Buffetting : New Semester

Well, its another new semester again!

New subjects, New lecturers, New labs, and definitely new experiences.

I'm pretty much done with the activities now, so its time to focus back on my self-development.

Academics, Music, Health and Love.

Definitely new elements into my life of now.

So and so to the point that people like Biolexus and Jboy would really think I should totally be prepared for the big "S" when I visit T in April.

It's definitely something huge, like freaking huge.

The intensive workshop on the outing was, mind-blowing literally.

Touch of Midas, readups, sharing of experiences and me being innocent me; well, its really something huge to take on.

I guess I shouldn't think too much as of now, like what Best bud have said. Just let it happen if it does, with preparation.

Geez, preparation and expectation, where to draw the lines?

On the side note, I've taken up the initiative as the course rep for an important subject, vet pathology this semester. Let's hope that wouldn't eat up my life.

With another semester as VP of the cultural club, Malaysia Vet Student Association on its roll, and the vending machines; I better be free enough for myself this semester.

Targets for this semester:

1- GRADES! Don't slack anymore!
2- WEIGHT! Health and looks all in a package! It's time to keep the waistline less than 34"!
3- MUSIC! That sax is piling on dirt! No more delay!
4- BACK! If not there goes Fathers' day and everything that comes with it.
5- T! Learn more and start to go deeper in aspects of life!

Buffetting : Mission Freedom

Finally the campus election is O-V-E-R.

Man I never felt so free in my life, over responsibilities that is.

A lot of drama, politics and hardwork involved. Staying up till 5.30am in the morning making illegal posters? I think I can call that dude my brother.

Anyhow, time to drop serving and working for others; time to initiate Mission Freedom.

What's exactly MI:Freedom all about?

Freedom to spend more time on thyself
Freedom to spend money without being its slave
Freedom to enjoy life not in the expense of tied to monetary issues.

If MI:Freedom works, I think I can pursue in any field in the veterinary pool I want upon my graduation.

Wildlife with the Elephants?
Marine mammals with the Killer Whales?
Dairy farm with the Cows?
Veterinary Hospital with the Small Animals?
Vaccines with the viruses and bacteria?
Pharmaceuticals with the Livestock?
Translator with the Thais, Chinese and Japanese?
Dining outlet with the Livestock?

or

Just spend the rest of my life adoring T?

I'm more ambitious than the last one LOL.

T did ask me to go over to Thailand for my Masters. Not my first choice, being Japan was my fever and all.

But at the same time, T wasn't sure if Thailand is the place for T's masters either. Imagine if T went to the States while I got accepted in Thailand.

REALLY? Another 4 more years of separation? I can't take THAT much of a LDR.

Planning T's Christmas present is really exciting! Lots of photoshooting involved; but let's hope the greeneries in Ladang 16 do our photoshoot some justice.

Seeing that I'm no longer that busy, I am vacant for paranoia. People around me keeps on telling me that I will definitely fall into the busy abyss again seeing how, well I like to fall into that abyss.

I have only 4 more weeks before the semester ends, with 3 weeks of intensive poultry farm practical; then Chinese New Year.

Getting into shape, learning new instrument, familiarizing with the new language, getting good grades, juggling relationships with 2 different batch mates, looking for a passive income...

Man, I guess I AM still in that abyss!

It's definitely a mixed feeling now. But I'm pretty glad that I am ACTUALLY free. No more phone calls or emails to attend to for once.

Time to be more in love with T, and also making sure its not a one way thing!

Buffetting : Choices 3

Well, I think I'm one fickle-minded son of a bitch.

1st was the country, 2nd was the universities in Malaysia, now the course itself.

Fucked up would be the term comes into mind naturally.

Talked to Clayden the other day about taking an alternative degree which is Linguistics.

Why? Well, language is the most formidable weapon! Cliche as it sounds, the tongue is always sharper than the sword.

And plus I always think that possessing multiple languages is definitely a plus point in a person's life, and definitely makes someone sexier~

The thing is I enjoy talking and yapping, and taking linguistics seemed to be logical because of the amount of time I deal with the ways and flow of a specific language.

Geez I've even started to correct my own phonetics these days, must be the long break.

So now its like Medicine and Linguistics.

I'm not sure if I should put Law or anything else into the list right now, its just that I really need an extra insurance because of the doc overdose issue.

33 medical institution churning out at least 200 doctors in a year! By the time I graduate there are already 33X200X(5+1) = you do the math.

So yes I worry ALL THE TIME, screw me again.

Its actually all about the family thing. It's like you've settled down before that you are going to take medicine, and when people asked you say" tentatively medicine" and the whole community will pin you down and expect you to treat them in 5 years time.

Earth to Community, I haven't even enroll yet. All these long holiday seemed to make it even harder to keep myself focused onto the course itself because of the amount of exposure I'm dealing with, its like SPM break all over, just that now its magnified by at least 3 times.

If someone were to be blamed it would be the family background again. Typical chinese family, cousins compared with cousins, eldest son being the top cream in the house, you name it I've probably lived it.

I just wished the local universities can release their results faster, and July lands in faster.

I'm suffocating like shit now.

Buffetting : Patriotisme

Are you patriotic enough to said it out loud, "I love my country"?

Let's not go to shout outs, what about the actions you have done to show your love of the country?

Well, so far I don't think I have done anything BIG for Malaysia, nor aware of anything that I have done.

Yet, what matters isn't the Was, but its the Is and Will Be.

Picking up a career which enables one to commit himself fully into aiding the people of the community just reflects this.

Honestly speaking, I am the Fly High type and I'm totally fine in not working in the home country upon graduation.

Sure, Malaysia has been a nice place, great home, great people. Yet, there's just a vibe or rather sting which just remains in the mind that this place has also made me despise it a little. Probably because of what the constitution, or how the politicians governed the system.

Well, of course for youngster like me, education would be the trigger.

If my parents were the ones who pays for my education, why couldn't i choose where and which country I work for?

Because the country provided everything?

Well, the "things" provided are debatable.

Anyway, I do intend 3 years, or maximum 5 years' of service for Malaysia in the future, just to serve the community and fill up the "at least you tried" controversy.

Why can't you work further?

Depends. Like I say, matters are exposed to circumstantial factors.

The chances of me leaving for another place is higher, as I really do look forward in living in another place and culture. for the rest of my lives.

Malaysia was a great place, and it is going to turn out to be a better one. Living here in my retiring days is definitely fun, but not my wild years.

Buffetting: Minding Your Own Business

Literally.

The dilemma kicks in just like that, especially when your family runs a business.

The struggle between helping out with your friends, and helping the family business in the premise.

I've seen tonnes of people with family business. Generally, if you are somehow majoring or in fact taking a certain subject related to the whole system, you are in fact, already programed to be IN the system.

Deep down inside, there's a teenage boy burning with desire to flame through the odds and wants dearly to help out the friends at school.

Yet, reality bites and guilt flares even more. So, the best choice would most probably be helping out, as an office boy, in the office. No pun intended.

It's just the way how the mom conveyed on the stress and hard work required to sustain the current lifestyle, and being the eldest son in a typical Chinese family, I'm probably given the death sentence to help out in every single way in the family, be it house chores, electrical appliances, computer softwares, and back to the buzz.

The rant goes on and on, but by the end of the day, the logic kicks in.

Aiding the friends is voluntarily.

Aiding the family is compulsory.

After 1.5 years of devoting to the school, diverting back to the family seemed logical and sensible.

Of course, if the time is right and hours were abundant, lending a hand in charity works never harm.

Since family calls, there is no way one could say no, even more for me.

Kinda like dejavu. This sensation is exactly the same back in form 4, when the school teacher asked for help in the SPBT(Text Book Lending Scheme) room. The answer was no because of the family business again.

Well, I guess being able to have STUDY as an excuse have had its perks.

Nailing down Malaysia's toughest examination was no joke. I had to admit it was the toughest, tougher than A levels would have offered due to the overloading amount of knowledge required to be regurgitate in 3 hours' time.

The family understood my condition*heck they were the ones asking me to take the course* and allowed me to have all my time in preparing for the exam.

Little do they know that I took advantage of all the alone moments at home, *coughs* studying~

Well, at some point I need to time to de-stress and let loose, but the hours of scribbling Ch3C00H and Dy/Dx all over the papers were no joke.

There were migraines, screams, curses, and hell load more. Yet, it was satisfying to print down the correct answers and get a red tick after the hassle of hunting down the suitable formulas and knowledge application.

Good grief, I think those organic chemistry has now left my head for honeymoon before the interview hits back.

Did I mention that University of Hong Kong dropped an email for an interview.

Wasn't expecting much, but it is really exciting to be summoned for an interview form the no.1 university in Asia, though US is now in the list of countries abroad.


Guess preparations are needed to attend this interview. What kind of preparations?

Work out, reading up and maths practices. Hopefully everything goes well and an offer letter pops in real soon.

Yes, I'm lifeless.

Buffetting: Converging Thoughts

Yes, I'm sure those comments in my FB profile picture has blown plenty away.

I'm once again, BALD.

Well, its more like a head start,literally, for my new year's resolution in 2011.

Go bald, get fit, get into a good course.

I'm not sure if I'm considered lucky, in the sense that I've been steered back into my initial direction and ambition, becoming a doctor.

Yet, there's a glitch. I might not be practicing medicine even after I've graduated, due to the fact that I have not much confidence in performing my duties as a surgeon, as proposed by my family friend.

Isn't it weird? After an immense load of research, I'm some how given the death sentence to take medicine no matter what.

It's like I've beating around the bush all these while, and it was pretty much a waste of time for all the course hunting and the late nights of Internet scrounging.

Yet, a good friend of mine directed me to another perspective, taking those research as a worthwhile effort. At least a fundamental conception has managed to establish and I know this course leads to a better future for me.



"The boys at your age of 19 and 20 have a very high tendency of ruining your own future by your bare hands."

The words were so strong and vexing, and I can still hear her words echoing in my mind.

True enough, the route Yvvone managed to lay out was crystal clear that taking medicine will be the best choice for what I wish to do in the future.

"Be the best, and you can branch out anytime you wish."

It's the second time I've heard this, but this time its from a friend, not a family member.

Have you even encounter the feeling that an advice form a complete stranger somehow is much more acceptable compared to your own family?

It happens to me, a lot.

Studies, Trips, Technical issues, I somehow find it easier to listen with a much more open mind from a stranger or friend, rather than a person who are at least, blood related to me.

Family seemed to be somehow a wall for me to breakthrough, in order to be much more outstanding.


Well, the decisions are finally made. Medicine should be the right choice for me in the long term.

I guess the only abroad plan for me now is to America.*hello Hollywood!*



The whole route probably take me up to 8 years upon graduation. Plenty needed to be settled.

Visa, Scholarship, Living Expenses, Tuition Fees for 8 freakin' years.

Guess I need to pay another visit to Carlton's for more tips and advices.

Well, that's pretty much how thoughts were converged lately, and darn. I still have tarts to bake tomorrow.

Buffetting : It's Official

That I'm not going to Japan anytime soon in my life. The JIS rejected my application, most probably due to the poorly presented answer sheets last 2 weeks. Another disappointment of the year but I think I'm used to that.


So, not Japan, next would be UK, Australia and geez I did thought of Taiwan before hand. Maybe I'm just longing to get the heck out of Malaysia so hard that anywhere else seemed to be like xanadu to me.


Back to official.. UCAS seemed to be a big project for me this holiday.. wonder if I'm ever going to complete my personal statements and references in this 6 days' time. Imperial, Oxford, University College of London, well like they say, you wanna aim go for the top~


Well, luckily STPM is accepted worldwide, for now. I don't have MUCH ECA for now, hopefully my form 5 days can actually help me out with it. It's kind of a disadvantage to me, seeing how ECA is coveted in the eyes of the European universities. Taiwan seemed to be hard too, but what bothers is the fact that medicine is still, a post-graduate course.. *Beeeeeeeep*


No use crying over spilled milk, I guess I can only nab these places provided I continue buckling myself up for STPM.


Yea i know, what about Kyoto University? Ironically the dream of going there has been shattered, for the time being as JIS have rejected me. Yet, I have my masters to complete in a few years' time and I don't want to waste anymore energy in succumbing myself into more stress and sea of constricting text-books along with the continuous dosage of scientific terminologies. Long huh?


And so went to IDP after having dim sum with the Queen yesterday, only to found out that STPM is actually the most favored, or most prioritized foreign qualification in Australian National University!!!! I know, OMG right?

UK A lvls was 2nd, putting STPM on top of it! So taking the hardest exam in Malaysia does haas it perks~ X.X


UK, USA, Australia, Taiwan, Japan. Random I know.. But its just so funny that these countries just allow me to fit in just nice. Malaysia? Nah, even after I graduate Malaysia wouldn't need my knowledge and capabilities unless they start to do something about the country's development and education system.


So before I dream,once again earth to Z, STPM comes first before you fantasize about Aussie or UK. Most probably going to Aussie due to the lower currency rate plus wider opportunities. ANU seemed to be a good choice seeing its ranking among the other universities... UOSydney seemed to be real tempting too, but it may not be the best place. UOMelbourne? Nah, everyone in Malaysia is going there now, you can practically see a Malaysian just off the corner around the university.


Geeez, I'm really stepping into adulthood now ain't I?

Till next post then~

Buffetting : Escapade

Thats our queen~

2 weeks of exam sure was suffocating, not for me, but for our Queen.

Sadly, we have kinda named our gang the Queen's Brigade/Gang/Party in a very passive way, in which our Queen had agreed.

Anyway, like I said, 2 weeks of exam is now over, and 2 weeks of holidays came by knocking. Guess I've got to buckle up and start catching up on all subjects I've be slacking through the past 6 months, and also to melt of some annoying fats around my waist and god knows what other parts of my body I need to burn.


Hmm... somehow I just don't have much stuffs to blog about lately... Most probably its due to my busy schedule as a Form 6 student.


I think most of us(form 6 students) have became much tougher compared to when we've just graduated to from form 5, as SPM students. We took on Malaysia's toughest examination ever.


How many of the friends in our same age has taken this? 50%? no, 30%? probably less than 8%.

It's like a miracle that I actually had the determination and willingness to survive the subjects till today, without any of them falling into band near fail at all. To my surprise, I've actually managed to keep my subjects in the upper bands consistently.


Yet, the mid terms was truly a mind-shocker, in the sense that I'm reminded how unprepared am I till today. Yes, I've been slacking since the very existence of my laptop, along with continuous flow of drama from all over the world and genres. Strictly speaking, I've actually kept watching dramas related to medicine field.

They may be shallow and all, but they really have a massive effect on me determining which path I'm going to take after STPM at all.



Medicine, finance or something else...

Let the decision comes when STPM 2010 results pop out next february I guess.

So I've managed to take down 4 season of Grey's Anatomy, love their drama and attitude. The whole show just blends in real well and it actually gave me the idea of taking medicine in the States if I ever want to be a part of the life-saving task force.
It's just so funny how they manage to fix in their human lives and surgeon lives, in a way that these kinda stuffs don't actually happen as frequent as it is in tv compared to reality.

Next up would be 20th Century Boys~



Gosh the plot is just so well-constructed it really took my breath away for the trilogy.
Drama, thriller and momentarily humor, this trilogy is one movie worth watching, especially for Japan freak like, yours truly:





Ok, the picture really looked damn weird I know, but screw it.

Next drama coming in would be Team Batista 2:




Strictly speaking, I've decided to watch this because of Matsuzaka Tori. His portrayal of Shiken Red in Samurai Sentai Shinkenger was truly impressive.


Yet, what made me to carry on indulging in this drama was its fast pace, and medicine-field theme. Yup yup, medical officer/pharmacy/hospital CEO to be in the blog(block)~Lame i know..



OOOOOOO Did I mention about The Frozen Flower?

Okay this movie is a lil 18SX and it gave me a shock when I was watching it because of the explicit materials... Well, if you have the courtesy to fast forward it to skip those scenes, its up to you.

I would say this movie has just proved one thing, Love is a Cruel, Cruel thing.

Plenty may not be in sync of my opinion but seriously, this movie really put my statement into position.

Once again, for those who really want to watch this movie, you better prepare some Detol to wash your eyes after watching because of the material. I didn't know Korean movies were this open!

Underage fellas, c'mon people, I don't believe people nowadays care about 18Sx or 18pg or what ever censorship because of what we are constantly exposed to.



Last thing~

Kyoto University is now my primary goal~ Nothing can stop me now.

Buffetting : As Life Continues

Heya. Even though I might be secluded in the sea of delocalised books for the next 2 weeks, I think I owe this blog a post before I decide to ignore it for 3 whole weeks due to the very existence of EXAM.

Anyway, news update.

The juniors are finally in the house, making the Pre-U SMKSS17 a whole again( with juniors and seniors.) The weird thing is, the same ol tradition continues, in which people tends to cast a high band on the competing school instead of their own. In this case, the school would be Seafield.( in case of those who doesn't know, Cfield is another school offering f6 course, but they are arrogant enough to accept schools from USJ only.)

Well, I have not done school transfers before, simply I do not need it. Studying is a self thing, not exactly a school thing. If you expect the school to give you everything at this stage of education, I guess you are going to be one of those to go for tuition even at university level.

And that was for the juniors.

As for the seniors, we went for a field trip, or more like a torture trip to Putrajaya for our Pengajian Am seminar. Honestly speaking, more of the topics brought up were in-school explained, meaning, there wasn't any worth discussing over. The topics were suppose to be taught in school, and the students are suppose to have those knowledge equipped to themselves even before we attend the talk.

The teachers might be disappointed in the lack of questions our school students have posted, but hey, if we have nothing to ask about, there wouldn't be any need at all to post them right? So that was that. Owh yea, we had to use our hands for lunch because the organizers were ignorant enough to not prepare enough utensils for us. Owh well. its just the system we live in anyway. Plus, I actually had fun using hands. It was kinda, nostalgic I guess, in the lack of term.

Another weird thing throughout the seminar, I've noticed, only GUYs smiled at me, and no girls did at all. The glitch was, all the guys smiled at me were Malays, and dang they were good-looking. I, of course returned them sincerely with the Binn's Signature Smile and live on with my day. Most of my friends thought it was awkward, but I guess I will just enjoy it in one corner of my heart~

Just had a conversation with my friend about another friend of mine doing his degree overseas.

It was just another different prospective of seeing the issue of studying overseas just after spending 3 months in Adelaide. He sounded, regretful. Of course people do say they weren't, which what I would have done simply because it was MY choice. So, I have no say to regret over it, nor any excuse to defend myself when people ask(in a Malaysia way) "Why choose the place at first leh?"

I've chosen Japan. I'm not really sure of what I would be facing, be it the hardship or stress. But one thing I would have known is, I am going to enjoy every last bit of my days over there. No matter how terrible the place is, Japan is the one of the best-technologically inclined country over the globe. Seriously, it can't be THAT bad , right?

As for my friend, I'd say give or take. It only has been 3 months. Even babies need 18 years before they grow into hot hunks or hot chicks. So, time is of an essence for a person to adapt to what kinda of circumstances they have been landed into. I didn't exactly like the life of a form 6 students at first, but over the semesters, I've still adapted to it. In fact, I love the life in form 6, minus the fact that I have constant heavy load of homework and nonsensical assignments which contributes nothing to my results. And yes, I took a year.

Well, like I said, life still continues. I'm in my Advance 2 Japanese course now. I now start to feel the pressure, and the urge for me to know more if I ever want to compete in Japan, as a biology student. I'm not sure if I am able to stuff the immense dosage of biological prefixes into the tiny brain of mine, but as for now, I need isolation so I can focus. I've actually planned to shower in school so I can concentrate better in the library after school. Lunch? I guess some green apples of honey-whipped yogurt will do.

Sorry for the lack of pictures, my internet went haywire and geez, google is being a bitch again.

Buffetting : Opportunities

This 2 weeks has been filled with opportunities.


1st of, I was the head of the Golden Friday Camp committee, plus MC.

2nd, I am going to be MC again for the Hari Anugerah Kualiti this Saturday.

3rdly, I am going to be Main activity Coordinator again for the Junior's orientation next monday.

And last but not least, I got the letter from the Japan Embassy of Malaysia, informing me that I'm eligible for the written examination this coming May.


I'm really excited, and nervous at the same time. Meaning I have to juggle between both my school exams and this scholarship entrance exam.


Yet, since their syllabus overlaps, might as well go full out for my future.

I'm now once step closer to my dream.


I wish by next April, I can start posting on my flight to Narita Airport.

Buffetting : Dejavus

Its midnight now, and I probably will suffocate myself with regrets for not completing any work tonight due to undivided attention towards Pokemon Heart Gold.


Anyway, its just a random thought I had lately which I'd really wanted to post up here.


It's about X again.

I know, bad timing but its not about X , X... Its more like about, someone who looks like X in my current school.


Let this person be F.


F has the same eyes like X did, I guess that was how I fell for X at the first place. Their eyes has the same sparkle.


Guess what, they somewhat share something in common.


Well, the only thing I know is F has the same sports talent like X had.


I don't know F like how I knew X. F just drops by every Tuesday when I'm off for duty and F just somehow pay to me most of the time.

It's just a less than 30 seconds moment, but the feeling of X just comes rubbing in like last year.



Yet, it wasn't THAT vigorous.


Guess blinding myself with studies can be real helpful.



Anyway, I had finally concluded my event involvement history in SS17 yesterday. From now on, its full system ahead for 4 Flat.


I wonder if I can stay away from the laptop until the final blow comes.


Yes, of course I can.


I will wrap up the Golden Friday Camp tomorrow, and then its bye bye to laptop, hello sea of delocalised books.

Buffetting : Next Station

And this week is an official die hard week. Still can find a slot for this post due to unfinished schedule-preparation, so I guess I'm going to have a tough day tomorrow also.

So we had out debate last week, old news but late is better than never.

The 1st debate experience was okay, considering the face that my team never even discuss out ideas together at all, so practically we worked our way blindly in the whole process.

Honestly speaking, my team have much better speakers, or rather more aggressive speaker with much more eloquence. Yet, I guess the swaying and unfocused ideas lead us to failure.

The whole topic was about "Test scores as good indication of a school's competency," and my team as negative.


Had fun as the third speaker rebutting all the opponent's points using my style and brawn, not to mention periodic drama and sarcasm.


Anyway, the whole point was, I wasn't focused or prepared. With my current charisma, if we were given a second chance to debate with the same team, we can beat them flat, along with plenty of Christina's help of course.


Next up was MUET exam. Listening was a wreck and dang it, I lost my entrance slip temporarily. Hopefully I can find it soon.


Guess what? I finally had my first blood donation. It felt so HUMAN to donate blood. It wasn't THAT painful and watching your old blood flowing out of your own body is definitely a healthy sight... Imagine your body producing new blood. So much more healthier and just taking livers and another internal organs of poultry or pork.

450 cc of B type blood can save 3 lives man. And according to the doctor in charge, there is a shortage in B type blood because its so rare, which I wonder how true is that because B antigen was suppose to be dominant... owh well screw it.


Well, after bustle and hustle, its time for another round of celebration again, more like a belated one.


Like always, I-man, the counterpart of Ip-Man, was blur enough to not see this coming, so we did quite a good job in surprising him and calling his mum, again.


So we talked and had dinner in Manhattan , which ended up quite abruptly with returning our house right after the dinner. Honestly speaking, I would love to just go home because it was so late and I can feel the dizziness in my head coming up so bailed, along with everyone else.


Practically school this whole week was boring due to the emptiness of the class, caused by the annual photography session. The editor-in-chief did a great job in getting a photographer cheap enough to not say 1,2 and Cheese due to his unprofessional attitude and the stupid teacher in charge, Zainuddin. Owh well, what to you expect from a typical wantan right?


Next up, Golden Friday... Gosh can't believe I took up as the main committee again. Should have declined... Till next time then... If there is even a next time...

Anyway, will be having more pictures.. By the way, finally I've decided not to log into Facebook for a month, but whether if I can not log into the laptop, is another matter.

Buffetting : Departure

Sometimes you just have so much time to think and you literally forget the fact that you are still wide awake at 3.30 in the morning.

Many of my friends have left Malaysia in pursuit for their future.

Like them, I too do have my own dreams.

Mine was to fly all the way to Japan.

Some how, I just have this affinity towards that country.

I'm not the crazy die-hard fan of ANIME or DRAMA, aka Otaku(お宅). Otaku is actually derived from the original word itself, the actual meaning of "home". Since these people usually spend their time at home watching anime or drama, people give them these names just to summarise things up.


Enough with j-lessons.


And these thoughts came up.

If one day I were to leave the country, I will choose to leave in silence.


It's just the intuition I have, to leave that way.

Not that it is cool(at some point it's way too cool), but I just don't want or need anyone to be there.

It's not like anyone have been in most of my hard times, and it has become a natural thing that happens to me everyday.


Lately, I've been having thoughts about leaving the group I'm in all these while. It just seemed to be the right thing to do right now. No more obligations, no more stress, and well, no more friends.


In most quizzes, I answered friend as my most important thing in my life. And now, I've finally identify that, I don't live with friends.


I don't live with anyone. I live by me.


Well, thanks again blogspot for having a space for me to scribble.


Till next post then.

Buffetting : Appreciation

Just a little recap on my late achievements:
Finally done with my Japanese Advance One class, phew got a Grade A with 93/100. Long way more till I truly master the language, but I am having high hopes.

Got a golden medal for "Bullet Throwing", direct translation from BM's lontar peluru and a silver medal for the Marching event. Quite satisfied, though I wished I could set a higher record of at least 10 metres for the BT event, but too bad I slacked my gym training, I managed to take down the other contestants with 8.8 m only. Oh well.


The school is really trying their best to provide ample benefits for us, the Pre-Us, or in layman's term, Form 6ers. They will be holding camps, workshops and activities to boost our co-curicular marks and also preparation to face STPM.


Well, I can only be thankful to the school for putting their greatest effort in trying to help us out, and also the utmost recognition for our marching event lately.

well, that's all for this post.

Buffetting : Exploration

Just wondering if any of you readers had heard of AISEC. If you have not, do click here because it really provides plenty, especially for you youths.


You probably think that you might need to spend like 5 grands or more to participate in this programs, but honestly, its way more than that.


I've just attended an info session with Ms Nicole Teo,( same surname so automatically connected very easily~) in Taylor's Business School about this, and gosh it was a real eye-opener!



So practically we can choose 2 types of programs, one of it being the project-based and another one, company-based.

Since I'm only a pre-university student, I wouldn't be eligible for the company-based as they usually take in the students in their 2nd or 3rd year in their respective degree.



Take note degree pursuers, wanna stand a chance to take an internship in the top international companies like IBM or P&W? Nab your chances fast and perform well in you interviews because you will get a heck lot of experience you will treasure forever!



So back to project based, they usually want us youths to participate in society projects like Fund Raising Campaign, Awareness Campaign of child abuse or HIV, teaching students a particular language, environmental awareness and etc.


I applied for Japan, but too bad, the Japanese companies demand hardcore workers instead of youths to preach for HIV awareness instead.


Can't really blame them though, they need to pump harder for their productivity count, even more due to the insufficient funds lately.



So I was asked to choose another country, which I had no idea where because the only place I had ever dream of going to is Japan. But seeing China and Taiwan is the next closes country which have the same dialect like I do, I chose them.




Honestly I was real worried when I discussed this over dinner yesterday with my folks. And thank god they approved, asking me to go fur thee to the European countries instead.


Gosh... me? in the Europe countries? Hmm, I have never thought of it though... Maybe I should give it a try, just o experience cultures and see the differences of standards in both countries.. who knows I can bring a change in Malaysia and earn a title in the far future? haha just joking~




Well , its confirmed that I will take on the interview in July, because it will be a real good experience,and nothing will stop me. Even if I am out of funds, I will try my best to work for it.



Anyway, so much for the exploration talk. back to business.



Pheww... just sent my MEXT application letter earlier on. Was a relief. Hopefully I was asked to attend the written exam.


Meaning I really need to start studying like nobody's business and hunt down every single pass year paper if its the last thing I do.



Sometimes it just goes blank when you think of it, and you start to question the point of doing them... Was struggling to choose between life sciences or humanities... succumbed to natural sciences in the end because I can pursue humanities without a proper scholarship.


Well... need to stop playing the sims 3 and start to work on my maths now~

PS: The Sims 3 is real addicting! Can't wait for the expansion pack by pass to appear!

Buffetting : Hatred

Have you ever just have a surge of hatred towards a person without any particular reason?

Fine, I had some bad times with her but some how I just started to hate this family friend of my mum's.


Why?


Well, lets say she is being a little nosy, especially when it comes to my privacy and choices.


Remember I used to indulge in squash?


Well, I had a great time there. My family's badminton time clashes with my squash trainings , so I had to sit the family's session out.

Why should I sacrifice my passion for my family interest?


So the system went on for a long time, until she turns up.


She say I'm deserting myself from my family.



Bloody arse.


I'm pursuing my passion, my life and my ambition.

How is that being deserting?

She brainwashed my mom and my mom started to force and threaten me to join them.


I declined.



And there she goes, having her whole "you are not my son" fiasco again.


And I had to miss my best friend's birthday celebration out.


5 years of solid friendship.


And me being closest to him have to miss it only because I did not join my family's badminton session.


Outrageous and unreasonable.

Yes, I know but thats how the veto power runs in my family.



From then onwards, I have this sudden urge that its this lady who brainwashed my mom.


And I found out, exactly it was her.


Then the hatred continued to burn in me, until today.



I don't know. Maybe I'm being vindictive, over-reacting what ever.



Yet, I know my sub-conscious is telling me that this lady, is not the lady I would want to consolidate to , ever.



Anyway, scratch that. I literally beat myself up for not performing well in my badminton session today.


I'm looking at my left arm, trying to not feel sorry over the bruises and killed red blood cells, not to mention neurones.


It's ok. That's how I manage stress most of the time.



3 days before holidays are over, and I have 5 more subjects to catch up in the homework, not to mention revision.


STPM and MEXT scholarship, I'm nailing you down.

Buffetting : Back to Square One

I had my dreams.

I had my goals.

I made promises.

And now, I am back to square one.

Seriously, I have no idea how to put these into words. It is not like I have not been working hard because I know I did.

I worked ten time harder than I used to be.

All the school work, home work, tuition work, none was left out along the way.

I gave it all.

But it turns out that what I have done ain't good enough.

SAT 1 turned out to be an utter disaster..

And SAT2, I was hoping to have done a little bit more better, at least a little bit more closer to the target I have set.


So now, I am back to my original clean state.


Which way now?


Gosh I'm so confused now!!!!


I am just so lost. There is no guidance, no light, no way out.


It has always been me and myself only, without anyone there.



It is my fault to not open up to anyone at all but, it's just not me to do that.


I'm tired....


I'm tired of telling myself its only another few more days, or weeks or months or years till the next climax comes.


I'm tired of being asked around to do stuffs because I'm the eldest boy.

I'm tired of keeping the expectations of all the people around me...



But I can never stop myself.


Why? Is my life there only for everyone else but me? Just to satisfy others?


Somehow, the idea of me not being able to be myself strikes me all the time.



I don't know.... I'm just lost. Nowhere out....




Whats next?


MEXT....


There we go again, another marathon of studies...

But first, March exam..


Alright, full charge ahead!


Zany Zephyr

Buffetting : The Next Storm

Finally, the day has come in which my best pal in high school left Malaysia to the lands of kangeys and koalas to further his studies.

I wanted to break down but my conscious told me not to, as the others were having a hard time letting go and another person's break down might just cause havoc.

Anyway, not gonna post about the process because its pointless.

Lets talk about what's after this.

Honestly speaking, this leaving friend of mine has always been there for me.

We were the closest(I guess...)

More appropriate words would be, he was the closest to me, in which I can consolidate everything to him without the consequences of him telling others about our conversations.

And we have been really understanding to each others' needs and space, up till last year when I had a sudden crash in my C-drive when everything went haywire till the extend that has put our friendship at stake.


I was being insensible, yes it was me.


Yet, I still do treasure every moment and experience we had shared through 6 long years, which I'm certain that it will bring us very far.

Will miss your brilliant smile a lot.

So, uptill now, this post is dedicated for you, my friend. Have fun with smogs and kangeys over there.

____________________________________________________________________

Next up, the storm.



I have no idea how well I can blend in with the absence of this good friend of mine.


Normally, I wouldn't attend to any outing without the prior notice of the attendance of this good friend.


And now that he has gone to the overseas, I think I will have a hard time to decide whether to go for the next outing.


I'm not trying to accuse anyone or degrade anyone here. I'm just trying to analyze how things are working around now.


The girls, Yuet and Yi Lin are just always supportive and sensitive. Guess the 5 years of friendship didn't just go waste. We are practically a family, in which we really had the same mindset and ways of looking life and matters.


I had issues with Peng Han earlier the road of our friendship. But throughout the journey, he turned out to be much more bold and sensitive. I can discuss about matters which are really matured with him in a very comfortable ways now, and he is just amazing in ways he deal with his surroundings.

Even with mood swings at particular times and also the unexpected hormonal changes in Yi Xian, he is a person who can really think for the others, and pick up stuffs real quick and solve the problem on the spot, talk about doctor material. We do share the same point of views at times, and being around him is real comfortable.


Okay, you might say I'm over reacting and all, back-stabbing, crapping or whatever shit you might think of, but this is just a piece of my mind.


There are stages in our lives, when we might find another person who we can share almost everything together. It is something to be happy about, but to me it ain't exactly something to be bragged or boasted.


Fine you may have your sweet moments and cuddling but hey, Sai Cheong, you are not capable of prioritizing. You can't even set aside one day to spend with a person you called friend, when you have been seeing that very special person to you everyday.

I mean, isn't a little overwhelmed?


I didn't say its wrong to spend time with your partner, in fact that is the point you got together at the first place. But look, you seriously need a crash course in sorting our your responsibilities and priorities in life. I salutes Peng Han in his ability to cope with matters like this, and I'm very disappointed with your inabilities to think logically, when you are already 19.


You didn't contribute to anything in the shades' blog, you never mentioned anything and you shouldn't have much problem with cash. And yet, you dare suggested us to go somewhere near, which you could have done it by spending just 5 minutes to message any one of us or post something the cbox in the blog away from the time you cuddle or study, and also limiting the budget for the dinner?


I have no idea what the hell is going in your mind.


They just love in blind, but this relationship you are having is going to drive you to somewhere you will not like it, if you continue to succumb blindly to your emotions.

You can have your life apart from friends, but as a friend who really cared, I'd suggest you start reflecting on what you have done to this circle of friends ever since you got your partner, from introduction and to mingling. I'm telling you, you are going to have a hard time if you continue your stuck up mindset.



Back to the others, the trio, Iman, Arief and Shaung are like the cool people who really keep up the COOLNESS motto of our group, and they never let me down. There are times which they might not be able to turn up for stuffs, but they always make their effort to turn up and cover for their loss. Well Iman, you are always there kay?


As for our Porn Queen Jia wei, you need to see things more clearly and get the big picture instead of narrowing down and leaping into conclusions without thinking of all the sweeping statements you have made. One more important thing, remember the things that you have learnt as a head prefect and do not let them go to waste. Those are the essence which will bring you far and seriously, I do envy you to be able to hold on to that position, whereby you have had a bunch of trustable sidekicks around for that one year. I had to go through the hard way, with the result of me having the conception of bitterness in my life. Do not state the problem, give solutions. You are an engineer-to-be, start learning that so your future employers do not reject you upon interviews. Apart from that, just be who you are because that's what has made us comfortable with you around.
Unevitable group shot

Well, I can say that I barely know myself. I'm more like the type to let-others-judge first and re-counter type. And SAT result is out tomorrow.


Readers, wish me luck. If possible, I might be heading to UK with flying colours.


Zany Zephyr

Buffetting : The 4th Dimension.

I survived.

Honestly, she was real great. I was expecting a non-dramatical lady instead.

Although I haven't completed Halliday and Resnick's exercise, thank goodness I've at least assured myself with Advanced Physics.

Today, I never felt this surge of excitement in a physics class before in my life.


Guess getting this teacher was a correct step.

From velocities to acceleration then to forces and normal force to energy, we mentioned about the 4th dimension.


It is not exactly what we think, the 4th dimension ain't the ghostly plane, but its the plane which time do not exist.


Time never exist. It is born when people couldn't see themselves in other dimensions.



Our life time is like a corridor with different rooms.


Right now, there may be some other Tempuses doing some other thing in their different ages. There may be also another plane where the same aged Tempus might be enjoying his life as a rich man's son or something.

But.


The equations proven were yet to be applied yet.


Who ever had succeeded in doing so truly will see things in so much other perspectives.


When Miss Ng Pek Har explained all these in the 3 houred class, I finally understood something.


Something which I couldn't put in words nor feelings.


It's like a hunch, but my head somehow knew its what I really need to understand and know by now.


I need to know that I am in thirst of knowledge, and I need the knowledge to make a significant difference to the society.


Be it electrons or human across the plane, I want to do something BIG.



Reality check.



3 months will determine my faith and my fate.


February 2010 will be my judgement point.


Shall I have proceed with my planned direction,

Or to fumble into the sail I've set this June.


I need to make this difference.


I demand an amount of respect back to myself again.


I must make this work.



So, seeing this I must hit back to STPM and SAT chemistry...


Thermochemistry was really easy and fun.


Organic chemistry is what I truly need to know and master. Hopefully this 3 months I may be able to hold strong and make a difference in my life.


Mind, body , soul, together.


Zany Zephyr