Thursday, November 12, 2015

Auscultating : Only know it when it's gone

Remembered I talked about how N and I was in the bandwagon again? N pursued hard until lately.

The last time we chatted was the night before my Clinical Medicine Test 2, when a sticker was sent to my Line account.

I have this tendency to put N's messages on hold, simply because I can afford to.

Until I realized today that N is no longer in the chat box, or rather N left Line.

I'm not too sure what my feelings are telling me now. Relieved or annoyed?

But hey, I was playing hard to get to begin with so who and what am I to say about anything right?

I guess I was just simply not interested from the beginning. By qualities N probably was okay:

1- Working adult as a veterinarian
2- Okay looking
3- Likes me more than I do to N.

But I guess I wasn't really okay with N's cross dressing past, and a little too feminine in the pictures on social media? We were okay in that one video chat, probably because it was the first one; even other Line chats weren't that crazy.

Maybe I'm upset because I didn't get to do the "dumping" instead. Makes me an asshole doesn't it?

At any rate, I'm not entitled to any choice right now anyway.

1- I'm not hot or good looking
2- I'm not rich
3- I'm geographically and chronologically undesirable.

Some parts of me did really ask me to give dating apps a go, some parts of me just make me delete those apps and tell me its not the time.

It is probably not the time, and N leaving the chat room is a sign of telling me, to move on.

Well, we only know it when it's gone right? Just like everything else in life.

To anticipate for the next one, I'm on the verge of giving up. Multiple times I've told myself this life I'm probably not going to find anyone, despite the fact that I'm not even in the working society yet.

Like plenty of my course mates have told me, I'm probably a magnet to foreign cakes. A quote from my friend:

"你还是去找个老外吧,只有他们才可以征服你这只庞大的狮子。“

Where on earth am I going to get the money to access to them?

9 comments:

  1. Dating apps is not even meant for dating purpose - they are meant for hookup.
    Don't go for it hot doc. you are too innocent!! 不~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ haha

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  2. and oh ya. I moved to Seri Kembangan. Right opposite across the sungai besi road there. It's like 5 min to your UPM. lol . find one day to meet up. Anyway, are u still in malaysia?

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    Replies
    1. Wah.. I can smell brewing f*ckie fun time. Hehe

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    2. To Zach: LOL I'm TOO innocent? Hahahaha, well maybe to some certain extent I am. 5 minutes to UPM? Haha it's about 10 to my faculty man, have a stroll around you would understand what I mean. Yes I'm still in Malaysia! What makes you think otherwise?

      To Ed: I'm innocent remember?

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    3. oh that's cool. we should meet up one day. it's so long overdue. since i am staying so very near to UPM. and I always go to the gym nearby there using the jalan UPM. lol.

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    4. Haha I have to say the only time you have left is during Christmas because my mid semester break have just ended, and I will be busy for the next 5 weeks before my semester ends. Gym? There are like a lot around this area XD

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    5. so plenty i always hop from one another. so cheap also. haha. alright. we will see. busy man always the busy.

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    6. LOL seriously? Hahahah I never had the leisure time to explore them; well never had time for anything anyways; talking about bad time management.

      Well, yea I'm kinda the busy type hahaha. Christmas week should be okay if I managed to settle my finals and house!

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete