Friday, January 27, 2012

Buffetting : Depressed

It comes to a stage of my life again for me to get depressed.

CNY 2012 is not really going well for me.

All the last minute fiasco;

the last minute renovation
the last minute cleanup
the last minute catering services
the last minute course selection
the last minute this and that

Apparently 3 consecutive midnight movies weren't enough to tone me down.

It's like everynight its sleepless night thinking about how am I suppose to choose between how I wish my life would be, and how my family wish my life would be.

I was told to give Monash a try, just a sem.

But I am not willing to give up the opportunities laid for me in UPM.

There are so many doors, waiting for me to just open them up and do great things back there.

Not to mention those cute lil calves and does waiting for me to see them.

And my course mates.

Any my dorm bed.

If I were to take a sem off in UPM, so many would change.

One questioned if I were able to continue with vet with a different company.

I couldn't say YES immediately, because it was THEM who were with me all the way! A change of company means a change of a whole lots more.

I am not willing to give this up.

But then again, this questions my affinity towards the COURSE, or just the people.

Monash is pretty well-known for their snobbish and spoiled prince and princesses.

And I'm not really sure if I am able to associate, or wish to associate with them.

Even if I have to, I don't feel like it.

Being in a public university taught me how to be appreciative, and how people had really worked so hard to get into their courses.

It wasn't only by sheer luck, there are sweats and tears behind them too.

Compared to those in private universities, I found people in public ones are much more down to earth. Well at least for the time being.

So its depression period again. Vet or Med. Life or what not.

Why am I subdued to all these all the time?

It sucks to even have the power to choose.

I need someone to hypnotize me.


  1. bin, i guess you just have to stick to what you really like and enjoy doing :)

  2. I'm glad to know you've found great friends at UPM, but I'd say even half a year isn't enough for one to see the true colours of those around them. Might be just my case, though. I thought I had the best friends ever at college, until about eight months or so later, I noticed everything was beautiful only because there was a nice veil over it. So since then I told myself not to be so sure when it comes to 'people'. They are the most complicated living thing in the world.

    Back then, people were advising me to leave the college and enrol at a better place (because my coll, sadly, has a very bad name - which I then noticed and somehow began to agree). But I was determined to stay, and the main reason being: I thought I met the best friends ever and I treasured them too much to leave them for a better institution. But, when I discovered the truth, I began to wonder why had I even carried on in the first place.

    So maybe, I'd say, if you're carrying on in UPM ONLY BECAUSE of the people, take a deep thought on the possible scenarios in the future lets say (touchwood) their true colours are way opposite from what you see now. But if you really like Vet (seriously, put the people aside for now), then you may stay.

    I hope I didn't sound like I'm trying to talk you off against your friends at Uni. I'm just, well, providing a different view for you to look at.

    Anyway, seriously sincerely, good luck! I had LOTS of sleepless nights too. Seriously. More than a month? Even now, things aren't completely settled, but for now I'm just going with the flow and see how things go. I believe there's always a way... I hope ;)

  3. @jo: so do I. but reality kicks in.

    @ee lyn: I understand. but in my defense, I'd literally lived with them for 6 months under the same roof, so pretty much everything they have was exposed.

    so far, the relationship we shared was pretty much genuine, so no problem there. as for now, i'd just have to leave upm for a sem, and if i'm still eager to go back, vet's my cup of tea.