Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Buffetting : Back to Square One

I had my dreams.

I had my goals.

I made promises.

And now, I am back to square one.

Seriously, I have no idea how to put these into words. It is not like I have not been working hard because I know I did.

I worked ten time harder than I used to be.

All the school work, home work, tuition work, none was left out along the way.

I gave it all.

But it turns out that what I have done ain't good enough.

SAT 1 turned out to be an utter disaster..

And SAT2, I was hoping to have done a little bit more better, at least a little bit more closer to the target I have set.


So now, I am back to my original clean state.


Which way now?


Gosh I'm so confused now!!!!


I am just so lost. There is no guidance, no light, no way out.


It has always been me and myself only, without anyone there.



It is my fault to not open up to anyone at all but, it's just not me to do that.


I'm tired....


I'm tired of telling myself its only another few more days, or weeks or months or years till the next climax comes.


I'm tired of being asked around to do stuffs because I'm the eldest boy.

I'm tired of keeping the expectations of all the people around me...



But I can never stop myself.


Why? Is my life there only for everyone else but me? Just to satisfy others?


Somehow, the idea of me not being able to be myself strikes me all the time.



I don't know.... I'm just lost. Nowhere out....




Whats next?


MEXT....


There we go again, another marathon of studies...

But first, March exam..


Alright, full charge ahead!


Zany Zephyr

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