又是用华文讲废话的时间咯~
我，觉得我越来越可悲了。
怎么说呢?
很莫名地，发觉本身到了那儿都是被剩下来的。
还记得中学期间上马来文课时，其中一个我常记下的谚语：
Bagai melukut di tepi gantang.
没想到，被记下的这个谚语，就代表了我的一生。
就今天，我又深深地在感受到这份孤独。
虽然我的确是表明我会迟到，但我并没想像到，我是个如此容易被遗忘的一分子。
一个电话，通知我场地换了，也并不难吧？
毕竟，我在伙伴；不，该不算是伙伴了吧。
我在同学之间，也不过是一个多出来的一分罢了。
我们，现在也应该称为萍水相逢，经此而已。
没法子了，我大概已经并不擅长交友了吧。
真的好希望拿日本的奖学金真的可以到手。
到那时候，一切应该会改变吧。
可悲啊，斌仔。
啊？斌仔么？我的乳名。
现在已经不能做“仔”了吧？都那么大块了。
对不起ho，有时候，一些东西用了华文写得比较有味道。
还是贴定心水，独自走这条路贝~
有时候人比较自私，可能没有顾虑到你的感受吧。
ReplyDelete人都会这样的...不要认为是因为自己很不好还是什么。
（sorry, not here to judge.)
@del: its okay, I'm open to anything right now. Well, I don't know man seriously. It's like they'd totally forgotten about me or something. What ever, I'm totally being cynical towards the term "friendship" now.
ReplyDelete我懂你的处境。也会有这种状况发生咯。。。
ReplyDelete也没办法，我们又不能轻易改变别人， 只能自求多福，找到一群可以容纳我们的一族。
支持你！XD
@vin：也对。问题所在是我那善于离队的怪癖。当到了某种感情尺度，就算已经找到了一个属于一族的圈子，内心还是有种莫名的恐惧。
ReplyDelete我到底在为谁而活？
其实说真的，我不曾觉得你是个孤独的人。
ReplyDelete若然你真的觉得身边的人都不在乎你，那或许是你自己的心里，潜意识地不接受他们的关怀吧。
事实上，你说“我那善于离队的怪癖”，也许并不是造成这一切的源头。
记得在中学的时候，你要是不快乐或擅自离队，都总会有人上前去和你说话、聊天。只是或许，那个主动找你的人，并不是你所希望看到的人。
在我的印象中，你一直是一个很受欢迎的人。你不觉得，像空气般没存在感，可有可无的人，应该是我吗？=P
其实我才是那个孤立的人吧？哈哈哈
你们一群一群的，我从来就不是你们任何一群好友之中的一份子。我并没有刻意疏远，但不知道为什么，我总是不容易和大家融为一块。可悲吧！
难道你不觉得我有这么可悲？Convince me then!
Well, just try not to put too much feelings into it (or putting it in a not-so-nice way, just don't be so self-centered). That's what I always tell myself, because if I did care too much, I would have died of sadness/solitariness. Ahahah
@eelyn: yea i know! I've always told myself not to be self-centered all the time, it just makes me much more pathetic than I was already.
ReplyDeletemaybe you were right on the "it's not the person I wanna see" issue. But then again, that was back then, not now. things have pretty much changed a lot since high school, as for me I've really really changed too much, till the point that I find it scary looking at myself compared to me back then.
I couldn't say much on 像空气般没存在感，可有可无的人 because of the form 5 different class. But form 4 was still alright. I think everything changed in form 5, when I've really think I'm just an extra. But you do have a great family, who really just know you *from the way you put i la*
I think its the long break. I really hate it when im not occupied enough, makes me over-think. But then again, it doesn't change the fact that I'm just an extra around the people I'm dealing with right now.
PS: Thanks, felt a lil better. Just wanted to rant. Actually I'm okay now, things just fly past my head after I dump them out and let a few hours past.
Family, like literally?
ReplyDeleteHaha. Don't try to comment on other people's families unless you're part of them. Really, you never know what's going inside. ;)
So on the friends' side, it's like when I feel like dying I don't even know who to look to. HAHA. It's just that I coat myself pretty well it seems, because I don't like to appear pathetic to others. =P
and you're welcome.