Went throught a little conversation with my friend back few days, and now I'm just in pure confusion. Everyone has made their decision, and here I am hanging half way through... Honestly, I had only found out the reason i had desired scholarships since forever...
Not for myself, but the sole reason which is not to take my parents money, enabling them to threaten me later on in life that they had paid for my education. You may think that i'm such a bastard to think so, but you have not been me for the past 18 years, and i doubt even my family had any thoughts about it.
I had always been the odd one out. Everyone learns piano, but i don't. Everyone gets to learn and master their sports, but i don't. Everyone loves hokkien, but i don't. I have just identify that i'm no common with my family. A bit of self-centeredness but that is the fact.
I don't want to stay under one roof anymore. I don't want to be the handyman just because I'm the eldest son. I don't want to be the one who has to fix every single damn thing in my house. It's like I have to know every single pieces of matter in every inches of my house!
And that was the reason, I had always wanted a scholarship. I'm not that filial to think to save money for my parents. I'm just thinking of myself. Yes. I am. Why? Because I'm sick and tired of what my family is putting me into...
Gosh! What have I done? I have to consider my mum's opinion towards my future career instead of my own! I can't put MY thoughts into my own career... Why? Because and only becaus i knew my mum is going to threaten me.. After all the tuiotion i paid you dare say you want to ---- yes that is going to be the answer. I have no freedom to choose. Actually, I don't think i ever had.. Maybe at times, but this time, I some how knew the answer.
But what can I do? It is not like I can say no and do what I want because I couldn't! Owhkay peopl sorry that you have to listen(or read literally) what I rant... But now I'm just in pure confusion...
Gopeng here I come!!! Nature awaits for my call!!!!!