许并不是造成这一切的源头。
    记得在中学的时候,你要是不快乐或擅自离队,都总会有人上前去和你说话、聊天。只是或许,那个主动找你的人,并不是你所希望看到的人。
    在我的印象中,你一直是一个很受欢迎的人。你不觉得,像空气般没存在感,可有可无的人,应该是我吗?=P

    其实我才是那个孤立的人吧?哈哈哈
    你们一群一群的,我从来就不是你们任何一群好友之中的一份子。我并没有刻意疏远,但不知道为什么,我总是不容易和大家融为一块。可悲吧!

    难道你不觉得我有这么可悲?Convince me then!

    Well, just try not to put too much feelings into it (or putting it in a not-so-nice way, just don't be so self-centered). That's what I always tell myself, because if I did care too much, I would have died of sadness/solitariness. Ahahah

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  6. @eelyn: yea i know! I've always told myself not to be self-centered all the time, it just makes me much more pathetic than I was already.

    maybe you were right on the "it's not the person I wanna see" issue. But then again, that was back then, not now. things have pretty much changed a lot since high school, as for me I've really really changed too much, till the point that I find it scary looking at myself compared to me back then.

    I couldn't say much on 像空气般没存在感,可有可无的人 because of the form 5 different class. But form 4 was still alright. I think everything changed in form 5, when I've really think I'm just an extra. But you do have a great family, who really just know you *from the way you put i la*

    I think its the long break. I really hate it when im not occupied enough, makes me over-think. But then again, it doesn't change the fact that I'm just an extra around the people I'm dealing with right now.

    PS: Thanks, felt a lil better. Just wanted to rant. Actually I'm okay now, things just fly past my head after I dump them out and let a few hours past.

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  7. Family, like literally?

    Haha. Don't try to comment on other people's families unless you're part of them. Really, you never know what's going inside. ;)

    So on the friends' side, it's like when I feel like dying I don't even know who to look to. HAHA. It's just that I coat myself pretty well it seems, because I don't like to appear pathetic to others. =P

    and you're welcome.

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