The transition began even before T uttered those words.
Of course, flashbacks recur on and off, but it wasn't as strong as it used to be.
It's funny, when you were in the relationship, you would just back everything up for the other half, no matter what.
When you sit back and analyze logically, T was definitely not the best lover out there. Maybe the best friend material, but most definitely not the best lover.
These develop after I said yes, and time took toll without me realizing it.
Lady Boss even used the word - bully.
I never really saw myself as the one being bullied in my relationship, but someway or another; I got bullied.
I became this, reserved other half who said to almost every single excuses T made; and even protecting T at all times. I wasn't the proud Leo who demanded for the attention I would, need, and definitely expected in a successful relationship. I allowed T, to be this typical Aquarius while I took in all those nifty advises the net has provided.
Which deemed me, extremely taxing on this side of the relationship.
Braving out of the relationship wasn't hard; because the problem was obviously not with me.
Braving into a new relationship, however is different. The hardship, the late nights, the "tolerance"; it was really taxing.
Perhaps it was the LDR. Or it might just be me being illogical when blinded by love.
I remember vividly; a person who I will fall for will be the person who made me irrational; was the trait I look into my lover. T managed to. But was not in the good way.
Anyhow, these doesn't really matter anymore. With T out of the picture; somehow the burden on my academic and career do not seemed to be that heavy anymore.
I can explore more, without confining myself to have the need to see T in Thailand anymore; and go further to reach higher peaks.
Thai will still be in my interest list, when I go multinational it is definitely the country I'm hitting after Japan.
I never realized how I subconsciously made T the world I revolve around before we broke up. It is pretty scary to know when I snapped out of the bubble.
Braving up, for a new relationship probably require sometime.
never seen myself that huge before
But who knows, things might be different? Not like I'm desperate or anything right now.
Before that, a new club and good grades for a better future.
Hugs my dear friend. T never was the ideal lover anyway and the way he treats you now I am certainly very much unimpressed.
ReplyDeleteBut I understand you, and sometimes, along the way when we fall, we fall hard, and things can get very irrational indeed.
Just remember sometimes it's not what we get at the end of the day, it's the journey. = ) Being in love certainly felt good.
But now it's time to put everything behind and move on. Cheer up Tempus!
Never. Haha. Well at some point T was, in the beginning! The traits were perfect. But well, those traits can be easily undermined by ignorance and lack of interest/care or whatever.
DeleteThe journey, ahh I like the sound of that! IT FELT GREAT, the ecstasy was never ending! Yet, you can't deny those feelings which haunt you when T just go on silent mood; while you know T is available when posting on Instagram lol.
Move on? HELL YEAH ! I can do better than, T! Hahaha
Nice post. That's what I call 'personal' write-up that is from your heart. :) Hugsss...
ReplyDeleteHaha, I write these kind of stuffs all the time la okay?! Everything in my blog is now all from the heart, not random musings lol~
DeleteYea, I accept the virtual one first, waiting for the real one ya!
omg. broke up? why ?
ReplyDeleteGosh took you long man! I have no clear cut of the idea, but I'm pretty sure commitment was one of the major issue, as well as fear that the family knows? I don't know, I don't feel like knowing because by the end of the day, I know its not me.
Delete