Saturday, April 5, 2014

Buffetting : It's Time

The long wait till April from last November has arrived.

In less than 10 hours I will be flying to The Rose of Northern Thailand, Chiang Mai again.

Fell in love, literally in Chiang Mai; and T the first time I when there, will it charm me all over again this trip?

Hopes,
1- Learn more about elephant management. Hopefully land some networks so my next trip or final year project might be something about the magnificent being

2- Learn more about Chiang Mai. I have one whole day in Chiang Mai before I begin my practical in ENP; I ought to have a free exploration around with the time I have. More temples to venture, more places and more pictures; solo this time

3- Learn more about myself. I wish to know more on what I really see in life. My future; in career, in relationships, in networks, in possible expatriate destinations. Do I see myself in what I see right now; in 5 years' time?

4- Learn more, definitely about T. How would T react in stuffs? Which side T would pick in the cinema? Is T more dominant or I am in this relationship? What T really likes? How T's dorm look like? Where T would go usually for everything or anything? Most importantly, is T really the One I have been looking for?

Fear,
1- The practical doesn't go as fantastic, which is highly impossible unless I got smacked down by an elephant in musth.

2- Chiang Mai got raided, which is highly impossible seeing how the government protects it as a tourist spot

3- The plane got hijacked like MH370. Paranoid much?

4- T and I do not look eye an eye in what we are sharing. Possibly my worse paranoid right now.

People have been telling me I deserve T as much as T deserves me, but I just never felt good enough to match the level T has.

Maybe I'm just not that prepared for this relationship to begin with, considering the nature and timing of its conception.

I'm not earning yet, like financial independent. It makes being with another person still, a little intimidating.

I feel like I'm not ready physically, literally. I'm not in my good form to actually be able to attract anyone, let alone T who is pretty much in the wanted list I would say for most people. T has yet to tell me the truth yet, so maybe I will bag it when I'm in the dorm

I'm not ready emotionally, for the ups and downs of this relationship; for it being my first love. I had tough time pulling the stickiness and heated-love period; while T totally just smoked off a few months after I said yes.

So it is time. For me to take another bolder step.

I found this post on "LDRs are for the psychos". It's in Mandarin, but if you are really interested and wish to have it translated; so comment XD

Well, for my first relationship, I think I'm TOO bold. Heck, it wasn't T's first relationship.


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