KZB on: The next leap

Finally, the speculation/expectation/though-projection/stress-ejaculation is finally over. JPA results was a dud. No surprise there, as my BM was a downer, anyway, that wasn't the point.

The point is, where to go now?

I have the real tendency of not fullfilling what I have said, especially towards my own interests, literally.

I just had a lecture from my mum, telling me how much she had actually "paid" and sacrificed just to make me someone usefully, or rather so to speak, "professional".

Yes, the PROFESSIONAL term.

Defination: Source from Wikipedia...

A 'true' professional must be proficient in all criteria for the field of work they are practising professionally in. Criteria include following:

1. Academic qualifications - a doctoral or law degree - i.e., university college/institute
2. Expert and specialised knowledge in field which one is practising professionally
3. Excellent manual/practical and literary skills in relation to profession
4. High quality work in (examples): creations, products, services, presentations, consultancy, primary/other research, administrative, marketing or other work endeavours
5. A high standard of professional ethics, behaviour and work activities while carrying out one's profession (as an employee, self-employed person, career, enterprise, business, company, or partnership/associate/colleague, etc.)

yes... i wonder how people actually put all these into categories, but it doesn't mater now does it?

my mum put doctors,lawyers,engineers,architect and even accountants as proffesionals, and the rests are out of the list...


and i think im such an idiot, to actually tell her i had interests in IT and Computing, who knows maybe Mass Comm and Business today, when I should have expected that she will bang me with the "I had paid 30k for a science's Pre-U" philosophy..


I dont know.. Its like what she wants instead of what I wants. Everything I do will be held into someone else's eyes, especially hers.

She makes me feel guilty, owh she is doing a bang up job there man...

One thing I had always realised when my mum asks what I wish to pursue is, mot of the time she will tell me that medicine is the best, it beats the rest and all you need to pass the test... But have she ever thought what i will always carrest?

nope, she seldom does that. 1 out of 10 convo on my career only I had the chance to ay, "I may be interested in so and so."

I have no idea what to pursue yet, and I kept my options wide by taking A levels.

Little do I know, that A levels had became the very factor, that had limited my lifetime, in a way that I can never change.

"I want to do A levels!!!" I bloody-darn said that. So its my turn to clean up the mess, my duty to deal with it. I will have no more choices other than purseing sciences, which I find, not going to be what I really want, at least not yet.

But dang it, I became my own limiting factor by "keeping my options opened"


No more leaps fo me. I darn screwed.

After today, I will post only on ocassions. I do not have a life anymore

I, can only say, my life beforethis is over.


Its time for me to live a new life.

A hell of a life...