Buffetting : Loss of Youth, the B way

With respect to the posts the Best Bud and the K-Bud , somehow I feel like I'm at the point of my life in which loss of youth seemed so prominent.

2006. gosh that was long. Look at best bud looking like his mom.

First of the body. Heck, with knees cracking, sprained ankle and the cranky back, I can hardly get into any physical activities for the pass whole month. The max I went was probably push ups and crunches which don't strain too much on my lower part of my body. The treatment center's physiotherapist commented that I have great muscle bulk as assets, but those muscles are far too stiff and up-tight, just like their owner. I lack flexibility mental wise or physical wise. Let's hope the therapy goes well and I can get back into action as I step into vet school.

2008 during our retirement as prefects. Somehow we are related, somehow.

Next up, my dreams. As kid I had multiple dreams. When I stepped into Secondary 4, I'd revamp because of the politics my remnants of high school were introduced into my life for the first time. That was also when I thought being a medical doctor was everything. Until I graduate from Secondary, when I'd realized I might not be heading towards the direction I thought I have always wanted. True enough I was already half-way through in my mastery of the Japanese language, however is working as a medical doctor in Japan what I truly wanted? There was so much more the world could offer and I've yet to see the least of it. Upon quitting the A levels program and entering 6th Form, I was certain I'm no good because I have yet to be able to think maturely for myself. The gloom during the lower 6th was probably the darkest, and it was as if I'm right in the abyss of doom, because I made stupid choices which caused myself my education. That was also when I stopped dreaming and told myself to get REAL. I was determined to get my own means of finance for my future education, and repeatedly finding out possible career outcomes so that I wouldn't screw up the 2nd time after my Pre-U education hiatus. I guess the bitterness really started to manifest in this period.

Leaving the private institution to a public, from public to private then to public again, you are damn right if I'm freaking lost. Although I know medicine is no longer my cup of tea, while veterinary medicine has deemed me my first true love, how far I could go with my love was still, unpredicted. You see, I have always planned outcomes, I see the outcomes then I execute. I have always thought I would end up as a MO, then probably go for psychiatry or OB/GYN. It was up till this period that again I'm in the abyss of uncertainty, which I despise most.

So what else has proven I'd actually lost my youth?

another 2008. I'd realized I have not many alone shots.

1) Heck my bitterness. I was usually the nice person who says everything will be fine in high school. But today I SNIPE. Literally. I get real with people, especially those who are already in their teens. It's important for people to know to wish to live a dream and to get to live a dream is totally different. While diligence make up to 50% of it, karma, chances and opportunity which sums up to the 50% of probability matters a lot too. Even my posts seemed to be so much more different than the 2009 posts. It's as if I have a split personality.

2) Ditto to Best Bud, I write in full. Some how its more appropriate to practice typing and writing in full, so as when we actually need to express, we don't fumble and end up embarrassing or de-value ourselves.

3) Another ditto, I have a work email now. It was to make sure people don't actually say out the email and it sounded riDonkulous(copy right JessLopez). At least putting in your name in a decent term makes you sound like you are serious in getting the application/job/interview/scholarship and what not. Though funny emails might reflect how much fun you are, it might make you sound real childish. Oh wait, another sign for the loss of youth.

2008. Pre-SPM/graduation. You need a childish gang to be childish. even K-bud's in.

4) I sleep less. Somehow work has made its way into my life and its taking over. I used to have naps even after 6 to 8hours of sleep, but growing up and holding immense responsibilities took sleep away from me quite in a hefty amount. Of course I still take 6 hours of sleep during examination periods, just to make sure I don't blank out while taking my finals That's why I need to be consistent.

5) My comic/manga.magazine to books purchase ratio has dropped tremendously over the pass 3 years. I used to get like 5 in a month, while now I only get like 1 in 3 months. Likewise, my book purchases which includes encyclopedia, dictionaries, fictionally, biography, text-related have taken over a huge portion of my shelves, and having more space for them mean evicting the no longer read magazines. No longer fans of fancy drawings maybe? Naah, I still indulge in hours of Power Rangers, Digimon and Sailor Moon.

6) Less doodle. I used to doodle, a lot. It's like all over my 2ndary school text books. Today, I draw diagrams, charts, body parts, labels to remind myself the stuffs that I've learned. There's no more fantasy, no more creativity, no more drama*roll eyes* fine, maybe real life ones over doodled ones. So yes, its definitely a sign to me.


Putting that aside, I've somehow gotten myself a new dream. Well, who knows if its going to be shattered again while I venture into vet school, currently the new aim is to get a huge lot of land, then get a dairy farm running. I am going to make Malaysia the first tropical country to produce the best dairy products ever, and considering taking down Baskin Robbins with my coursemate, forming Malaysia's Boey-Robinn's.

2010. Sending Best bud away was definitely not easy. Say, we kinda have each others' feature in this shot. Look how nerdy were you!

And probably get another land on the far top end of the dairy farm to set up a meditation retreat. At least I know where to go when I need to practice mindfulness.

As of now, my dreams are pretty, old.